Reviews for Bethrothed
Strangely Natural chapter 20 . 8/27/2008
*Maria looked at Alexandra's bruise and she gently stroked it. Maria always favored Alexandra while Stephano showed clear favorite for Elena.* I had a feeling that was so when Stephano slapped Alex and Elena smirked, she resembles her father in her hasty anger and judgments.

*Marie's heart ached for her daughter. Stephano never discussed the situation with her. She was not really disappointed since Darius would be an upstanding son in law. She was shocked that Darius had no interest in Elena. Her mom comforted her and whispered in her ear. "I'm sorry darling. It will not be that bad. "But why, why the rush" "His father is dying Alexandra and you will need to get settled in before you attend the university." That night Alexandra cried herself to sleep.* intriguing scene. Very full of emotion and empathy-inducing.

*Why Alexandra?" Elena asked him boldly "Elena, I really have no answer. I just know I have feelings for Alexandra." Elena eyes showed the pain that Darius had dealt her. "You have known her for only a week. She is not a horse that you can train." Darius turned away and continued to watch Alexandra "No, she is a diamond that just needs some polishing." Elena frowned. Darius was stubborn and she felt jealous that he was focusing so much energy into such an ungrateful brat. "She's not ready for marriage and she is infatuated with a local boy." "I know. It is a challenge that I will deal with." Darius told her without thought Elena shook her head and turned away.* just because Elena has been mean and callous, doesn't mean she has no heart as this scene evidently shows she does. Well done.

*I feel like I'm just property being passed around." Alexandra's eye started to tear. She had to turn away. Darius stood up and turned her around. He drew her into a hug. "Alexandra, I'm sorry you feel that way. I know I'm being selfish in asking for your hand instead of your sister since she was willing to be my wife." He kissed her gently on her forehead. "Your lucky Stephano didn't notice that you were drunk out of your mind, he would beat you in front of everyone."* her father seems like a genuine lunatic if he would've done do that. You can't maltreat children repeatedly and expect them to love you, no matter how young and understanding they are. Stupid man.

*It was nearing midnight and Alexandra was on her way to the bathroom when she saw Jenna and Darius in a deep discussion in the kitchen area. Her curiosity got the better of her so she hid to the side and listened in. "Darius, what happened to us?" Jenna asked upset. "Jen, at this point in my life, I was ready to make a commitment but not to you." Jenna quietly sobbed. She turned away from Darius. Jenna's heart was aching. She loved Darius and she had thought he loved her too. "It's obvious that girl is not in love with you Darius. She never shows you any affection. I would never dream of treating you like that. You would always come first." Darius felt bad. He went over to give Jenna a hug. Alexandra was peeking and she felt a tinge of jealousy. It was upsetting her that Darius was touching this woman. She never felt jealous before but somehow she wanted to go in there and tear the two apart. "Control yourself Alexandra, don't be rash. He is only consoling her" she repeated to herself. She had guessed that Jenna had been Darius's woman. It was apparent how Jenna was always so attentive to Darius. "I guess I would be devastated too if my man came back from vacation engaged to marry someone else." She told herself "Darius your such ass" she whispered to herself.* it's good to see that Alex is becoming mature and more empathetic to the feelings of others.

*"A man has needs and when you're not giving him anything. This Jenna bitch might get him on a weak moment one day. Guys are such asses when it comes to women. They loose all rationality when a boob is shaking in front of their face."* Strangely funny sisterly moment, at least she means well and has matured.

*My feelings for you are strong and the more time we spend together the stronger it grows. I would never run to anyone for sex even if I am deprived."* a line that every committed woman wants and loves to here.

*Jenna stepped back and got into her car. She left feeling victorious. She planted the seed of doubt into Alexandra's gullible brain. The young teen won't stand a chance with her. Jenna was an expert in the art of manipulation.* women shouldn't bother with these hurtful stupid games, no one wins.

*"How could you just let your family make such an important decision for you. She is not for you Darius." Jenna shouted at Darius "If I felt for you what I feel for Alexandra right now then I would have told my father to fuck off. Obviously my father wish was much stronger for me to fulfill then to marry you." He told her icily Jenna looked over at Darius. The hurt in her eyes was overwhelming. Darius looked away and continued. "If you can't understand that then maybe you should not work for me. I do not need you to taunt my fiancée about our past. That is what it is. Our past." Jenna started to cry. She could not fathom not seeing Darius everyday. "Please Darius. Don't push me away. I can learn to accept your relationship with Alexandra. I am even willing to be your mistress. I love you." "Do you hear yourself. Why would you even want to play second fiddle to anyone? Jenna, you have beauty, brains and money. If you just let go of the past. There will be plenty of men out there just waiting to fall in love with you. Don't lower your standards." "I don't want anyone else. I want you Darius. It's not fair. What can that girl possibly have done to make you fall for her so easily? I have been with you for 3 years. I gave my undying devotion and time to you." "That just it. Alexandra never had to give much for me to fall in love with her. Love can astound you, along with any sense of reason. It indescribable but she makes me want to make her happy. I want to do things for her. I think about her constantly and I am counting the day when she will reciprocate those feelings back." "Then you know how I feel Darius. Please don't turn me away." Jenna came over and tries to hug Darius but Darius stopped her. "No Jenna. I expect your resignation on my desk on Monday. We can no longer be friends." Darius left with Jenna grieving like a child.* that was by far the saddest scene in this whole novel besides when Alex was slapped by her father and when she confronted Darius about Jenna. A needed farewell, Jenna should follow his advice, she would be much happier.

*Inwardly he hated the thought that Alexandra can accept such a beating from her Dad as if it was normal. "Alexandra. No matter how insensitive your little running away stunt maybe, your father has no right to hurt you. No man has that right to hit a woman."* Darius is a very sweet man. and he's quite right. He's got his morals in the right place.

The end scenes six months after that fateful Christmas were wonderfully executed, well written and sweet. This is a great book and if the "telling" of what characters do and feel could be a bit reduced with more "showing" then this story could be even more entertaining. Pleasant writing, you're good.
outsidersgirl chapter 20 . 7/20/2008
a great story
bluecornmoongirl chapter 20 . 6/18/2007
Until now I have read 3 of your fictions(going to be 4) and I must say I love them.

You're really good in creating character and I love the wway you write. There're some error but it didn't effect the story.

Keep up the good work.

Thank for writing such amazing stories.
Tempest116 chapter 20 . 3/2/2007
Very cute story, great job. _
cherrypiesizzle chapter 1 . 1/9/2007
Oh, I see...I read your profile and you said English was your second language until recently. I was surprised; your English is very good to have learned it as a second language. You have great vocabulary! It's very admirable, since I could never do that with a language I didn't grow up with. You could try varying your sentence structure and the length of your sentences a bit, though. And, remember to add linking words. It sounds repetitive and choppy if a majority of the sentences in a paragraph start the same and have the same length. It doesn't flow. For example:

She was very beautiful. Her name was Renee. Renee had green eyes and black hair. She was turning 19 and to be married. But she was headstrong. She had a friend and his name was Danny. He had hazel eyes and fair hair.

As opposed to:

Many said she was a very beautiful girl. With eyes as green as the far and stormy ocean and hair like obsidian, Renee was sought after by all. However, she was headstrong and hated the attention men gave her. And to think, she was to be betrothed on her birthday! Turning 19 had never been more difficult. She only had one friend, a handsome boy with hazel eyes and fair hair, named Danny.

I added more description in the second paragraph as well, and sort of incorporated the information about the characters rather than just stating it. And, oh yes, betrothed is spelt wrong in your title (you spelt it as bethrothed). Unless, of course, it was done purposefully. If that's the case, then ignore what I just said D

I hope you'll consider my suggestions, since I believe you have talent! Otherwise, I wouldn't have bothered helping you at all haha
youpin chapter 1 . 12/30/2006
asukachan87 chapter 11 . 6/23/2006
Ok... so back in italy she lives in tuscany and they got to Milan in 1 hour... driving what? a space rocket? No part of tuscany is anywhere closer than 550 miles from Milan I'm afraid...
Alenor chapter 20 . 1/24/2006
aw that was nice. cya later.
Remy418 chapter 5 . 6/19/2005
Lily BloodSky chapter 20 . 5/8/2005
oh i just love, love, love this story you are a great writer i've read your witch hunter robin stiry incident propsal i think is the name and i loved it. i've also read faith and i loved it too. well i love your dtory's and there so amazing i love them. write some more romance story's you rock at then! please and thank you. Ja ne!
running-with-mascara-eyes chapter 1 . 3/25/2005
Hey, I don't if I have reviewed thisstory but if I have sorry and if I haven't here you go.

i absolutely enjoyed this story, I love the way you described their relationship. It's beautiful
Weeee chapter 20 . 3/6/2005
This story is wonderful but you have not updated in a LONG TIME! What happened? Please update as soon as you can. You are so far in this story to stop now!
veralidaine sarrasri chapter 20 . 2/18/2005
wow! this is really good!you are a very talented authorI love all your work,especially your WHR fics on to see more of your work
kuronekosama666 chapter 20 . 2/4/2005
for lack of better adjectives AWESOME STORY seriously, it kept me interested the whole way. I love the character Roman and Darius. Great now i have another imaginary thank you for taking the time to write out such an awe inspiring story. i hope u get recognizion er somethin for this story-
Gothic-Cutie chapter 20 . 1/28/2005
this was excelent but there are so many typos that you're just lucky that my mother is not reading this (she would cuss you out over the typos!) but you do need a beta reader to correct any mistakes!
134 | « Prev Page 1 2 3 4 5 .. Last Next »