Reviews for Hilton Academy
WhamBamThankYouMam chapter 38 . 12/3/2005
Aww that was such a cute ending.

Wow, I read this all in one go... That was a long read... But worth it XD
limericks chapter 38 . 11/17/2005
hey der...sry if der r any speelling errors, cause my finger's all numb from copying n pasting ur 38 long long chapters...haize/..

anyway, jus wanted to say tt ur a great authoress...hehe...glad ta noe tt u like harry potter. mayb u rite fer fanfic as well? lol

newaies, cause ur such a great writer, i jus wanna noe if ur willing ta rite a nice original stry fer once...

cause most of duh stories i read r... cliched,..i dunnoe...dey're all really predictable, n same... all boring n mundane...hopefully u'll rise ta tis request, n agree to write an original, totally life-altering, rawking stry... with a totally ORigInaL plot...yeah

hehe...well, i jus hope tt u'll tink it ova, n send me a msg perhaps?... thx
eldrin chapter 38 . 11/6/2005
Just brilliant! I hold much love for this story, it has been more than enjyable. Bravo.
DemonRabbit231 chapter 38 . 11/6/2005
Well, I'm not sure if I've reviewed before though I think I have to have because I've been reading this for months and it rocks. There's the right combination between dialogue and the little snippets of description between them. Jesse's stubbornness was sometimes entertaining to read, sometimes exasperating, but she is a terrific character. Amazingly developed and I like her snappy one-liners.

I really loved the scene when she confessed those things to Will. It shows how comfortable she is with him now. Sometimes I read stories on this site and think there's no possible way these people can stay with their high school sweethearts, but I've got to say Jesse and Will have a good chance of making that happen.

The writing is excellent. I can't wait until your next story.
Jennifer H. Westall chapter 38 . 10/30/2005
Yay! I finally finished. I really enjoyed this story, and I want to give a helpful review, so this may be a little long. Here goes:

You are a very talented story-teller. Your character development was excellent. You have written two characters that are easy to fall in love with. They grow and change in a very real way throughout the entire story. I haven't read anything else you have written, but based on this story, I believe you could be an accomplished writer one day if you wanted it.

There are two things I would recommend that you work on. First, you obviously have a very clear picture in your mind about what exactly is going on in each scene, down to all the details. That's awesome, and you do a good job of creating that picture in the reader's mind mmost of the time. I would suggest, however, that you actually try to refrain from over explaining a scene or a facial expression, or clothing, etc, etc. It is so difficult to do, because you want the reader to see exactly what you see, but you also have to let the reader create the scene in their own mind. Just give a few details, and let the reader fill in the rest with their own imagination, or with people and places they know in their own minds. Then the story becomes their own as well, and they feel like they are a part of it.

Second, and this relates to the first, is that I would recommend cutting way back on the number of adverbs you use. It is very difficult to do away with all of them, but getting rid of as many as possible will improve your writing and communication tremendously. For example, if you were to write, "She reached across the table and pat his hand friendily," this does convey the way she pat his hand, but it's kind of lazy. You could instead "show" how she pat his hand and communicate it better. Maybe you could say, "She reached across the table and gave his hand a warm pat." I don't know. That was a bad example probably. But hopefully you get my drift.

Anyway, if you are serious about writing-and I think you should be-I highly recommend reading a book by Stephen King called, "On Writing." I'm not a big fan of most of his books, but he is obviously someone who knows how to write books that sell. This book is so helpful, and he gives you great advice that is easy to understand and apply. He recommends-and I agree-that you should go back through your work and try to rewrite as many sentences as possible without using adverbs. I tried it on one of my chapters, and it was really hard, but I also think that my writing got so much better. Anyway, I am looking forward to reading more of your work, and I hope you wouldn't mind giving my story a once over as well when you have some time. In your own words: MWA!
Jennifer H. Westall chapter 11 . 10/27/2005
aw, she's starting to like him, and she doesn't even know it yet. I liked this chapter. And one of your characters was name Brody! That's my 2 year-old's name! So now this has to be my favorite story!
Jennifer H. Westall chapter 8 . 10/27/2005
Still lovin the story. My only crticism, and it's very small cuz you're doing so well, is that you allow Jesse to be soft about something. Her character is getting static and predictable cuz she's always mad and hating everybody, even me! What did I do? Anyway, I just think it would make her a more realistic and dynamic character if she had a soft spot for something. Just a thought! And since you requested hugs, and since I enjoy giving them so much, I'm sending one at ya! Good job on this chpater. I'm looking forward to Will's POV.
Ms.Romantic chapter 38 . 10/26/2005
loove it
Juniper Nights chapter 1 . 10/25/2005
Great start
Bookworm428 chapter 38 . 10/22/2005
This story was awesome. I love your characters! They have such personality, it was truly an amazing story.
Jennifer H. Westall chapter 4 . 10/22/2005
Ok, now I am starting to think that Will is just a little bit weird. I do not know any guys that would continue to put themselves in a situation where they would be rejected, especially teenage guys. He must have no ego. Or he actually enjoys irritating her. A POV of Will's would be helpfull here. Ok, I'm continuing on now. By the way, I didn't mention it in the last review because I forgot, but I think you made a quote in that last chapter that should go into book of Best Quotes Ever. "Well done; help yourselves to stickers."
Jennifer H. Westall chapter 3 . 10/22/2005
At this point I think it would be good to see Jesse interacting with her friends more. Is she this biting and sarcastic with people she likes? The writing is still very good by the way. Keep it up. Well, obviously you did, since I have a bunch more chapters to read. :)
Jennifer H. Westall chapter 2 . 10/22/2005
Why does this girl keep calling me a jackass and a loser? I'm listening to her story, right? ;) I am assuming that since you are labeling the chapters with POV's that another character's POV will come eventually. I am anticipating Will's, so maybe he will be much more polite to me as I read it.
Jennifer H. Westall chapter 1 . 10/22/2005
I think you are the first writer on FP that I have read that nails first person. I am totally convinced that the story teller is talking to me. I am even offended that she called me a loser.

I am equally impressed with the number of reviewers you are sporting, and I have to admit, terribly jealous. It is so unispiring sometimes to write something you feel is at least tolreable and have no one appreciate it. So email me if you have time and tell me your secret to finding readers.

I look forward to reading more of this story and some of your other works as well. :)
alexialynne chapter 38 . 10/21/2005
i didn't review the last chapter immediately because i thought this story deserved a long, beautiful review. now, 2 days later..and i still havnt found the right way to express how much I loved it.

I guess it is as simple as that.. I LOVED IT!

it was well written..in terms of language and vocab.. i will stick to what i said earlier though, it was a bit too wordy at certain parts, making the story seem a bit too draggy. but besides that, this is definitely THE BEST i have read in Fiction Press.

and You, my dear Amy, is definitely A FABULOUS writer. :) *stand up and starts clapping for ya*

the story was well thought out and all those emotions were written amazingly. the story was touching, thought provoking and undoubtedly angsty enough to entertain everyone. the whole description of her breaking down, of her putting on a strong facade.. the whole thing about her was superb. you made a character so.. realistic. so believable. and so easy to relate too.

like I have already said, I loved this story. absolutely LOVE IT!

keep writing. you're too good. I wish you all the best in whatever you are doing. if you ever wanna try making it big by publishing your stories, I'll be there to back you up.

:) take care! cant wait to read more of your stuff! hugz
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