|Reviews for A Western|
| Katie Jean chapter 2 . 8/2/2004
Hey, sounds good so far. How old are these girls? You shoudl think about telling us a little more about them. Already you're showing us a bit of their personalities. Camille sounds straight forward and strong, like she's not afraid to speak her mind, especially about something important. Ellen sounds strong too, but younger, all she wants is to hold her family together, family is important to her, more important than herself. But you should think about telling us more. Is this family poor or rich? you gave the impression of them being poor. Tell us more about the father too. Anyway, think about that. Add more description too, facial expressions, that sort of thing. Say...when Ellen nodded her head at the end of Chap2, does her hair bounce? fall into her eyes? Things like that. Really brings color to your story. Think of it as a movie, only with words. Let us see whats in your head.
Okay that was sort of a lot, good luck, sounds like its got good potential. Oh, and if you have time, it'd be great if you could R&R my story. Thanks! Luck.