Reviews for The Haunted Lighthouse
kabbalahscribe chapter 1 . 7/21/2012
You have a good title, you have talent, but the premise for a children's book is off base. Commercially it wouldn't fly. Perhaps you can have "imaginary" deaths and imaginary husbands for Pepsi. I would read some children's books that deal with ghosts to preview how the concept is treated. Also, I would suggest researching Scottish ghost stories to feed your imagination.
Good luck
Eyes Unclouded chapter 3 . 3/12/2005
Yay! You're back! I thought the update feature was malfunctioning, so I kept checking back to make sure I hadn't missed a chapter... (to be honest, I've been out of it for a while, too!)

First: Grammar/Editing (since I just got out of SATs)1. line 3 "she was IN a tiny..."2. line 5 change "lead" to "led"3. line 7 add a comma before "dear"4. line 10 period instead of comma after "exclaimed"5. line 12 "spluttering" ? or "sputtering"?6. line 20 add "a" between "size" and "closet"7. line 22 may be helpful to change "it" to "the bed"6. towards the bottom: a comma before "darling"7. a comma after "after all"

Now, to my actual opinion: Cool. The chapter is a bit slow because you have to go through all the detail (may want to add in a few eccentric things to make it interesting-or not). I'm very interested about the ending. For some reason, I got the idea that the shadow was really a cat.

Looking forward to more!
Dying Without Gackt chapter 3 . 3/8/2005
Ah no cliffy! I'm falling! You left it at a cliffy - wah! Wow...I thought you died - you haven't updated in such a long time. I hope you don't take as long this time.
PyroRabbit chapter 2 . 8/3/2004
Funy fun fun fun for everyone! I love this chapter also! It's so funny! And it's pretty cool too!
PyroRabbit chapter 1 . 8/3/2004
Funny fun fun fun for everyone! That was so funny! I laughed alot! HAHAHAHA!
Dying Without Gackt chapter 1 . 8/2/2004
You know it took me a while to see that I already asked you to review my story...oops, well I didn't read yours before in the Destroyed Path review but I did now, so I'll just stop writing because I'm probably annoying you.
Dying Without Gackt chapter 2 . 8/2/2004
Haha I really liked this, I like the humor in it and all the ghost, poor Pepsi if a ghost kept me up...well actually if I saw a ghost I would run for my life, I'm definetly going to keep reading this but I probably won't be able to review till september fifth because I'm going on vacation, but please write more. And if it isn't to much trouble please review my story Dusman means Enemy please, I need some more input, I really love reviews.
Destroyed Path chapter 1 . 7/30/2004
Hi I know this is suppose to be a review and I hope I'm not annoying you since its not, but I'm asking some people if you would please read my story, I already have reviews but I just like knowing what people think. And I have a very good amount of chapters so far the story I'm talking about is on my other account though, I have a story on this one to if you want you can read that to, but the other one is Cursed Rosed and the story is Dusman means enemy, I would be really happy if you read and reviewed.
J. Wilder chapter 1 . 7/30/2004
This is great. There's a grammatical error in the fourth paragraph, though.
Eyes Unclouded chapter 2 . 7/30/2004
Yay! A new chapter! I'm so happy the humor is still strong (I was worried the story might go downhill from Ch. 1-but it got even better). Nice touch with the pirate ship. I like that Pepsi is so matter-of-fact about the ghosts. If she kept freaking out whenever they showed up, the story could've gotten dull. Looking forward to the next chapter...!
Also, thanks for thanking me :)
And...if you have time, please review my story "The Moon was a Daydream". I'd be very interested in your opinion.
Fantasia Blue chapter 2 . 7/28/2004
Dark humor for kids! Very interesting, and it hooks you in the first chapter. It sort of reminds me of a series of unfortunate events; have you read those?
BennyP chapter 1 . 7/28/2004
Good start to a potential series as you excite the mind with plenty of humorous imagery. It reminded me of this one picture book on the many ways one could die. I wish I knew what was its title. Anyway, you could've done without the last paragraph, as it somewhat gives it away. Keep up the good work!
Eyes Unclouded chapter 1 . 7/26/2004
This was very funny and clever (going on my fave list...) but I'm not sure it would work as a children's book just because of all the death and dying stuff; parents might not be too keen on letting their little kids read it (I think people are still touchy about 9/11, but I might be wrong!). Anyway, this would definitely work for grammar school kids. Please continue!
EternalTimexX chapter 1 . 7/26/2004
very nice, i like how ur aiming towards children... please review my new story... ~keep writing