|Reviews for it becomes you|
| negligible fictional force chapter 1 . 10/3/2004
i'm not myself today.
it becomes you that shroud you wear
everything we do becomes us
does it not?
or maybe we think so.
who knows what you think
this is a scary poem,
but being athena,
scary with style.
i like the last two lines
before the end
they are powerful.
you use caps to your advantage
and they scream the things
and nothing's real neither's she
what becomes you?
the message you send
make a korean horror movie.
what am i saying?
i like this poem.
rose petals strewn around her bed
she gathered them in her hair
it becomes her.
what am i saying?
i don't make sense today.
but this is a lovely poem,
you have a lovely angst vocabulary.
and angst -
it becomes you.
| Shadafakup chapter 1 . 9/21/2004
And .. I have no words for this.
It's full of expression, sensory details and vibrant colour. A lovely combination of words that very much entice the senses.
I liked the play on old sayings; "now you see it, now you don't", the unique choice of vocabulary, and the creative phrasing; "wearing a white gown that she calls innocence".
The capitals did an awesome job - just the exact place where it needs to be.
Brilliant piece, and the ending, although slightly expected, did pack it's desired punch.
You know, I think I'll just add you to my favourites list. You say you're 13? I would hardly believe that, except that I know the word "talent" exists in some people.
| Micoladen mile chapter 1 . 9/21/2004
My friend, I am not actually escaping from flames, and this is not a flame, btw, if you can think clearly. What I have done. Thus, now, commenting on this poem.
I'm sure its me, but there are some parts which I totally...do not get what the intention was. Frresh... was it to emphasise some kind of point? Or was it actually trying to make the syllables sound nicer? Wellz...honestly, I dont really know.
And the last line of your 2nd paragraph. Why was it actually to spite you? "A same way as a splattered knife does" As in...your tone of that particular paragraph was not really...actually, fitting for the last stanza. It would have been me, but that it what I actually honestly think about that poem. There may be alot of other good points, but i'm sure you know them yourself. There may be other..."not-so-good" points i may not have pointed out. But in all, this poem is good...It captivates the attention of the reader with its...moderness? not like the good ol'poems of mine which drone on and one about communism in you and your friends eyes. Thus, really...continue writing. These are good pieces of work. Btw...sorry bout the gingerbread man incident. I...it was my first time doing a review after all...hmmphz...btw...how did all of you find out bout the change...isit linked or something? ok...thats it. It is currently 2:14 a.m. needa sleep now. Bb
| arcanum-zw chapter 1 . 9/17/2004
Hi Athena! Beautiful (and creepy) imagery here, paints a horrific picture in the mind. Vocabulary usage was excellent as well. And you're using brackets again, to great effect. _
| Ohmm chapter 1 . 9/17/2004
beautiful. you can really make your poems flow.
i love your style, and it really fits the theme and mood of this poem.
beautiful. you go girl!
| Bryan chapter 1 . 9/17/2004
Athena,athena,athena. Dark poem as usual, but nicely put without too much over-dramitizastion. Better defined than the other new poems, though, so a btter job overall.
| jojox chapter 1 . 9/14/2004
not bad U
but cant tell how u lame.i guess thats the point of fictionpress eh?-crap-
* reviewing for fun ) during com studies!