|Reviews for Punished|
| Nanniko chapter 3 . 1/17/2010
Yo! Reviewers Alliance R&R (Request for Reviews) confirmed! :D
Interesting. Not my cup of tea, but interesting. Why did I bother reading it if it's not in my interests? Because, irregardless of the genre of the story, all stories have the same story elements. Plus, I made a vow by joining that Forum. So, here's my review.
Plot, not original but good nonetheless. Setting, normal, but Hell is nothing out of the ordinary. Characters, kind of weak. Abbi is the too typically messed up child. Brad is interesting and evil, which is nice. Anna is great for balancing things out. And Jack is sort of just there. It's the main character that sort of kills it, not entirely though. And that comment can probably be negated because this story probably has an intimate connection with your life. But, putting that aside, on a STORY level, it needs work. I mean no offense.
Grammar, grammar, grammar. You're not the first, but I have to say it 'cause it's a pet peeve of mine.
The incorporation of Hell really makes it interesting. Especially since Abbi's in Hell. Lucifer rising, a little cliche, but will move the story forward. Have fun extricating your plot :P
| Kalista Jia chapter 1 . 3/30/2009
“Miss, I’m sorry, but I simply don’t have time to explain such matters. Hundreds of people die each minute you know, and we have to keep the line moving. Now, name please.”
LOL. Hell tickets sure sell well. Charon has computer now? Cool~
Oh no! Who is the killer? Abby or Anna? SHe better not be condamned to Hell for loving Anna!
| Sean McGuire chapter 8 . 8/16/2007
I agree with daughterofastar. Don't leave it hanging! How does Anna react? How does Jack's relationship with Parker turn out? Does Abbi get an abortion? How does Hell tie in? Is it that Anna kills Abbi when she hear's of the baby? WE NEED ANSWERS!
| Aista Aini chapter 1 . 4/8/2007
I like this one. It has an interesting plot and uses good imagery. This touches home for you, doesn't it?
| Katteee chapter 8 . 1/10/2007
I love it.x
| cindy chapter 1 . 6/26/2006
i just want to say that ive only read the first chapter, and it sucks.
the girl was raped...theres no way she'd react the way she would, considering the personality youve given her.
try making this a bit more realistic, or just leave out the serious parts and keep it a solid parody.
| bellecatastrophe chapter 8 . 6/11/2006
you can't just leave it there! Please, Siaa Faerie! We need to know if Abbi tells Anna or if she has an abortion... and blah blah blah. I feel really sorry for Jack, he's a sweet guy. The story is great, the only bit I'm having trouble with is connecting the 'hell parts' with the other story. Care to explain?
great story, keep up the good work.
| Thor Mjollnir chapter 8 . 3/12/2006
please write more! I have to know what happens next please please! I have to know! this is such a great story!
| Thor Mjollnir chapter 7 . 3/12/2006
wow amazing! I really really like this story!kept working on it!
| Thor Mjollnir chapter 6 . 3/12/2006
VERY VERY GOOD CHAPTER! I love it because there is a little of everything there is serious and yelling then there is the fun and sexy part best chapter yet!
| Thor Mjollnir chapter 5 . 3/12/2006
I am really really loving this story kimbi! the plot line is getting more and more intense and is starting to make more sence to me. Can't wait to read more
| Thor Mjollnir chapter 4 . 3/11/2006
This is really really great! I can't stop reading! This characters tend to get confusing. You need to introduce them better instead of just sticking them in the story because then you don't know if you have met this person before or not and what has already happend to them! The story line is very good just needs some little tweeking
| Thor Mjollnir chapter 3 . 3/11/2006
I am not going to lie I am very confused? I am not sure what is going on and who is raping or dating who and if these guys are gay bi or str8?
| Thor Mjollnir chapter 2 . 3/11/2006
This needs to be worked on... the order of things gets very confusing. good content but just needs refined. heheh I can help you with that. don't use ( ) anymore it destracts from the story the info is good in them but just use commas or something else instead
| Thor Mjollnir chapter 1 . 3/11/2006
Kimbi! I love the beginning to this story it is very strong and makes me want to read more. I would work on the ending the HELL part I think it needs to be more urgent! can't wait to read more!