|Reviews for Dr Grant's Formula|
| Katsuhiro chapter 1 . 8/3/2004
Your formating seems reminiscent of herpes. Just more irritating. It's set to poetry mode, I believe, and you should definitely change this immediately, as reading a narrative in this format is about as fun as shoving my penis into the closing doors of an elevator.
Now, the horrendous formating aside, let's proceed onto the narrative itself.
No. Just no. You don't immerse your reader, your story sounds more like a "A man walks into a bar with a sheep under his arm.." than a gripping "Sci-fi Mystery". Just not as good. Your descriptions too are noticeable for their absense, and you find new and innovative ways of saying what is ultimately a very dull opening sentence to begin with.
Then we have the ultimate sign of a deceased imagination: the celebrity lookalike. Not only do you do this, and butcher any respect your reader will have for you, you also manage to blurt out the entire subtext in the final sentence. Why? The unsaid is the ultimate reason why one reads a thriller, and yet you seem to be peeing on literature's rug. Repeatedly. Instead of "Here - have the entire truth, who needs suspense?" you should really try weaving a story that fuels itself on the fires of the unsaid. Give it a try once in a while - you'll like it, and so will your reader. Don't be too discouraged - just try to read more and get it right next time! Keep at it!