Reviews for Transformer
MageDay chapter 1 . 10/9/2004
For the beginning...extremely descriptive and lots of adjectives, (as you said in you profile! -) Keep writing! Good luck!
SilverOcean chapter 1 . 9/8/2004
i read half of this chapter. (i no, pathetic, but I should be doing homework instead of reading.) That's also why I haven't read your work yet, sorry. You were so nice in reading all nine chapters of my story, and I could barely read one of yours. You're in college too, while I'm only in the eight grade!
So anyway, your story was extremely good. There are only a few things I want to comment on, and that is that you should read through it again out loud, and listen to the flow of words for some sentences sounded a bit choppy. Other then that, you have very good imagery and entered into the whole story very well, and have a nice plot going with very original characters.
I will get back to you soon and read more then just half a chapter. (I'm so sorry about that! You deserve better for reading my WHOLE story and then giving great advice that I'm taking and using. I'm right in the middle of correcting my errors in my story!)
Keep writing because you're very good! I'm hoping to see more things from you in the future.
Jairyanna chapter 1 . 9/6/2004
Woah, your story is so good. You put alot of descrip[tion in it, and I like that. Keep up the good work! :)
Merciful Evans chapter 4 . 9/3/2004
Like I told you already, I loved the chapter, so beta-ing was no problem at all! I still want my fluffy bunny though ;) Pitre's an interesting character, and his relationship with Syllis has me wondering...
Merciful Evans chapter 3 . 9/3/2004
I'm a little mad at Melanie for leaving Milly and Thom before finding out if Thom was alright; seems a poor way to show gratitude! Still, once again, a bit of a quieter story than Syllis's, more like a jaunt in the park. I think Melanie's pragmatic character affects it that way, and it's great that her character can change the story's viewpoint so much.
By the way, I've fixed my story now, so if you'd give me a more specific review I'd be very grateful myself!
Merciful Evans chapter 2 . 9/3/2004
As you asked..! A rather quiet chapter, despite the mysterious opening. Reminds me of how Part II of my story will open, actually...the dialect is interesting, and must have been a real challenge to type out, good for you! One note: fictionpress can't handle Word's ... (ellipsis) for some reason, it turns them into one period; you can fix this by backspacing immediately after typing each ellipsis in Word. Word is weird like that.
Keep it up!
Googlenheimerschmidt chapter 4 . 9/3/2004
Oh...I like this even more now! Write more!
Googlenheimerschmidt chapter 1 . 9/3/2004
Very good! I like your writing style. I shall be reading more soon..
Googlenheimerschmidt chapter 1 . 9/3/2004
Very good! I like your writing style. I shall be reading more soon..
Tempest Epilogue chapter 2 . 8/31/2004
I like Melanie. She's funny. But I thought I'd reviewed the first chapter already. Oh well. It's a good beginning, I'd like to read more.
~ Tempest Epilogue
Merciful Evans chapter 1 . 8/31/2004
Thank you for your kind comment! I apologize for the state of my first chapter; I wrote it without taking into account its' online appearance. I hope to fix it soon, and in the meantime, the second chapter is being posted with spaces.
My thoughts on Of Grace and Darkness: It's an interesting start. I like your diction, it adds a certain atmosphere to the story, and the descriptions of the characters give the readers very clear indications of their personalities. The only dissonant note that I picked up was on the dialogue of your characters; I could see your efforts to give the high priest very unique speech patterns, but some seem to contradict one another. I appreciate his accent, but it seems to fall off on some lines. In the larger picture though, I enjoy the prologue and hope to read more as you continue Syllis's story!