Reviews for Everlasting Love
FatedDarkness chapter 1 . 6/5/2005
Whee I actually understand someone's work (I'm dumb before five). good job...But aren't Haiku's supposed to be about nature?
Sarah-Brighteyes chapter 1 . 3/1/2005
Beautiful. Wow. I think you have such a gift for writing. This poem for some reason really brought tears to my eyes. It was just beautifully written as though a happy memory. Great write and good read.
catseyeview chapter 1 . 11/22/2004
A smile like satin...It reminds me of an old coat I kept of someone who's gone, this poem. It still has his scent or cologne and I hold it close. It's soft cotton and reminds me of his touch. The satin made me think of this, sometimes we relate touch to a comforted feeling.
William Ironclad chapter 1 . 9/17/2004
Wow. That's really good. I like it a lot. Good work.
The Great, the Mighty, the Orc King
Akira Bane chapter 1 . 9/15/2004
Whoa! That's real neat how you stringed the haikus together! Cool poem!
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 9/15/2004
aw sad ending, but great metahpors in the beginning
RuathaWehrling chapter 1 . 9/15/2004
Hello, and thanks for your review! It'll be a little while before I post a new chapter of either "Foundation" or "Sirach", but you can try "Adege" if you're so inclined. Of course, it's only one chapter long at the moment, so it might not be worth your time yet!
Also, are you ever planning on updating "Within These Padded Walls"? Because, I want to know what happens, dang it! :)
Anyhow, on to THIS work...
1.) "That was stronger than even" - You use "than even" two stanzas in a row here. Can you alter one or the other?
2.) "Mariana's Trench" - Haha! Sorry. I've been researching ocean tides for too long... Wow, I'm such a geek, to have found this comparison amusing...
3.) "I guess what I am / Trying to convey," - This is a really sudden change of tone. I don't mean the switch to "I", but rather the sudden informality of "I guess that". The beginning was so... elegant, and this line was very jarring because of it. Can you rephrase to make it a just little more formal sounding?
4.) "Even though he left / To join the world of angels / I'll always love him" - This is a beautiful (and tragic) stanza. I feel like a jerk, picking on its grammar, actually, but I'm going to do it anyhow: Try adding a comma after "angels".
Very nice! Until the last stanza, I figured it was just about a guy who'd left her for someone else. Very nice switch at the end.
Take care, and sorry for the very long "review".
Saharian chapter 1 . 9/15/2004
Oo I love that. A bunch of little Haiku's making up a whole other poem. Wow. _ I have never seen anyone do that before and it is just so cool. And the poem is awesome. :-) I love it,