Reviews for Untitled Short Story
Nova-Janna chapter 1 . 2/7/2005
Oh, that was cute! Wonderfully written, short, and to-the-point, with a bit of a twist. Had me fooled...But then again, that's not saying much.
Luminated Blood Star chapter 1 . 2/7/2005
OMG! That was SO good. The twist at the end was REALLY unexpected and so sweet, though I normally figure out the twists. I love this story.
Pineapple Chiffon Cake chapter 1 . 9/27/2004
Oh wow! This was really good! _ Perfect before-bedtime reading! I was like "Oh no! Angstfest!" And then at the end I was giggling like a mad duck. This was really nice to read. Great job!
Ms. Eerie Queerie chapter 1 . 9/13/2004
Oh how cute! .
SECOND CHAPPIE PLEASE
TRISTAN SOUNDS WAY CUTE!
COOL!
I LIKE HIM!
AND I DUNNO WHY!
THE UKE SINDRUM I TELL U!
I LOVE HIM!
PLEASE WRITE MORE OH GREAT ONE I BE OF THEE! *.* BYE
Thunder Dart chapter 1 . 9/6/2004
*gasp* I was so sure Tristan was marrying Amelia... It just made me really happy to read it, like when you watch one of those movies that you're sure everything is ruined for the main characters and then it turns out perfect.
Yay.
magicnina chapter 1 . 9/4/2004
Cute! Fluffy. Sounds just as god as when you described it to me.
ola chapter 1 . 9/3/2004
yohe! loved it!
i was a little sad, but your story cheered me up! thanks a lot!
great twist at the end! uterly fantastic. it just found its way onto my favorite story list *grins* )
Beautiful Midnight chapter 1 . 9/3/2004
Woo, you used the names I suggested. That was such a sweet little story. I was all "Gah! She's gonna kill him!" And then you were all "No, no. We're your dads." So .. *smack* For making me think before noon. Damn you.
Great story, though. Loved it, it's in my favorites.
Edward Uwnhai Silverfang chapter 1 . 9/3/2004
Well, you probably don't know this but when I read something I can't help but correct it, that’s why I'm such a good beta, hee. So down bellow, take a look, you didn't make the mistakes everywhere, so it's obvious you know the rules and such, just missed them here.
{He loved the completely blown away on the shorter mans face, though it pained him that the words came as such a shock.}
Blown away what? Look?
{"I... Why didn't you ever say it before.." His voice was almost awed.}
H in his needs to be lower case.
{"God..." she began, sounding both amused exasperation.}
Sounding both amused exasperation? Do you mean sounding both amused and exasperated?
{Grinning brightly, Amelia clasped her hands behind her back. "I wouldn't have it any other way."}
That should be one sentence look more like this: {…behind her back, “I wouldn’t have it…”}
{An embarrassed Tristan responded, still hiding behind Davyn. "Well, we're both your fathers. We'll both walk you."}
Same is the last one, needs to be one sentence: {…hiding behind Davyn, “well, we’re both your fathers.”}
Should likely get to the actually review now, though, so lets see…
I liked it very much. Beautifully written and very entertaining, good dose of humor, just a touch of angst, and some great lines while learning to dance. Do some more *grin* Would like to see more of your works.
-Eddie )
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