Reviews for Little Dancer
yona chapter 1 . 9/15/2004
hey great rhyming and rhythm. hahaha now i get your old nick. your POV changes are pretty good but the little dancer's POV is dropped after one stanza.
arcanum-zw chapter 1 . 9/6/2004
Hiya Pigsie. Don't say I never review you. _
I liked this better than the other one. Avian Titania was it? The language in this one is simple enough for my backward mind to comprehend you see. Try to keep it personal yeah? Good writing.
alors chapter 1 . 9/5/2004
hmm. i... liked Avian Titania better. this one has a few minor problems... [i'm not saying i can do better]
minor-ish things: porcelain back... well... you can't exactly see her back, so it shouldn't be the whiteness, but her back also shouldn't be breakable, and porcelain isn't exactly malleable. it just doesn't seem to fit.
the third stanza... [does "will he like it" count?] "foul up" kind of ruins the mood. actually, the whole stanza's mood is a little different. i know it's because of the POV change, but... yeah.
lambkin, frolicking: this has connotations of being very... childlike, hapy, bouncy etc. but in previous and later stanzas the dance seems more... elegant. and if it was a childlike dance the king probably wouldn't... you know... and furthermore, she wouldn't really seem the type to kill. her thoughts do show naivete... so would she really kill? or have a dagger, at that...
well, basically, the mood and tone is rather... fluctuating. probably because of the POV change, but it could be smoother anyway
saa. the idea is great, and nice imagery/description. ganbatte
omi chapter 1 . 9/3/2004
woo i see my name. i like this one the best!
negligible fictional force chapter 1 . 9/1/2004
BEAUTIFUL.
this is a masterpiece.
-kismet.
Leonines Ishiko Fauxville chapter 1 . 9/1/2004
I do like the rhyming, but I confess Avian Titania was novel. This poem doesn quite strike a cord. Do keep up the poems!
mommy chapter 1 . 9/1/2004
hello dearr sonneh-! lovely poem
silverbauble chapter 1 . 9/1/2004
Ok. I like this poem better.
Lovin the theme, but the use of the diff POVs is a bit confusing.
Yay to daggers stuck into evil rulers.