This paragraphs in this story are all smooshed together so it made it difficult to read and it took away from the chapter in my opinion. anyway, i like how you use lots of details and descriptions! It really made me feel like I could picture and see everything in my head! :D Great job!

So far, so good! I like this story alot! :D

Ok...As much as im your friend, AND as much as i know u crave for attention, this story is not...so well done. In layman's terms, this story is crap. I am so sorry to have called the story that, but firstly. This is not a story, and its more like a short paragraph of what you do in Ragnarok online. You related much more to the game than realistic stuff. Like how the hell are u going to create a party? and what the hell was job level 10? You think people would have given themselves job levels? And since shes a daughter, and sounds at least she was 10-12, why isnt she Leveled up yet? 12 years is a long time to level. So i suggest erase this one, and get a new one. One WITHOUT parties nor leveling. You could just say something on gaining REAL EXPERIENCE ( not the game exp) to deal with certain situations and when she successfully got the mission done or something she has the honor blahblahblahblahblah to join some blahblahblahblah. ok. Thats first point. Secondly, one major flaw. Why can't her parents "tank" her. and dun use the term tank. It sounds really superficial. wait. this could be further broken up into 2. On tanking, its just too *into* the game. In RO, its perhaps useful coz those are dumb AI we're talking about. And you yourself can't run and jump. BUT in real life, you CAN run and hop and jump. AND the monsters HAVE INTELLIGIENCE. They are not dumb. I dunt think the concept of Tanking works. And back to parenting. Why can't her parents tank her? Since its their lovely daughter? But if you include the substance of REAL LIFE EXPERINCE, yup, reason there for you.
Andd...Thats all. All I can try and help you on, * i dunt think it was good help though...was it?* with my great decriptive skills. Haha. I'm sorry if i perhaps sound too provocative, but...you know, thats me. Good luck on future chapters.

Hmm..intersting. I like it though. Would you mind reviewing my story Fire, Ice and Stars?
Grazie
~hottgoddess~

Cool:) The Tanking idea is really inventive. You must write more!

This is..a Ragnarok Online fanfiction. It should be in , not here.