Well first off I love your music recommendations (although I'll admit I'm too lazy to follow them), but still, you have great taste. I love that Jacklyn is such a strong character and that you have her totally thought out. I find her a little unrealistic at times, and I feel like I don't really sympathize with her so much. I mean, I like her in the strong character sense, and I like reading about her, but I can't help feeling that if I knew her in real life, I would dismiss her as a total bitch. I guess my suggestion would be to throw in some little piece of info about her to strike a chord with all readers. But whatever, you've got some great one-liners and a great story.

(:

Amazing job.

I love it!

I like the changes that you have done since the first time I read Jacklyn's character. She's much more strong-willed, in-your-face, and intense than I first pictured. Good job conveying that.

Poor Conor. Haha. Nice chapter.

Hehe. Good chapter. And I have two chapters up for my story.

Hm...a sumary. I can't think of one, but you could maybe do your favorite quote from your story, whether or not it has appeared in the story yet is your choice...

I will agree with you, from what I remember of this chapter in the first version, this has improved immensely. Before it was as clumsy as Connor's attempts at advancement. Now it's really smooth and has this really wonderful flow. I can see this all happening in my head, and it's Zach Braff's wet dream :p

I also love the way you reworked the song-writing. The motivation makes him less emo and more musician, which makes me quite happy.

I do, however, require more Holden. I need my fix, woman! This is all your fault!

I think your story would be really hard to write ... The fact that you have such great characters makes it easy to create a story entirely with fillers. So I really hope you have a nice plot along the way as well.

And even though Jacklyn is promiscuous and rebellious I feel that sex in this story should be a turning point (Psst ... also I'm rooting for Smith Smith! Love a boy who makes tin foil stars to stick on his ceiling).

Anyway, great first 5 chapters. Post soon!

very, very, very good.

Great chapter! I really like this story. This main character is different than the usual silent or popular cliche that you see now. I really like the outspoken independent personality.

I noticed that you spelled chauvinist:

She was a title to them and her defeat would prove their shovenist superiority.

Love the story and I think you transitioned well.

it's been a long time since i've read this story but i'm pretty sure all the descriptiveness is new.

i think it's beautifully genius and i'm looking forward to reading the rest of it as it's posted.

She laughed loudly as she reached forward and gently tugged at a tuft of Conor's mussed up hair. “You look like Bob Dylan circa 1964,” she said. Eyebrows lifting in unison up his forehead, he tried to hide his amusement at the comparison, taking it as a complement.

-just wanted to let you know it's compliment.

i'm so glad you're back and writing the story!

I loved it the first time, and I'm still loving it.

If I see anything I'll let you know!

So far, it's perfect!

The description of Connor's voice remind me of Shawn Putnam for some reason. Which is weird because his voice isn't scratchy... but whatever. You should still check him out on myspace. He's pretty good, and the writing style is a little alike.

PS- I'm officially in love with Holden :p

It keeps on getting better and better with each rewrite. I can't imagine how awesome this will be by the time you're done :)

Again, a great update. The details are nicely distributed among actions, and your descriptions are well written.

Not to mention, Jacklyn sounds like someone I'd enjoy getting drunk with, and Smith seems like a little boy I'd want to play games with (and not even very dirty games, at that, haha).

Actually, if you have the time, I'd appreciate it if you could take a look at the story I've just started; any input is greatly appreciated on my behalf.

Update soon, else you'll have a very angry reviewer on your hands.

lol wow who would name their kid smith smith? i guess his parents were high