Reviews for Merciless
charmed03 chapter 48 . 7/4/2005
wow! wat can i say? i'm very shocked! but i suppose that this story HAD to have a sad ending, otherwise it would've sucked... i mean, let's face it - the story wouldn't have meant as much to readers if you had mercedes and hugh get together in the end... *sigh* so near yet so far! i'm so sad... all in all, wonderful story! the change in p.o.v in the end was a little awkward, but then i usually am one who doesn't like pov changes...

also, i would've wanted to know more about what happens to the other characters - like, does Hugh come for his kids? does Richard do anything about his guilt?...

newayz, hope you write more stories! i've enjoyed reading this!
KalliopesMuse chapter 48 . 7/4/2005
I didn't expect it to end just yet! Anyways, I'm glad that it ended the way it did despite the character death. I was a little confused with the point of view switch in the epilogue though. I thought that maybe you could have spent a little more time on Hugh's realizing who he really was. As for the story in its whole, I love the simple yet descriptive way you write. You get a feeling for the characters but you don't dwell too much on them that the reader gets bored. I hardly ever felt like browsing through a chapter rather than actually reading it. I managed to read most of it the first time through rather than attempting to pick out the more interesting bits. Your writing keeps people interested and better proof of that is that I don't usually care for stories of this genre and still I read it and enjoyed it! Maybe you could have created a little more sympathy on Richard's part. I know he was not the nicest of people but maybe we could have cared a little more for him the process (would have made it all the more heart-breaking?). Being that the story was written in first person, it was a little more difficult to get into other people's heads, like I would have liked to know a little more about Dira, Cecily or even what was happening with for plot, I enjoyed the various twists though they were not as big as I thought they would be (still good though!). I could sense that you were leading your readers somewhere but then when it happened, it wasn't as excited as I thought it would be even though it wasn't what we expected either (which is good too, I don't mean to be overly critical). Mercedes reminded me of Meg (if I'm remembering right...) as well as other characters I have read about or seen in movies. I didn't hate her nor was I really sad that she died even though I liked her. She was a pleasant character but maybe you could add a little more to future characters. As for the Epilogue in itself, it was well written though a little rushed. I did not expect it at all which adds to the excitement a bit, I guess. I'm so glad this story has been something to look forward to every time I got an author alert in my inbox. I wanted to read the next chapter and the story has kept me entertained for the past... half year - year. I don't quite remember. I was a little confused with Hugh in the end righty, I hope I wasn't too mean because I truly, truly liked this story. I'm just trying to be helpful. I hope you have other stories to update (*ahem* "A Rose Without a Thorn", but no worries if you've lost interest). Unlike me, you actually FINISH your stories hehe. (Excuse all spelling mistakes made in this review!) Thank you! - Sarika
glittericous chapter 48 . 7/4/2005
awesome story. I've been following it for a while. I guess I just didn't ever reveiw I didn't know of anything to say. your an amazing author with a huge talent. You don't need to change anything, at least I don't think you do. good luck and happy writing
kitty-mao-mao chapter 48 . 7/4/2005
sadly, there's no happy ending for mercedes.

i would like to say a huge well done for finishing the story. it is also one of the most original story out there...great plot with tons of twists in them...great characters, they are quite life-like and truly believable. and DON"T CHANGE ANYTHING! it's great...fabulous...PERFECT the way it is.

anyways...i hope you start another story soon...or maybe finish one of your other ones? either way, i'll follow you like a lost puppy and read and review anything you write. :D

yours truly,kitty-mao-mao
kitty-mao-mao chapter 47 . 7/4/2005
oh...poor girl! is she gonna drink the potion? and that bastard hugh...i mean ambrose...whoever he is!

OMG...just had a thought...could ambrose be hugh's twin? is that possible?

update soon!
charmed03 chapter 47 . 7/1/2005
NO! i'm so depressed! how cud this happen? ugh! is ambrose really hugh or is mercedes just mistaken? that's been my main question...

i hope this story'll have a happy ending! PLEASE make it a happy ending! *sniffles*
KalliopesMuse chapter 47 . 6/30/2005
I liked this chapter. It was quite refreshing as was the last one. I'm just a little disappointed that nothing moe happened, I mean this was it. It's good but I feel like there could have been a little more that that this chapter was missing a little bit of something. I found no spelling errors except for this: “ What color is you hair?” Good job! and thanks a lot for updating! - Sarika
anne chapter 46 . 6/29/2005
this is getting so dark and tempestuous! richard is getting a tad predictable...it would be interesting if he had a sudden reversal-for better or worse! i'll leave the devious plotting up to you... keep up the good work!
kitty-mao-mao chapter 46 . 6/27/2005
ah ha! the kids were richards...and what's gonna happen to Mercedes now? Richard is beyond angry...and what about Ambrose? what is his response gonna be? that poor man doesn't remember a thing!

any how, update soon!
charmed03 chapter 46 . 6/25/2005
omg! I knew it! I was right! Hugh IS the father of Mercedes' children! oh dear - what will happen now? will mercedes kill herself? half of me wishes she does so she can end her misery, and the other half doesn't because what if hugh comes to his senses? that is, if ambrose really IS hugh! hmm... well - keep writing! i'm SO curious to see what will happen next - i'm sure the story's about to reach it's climax - or IS this chapter the climax?

and another thing: i HATE richard - i wish he gets a TERRIBLE end to his life! oh please do something horrible to him - that would be GREAT!
zagato chapter 46 . 6/24/2005
I'm shocked. When I read the line "The groom is the father of my children" I skimmed down to see if it was all Mercedes' dream. Alas, she is awake and shall face the consequences of her drastic actions. I feel so bad for her. Thank goodness, this is merely fiction. Otherwise, I would not know how to survive such a drama. She's going to die soon, isn't she?
KalliopesMuse chapter 46 . 6/24/2005
Ah, what I've been waiting for though we still don't know if Ambrose is really Hugh. I really want to find out! Because if ihe isn't, then I'm really embarassed for Mercedes. As for Mercedes, this is going where I thought it was going with her and I wish it weren't. I really hope she gets her life back! It's really reminds me a little of Cathy from 'Wuthering Heights' for some reason. The movie just keeps coming back to me (I didn't read the book though). Lastly, about the last reviewer who wrote about character flaws and how Mercedes is not interesting because she has none. From the beginning of the story, I always thought Mercedes was a little arrogant and perhaps a little spoiled. That was why she ticked me off but I've grown to like her. Can that not be a flaw? Besides, I find it a little irritating when people take the authority to review someone's story and act as if they know stuff (true or not) but have no stories of their own for others to read and critique. Anyways, thanks for the update. Update again soon! - Sarika
Sahara Hayden chapter 46 . 6/24/2005
Wow...there's no other way to describe it...wow...this chapter was absolutely amazing!The twist with Mercedes objecting at Cecily's wedding was something I'd never even dreamed would happen, and then the woman giving her the vial was exciting too. And Richard...wow...he is so mean! I feel so incredibly sorry for Mercedes...he's really taken it too far, whipping her like that. Please please please update soon! I hate cliffhangers..and you do them very well, I must say...excellent job...this chapter has been the best by far...the twists were great and you kept the action going. I wasn't once bored...great job describing the slums of the city. Superb job!~Sahara~
Lain Dolohov chapter 5 . 6/23/2005
Well, I can't say I like your main character so far at all. She seems to have no apparent flaws, and perfect characters don't interest me. She's the typical confident, intelligent, well-adjusted first lady, and I'm rather sick of constantly hearing about how beautiful she is. And if she ever ends up with 'flaws', it's probably going to be you injecting her with a modern mindset that gets her into trouble; for instance, rebelliously defying the conventions of her times. Yawn, if so.

Have you read Pride and Prejudice? The reason it's so interesting to read about the sisters is that they all have flaws, which have different and intriguing effects on the story and influence their relationships with the other characters. Elizabeth is judgemental and tends to have a sharp tongue, Lydia is silly and froofy and naive, Jane is too chritable and kind for her own good, and Kitty is the geek of her times. I'd much rather read about any of them than someone whom we *know* is just going to have all the men fall in love with her, make all the most intelligent quips, and always be better than anyone else ad infinitum.

Also, romantic relationships are going to be dull as dishwater when it's just a bunch of lovesick suitors chasing her all the time. I'd highly recommend adding difficulties to the relationships, having a man not like her at first - something to add variety!

The problem overall is predictability. We can see, from the start, that she's going to go through a few minor hardships, have to choose between two appealing men, make the right choice, get married and be happy. Hopefully I'll be proved wrong in further chapters, but this is my opinion so far.

Specific to this chapter, something that really bugged me:

"You heard me, why are you not a lady?"

This makes no sense to me. What on earth has she done so far to merit that? She's acted just like an average woman with no deviation at all. You need to show these things in your story, not just state them; they're more believable that way.
KalliopesMuse chapter 45 . 6/22/2005
Hello! This chapter was really sad. I especially liked the letter at the end. I want to thank you for updating but I I feel like the passed three chapters have dragged on and although they were excellent (no doubt about it), I keep waiting for something big to happen... maybe? Anyway, thanks again. Your writing keeps getting better and better. Update again soon :-) - Sarika
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