|Reviews for Dr Egnus' Institution of Psychological Research|
| Forsakn chapter 1 . 9/6/2004
Hmm. Hi Bryent. Okay. You know, your storyline is nice. I like your storyline. But IMO, there is something wrong with your tone. Hmm. This won't be too accurate, but it's a bit like you're reluctant to write the story? As if you were forced to do so against your will. It shows here. The flow of words is okay, mostly. It skips a bit in the prologue. Hmm. Maybe you could rewrite the chapter from 1st person, instead of doing it in 3rd person. Cos in 1st person, we see Ambrose, hating the test and the stupid, annoying teacher. In 3rd person, we see the author somehow very against this story, with subtle hints dropped everywhere. Eh, like I said, just an opinion. Sides, I hope this review helps.