Reviews for Legalassa
Vulpine Ninja chapter 1 . 9/9/2003
Hey, I absolutely liked it! Especially the old language.

Although it sounds cliche (noblewomen must marry noblemen not peasant thing).
Rachel chapter 1 . 7/25/2003
i like it a lot :). though you haven't updated in a while [hint hint ;)].

just a little sidenote...the nights actually had to be helped onto their horses their armour was so heavy [the full, battle type at any rate] and, say, if they were nocked off, they were unable to stand...so their protection would become thier prison.

it's pretty heavy stuff 0.o
Black Wolf5 chapter 2 . 6/30/2003
Hm - It seems Pretty good so far as I've read, but I'm not sure some story elements work for me. First of all, an unrtrained apprentice blacksmith probably couldn;t defeat a knight in armour, and they are used to moving in that kind of weight (ie. immensely strong). Also, I think you need to work on your realistic dialogue (If you were in this kind of situation, bound by the social constrictions of honour, modesty etc. would you openly gloat about the payment for your daughter, or the members of your family that you'd assasinated?

You've got emotive down pat though, a lot better than I can usually do, and you seem to have a good idea as to what's happening. I'd also suggest you slow it down a little, but I think that about almost every piece I read :)
georgie b chapter 3 . 4/27/2003
this is a really nice treat. light hearted and entertaining, a great start! much more easier to read and understand that ur other story. also i liked how u structured it. the perspectives of the diff characters. Acilla is adorable, v. loyal bird.

i guess this is destiny, fate, how two ppl are tied together. soulmates? they dream about and think about each other before they even meet? for all they know it cld be a fictional fantasy character of their wildest imagination.

v. well done descriptions of lassa' emotions. it takes u into the story, making u pity her and such. also hinting on wats to come. that only letting her run away wld make the story more interesting. but i dont understand why Dasa is depressed, didn't he just won the favor of some knight? doen't get to serve his country? k, i realize its the medievals.

wow and i loved the part when their eyes met.v. mesmerizing! u've a hand with descriptions i must say.

one more little thing: wats the last few words of the end of this chapter? gibberish it looked like! typo, i'm guessing?

praise praise praise, enough praise already eh? well...wat negative point are there to ...point out? it is a bit slow which only annoys the reader since he/she is anxious to see if Lassa does escape the clutches of Riwan. slightly too much emotions and no surroundings at all! i can picture the ppl but it's all fuzzy around they. but thats only a personal opinion since my work is exactly the opposite. also tho u describe the obsession for freedom, being chained and all that stuff, u dont really get to know the spirited girl/guy the one who seeks adventure. just the depresses teens!

anxiously wating for the updates! so promising.
Faeriegurl chapter 1 . 4/11/2001
I love it!Bravo! Write more!
Loren Andrews chapter 2 . 4/9/2001
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...very good, very good. i likies. good descriptions, good characters. i'd like to see where your plot leads.
wotan chapter 1 . 1/28/2001
Finally got time to sit and read this! Just as good as part one (but please do watch the typos). Nicely observed - the ladies of the court were spot on. You are obviously an independent spirit yourself! Interesting technique around sections 15,16,17,18 where you were flipping quickly between points-of-view. It works well. Will it have a happy ending ... I wonder.
The Contemplator chapter 1 . 1/27/2001
Oh my god, your soooo good! Write more... NOW! Hee hee
CoolGurl chapter 1 . 1/27/2001
Fantastic! Write more.
puzzle chapter 1 . 1/25/2001
cool! really good story. loved the way dasa beat the knight as he *wasn't* wearing armor. you should do lots more stories.
wotan chapter 1 . 1/24/2001
A few typos (e.g. it's, steal) and an occasional 'strange' sentence. A good Beta-reader could deal with these 'technical' problems. But, enough carping - the ideas and the flow of the story are quite excellent. And your descriptions of things are wonderfully realistic - it's so easy to imagine oneself there, fighting alongside Dasa, aching with Legalassa for adventure. I really enjoyed it, need one say more than that? I can't understand why it hasn't had a bucketful of reviews. Off to get part-2 so I can read it at leisure ... why hurry a good thing.
Star chapter 1 . 1/9/2001
Oh cool!
Star chapter 1 . 1/9/2001
Ohhh! I love It!
SweetEvil chapter 1 . 1/9/2001
This is really interesting so far. It's a different style to get used to, but I think I'm getting the hang of it.
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