not bad, i guess this was just a transition chapter. use conjunctions in dialogue, it'll sound more realistic...keep updating

not bad, not bad. i see ur starting to create an intricate plot with the four dates thing. but i want more detail in the dates! I must have them! so don't be afraid to put actual conversation and more detail in what they're wearing. anything to entice the reader. okay, i really should quit writing so much.

nice chapter. i wonder if mia will even consider going back to davey. u're doing better on ur tenses, but there were a few problems in the beginning. keep up the good work. god i sound like a teacher.

definitely need to write more, great story so far. obviously (little Mr. liked it) great job keep going i want to read more

that was pretty good. better than ur last ones. u do a really good job with ur writing style with the dialogue. i can practically hear them say everything. but one thing u should try is don't use the present tense when in third person b/c it doesn't sound right. use past tense. that's all. good story keep it up.