Reviews for One Will Rise
Dying Rose chapter 1 . 5/19/2005
Righto, very good! But now where is the rest? :P
RuathaWehrling chapter 1 . 9/22/2004
Hi there! You've reviewed so much of mine lately that I think it's time I returned the favor!
1.) "You know, sis, if you keep having these nightmares, you're going to put on some serious weight" - Haha! This is a great line.
2.) "ausing Laine to jump slightly and immediately turn around in the wooden chair that she sat in to look at the intruder" - This is sort of wordy feeling. Could you clean it up somehow? Maybe delete "that she sat in", since it's a bit redundant? Or something.
3.) I like her dad! :)
4.) " That is, until a dark figure approached their doorstep... " - Dum dum DUUM! (scary music)
Looks interesting! And I'm so happy and impressed at your wonderful grammar! Yea! It's so pleasant to read a well-written piece.
Now go write me some more! ;-) That's what happens when you do a good job, you know: your readers want MORE, NOW!
Saharian chapter 1 . 9/19/2004
o Nice first chapter! And a cliffy too! Now that is just mean and uncalled for ;-P I have a friend named Laine! That's so cool... Anyway I like it so far and I can't wait for you to update!
BuffLie chapter 1 . 9/19/2004
Sounds good do far. One tiny, little, nit-picky thing... when you said, "to see who the intruder was", Laine already KNEW who it was since she the "intruder" said "sis". That just stuck out to me. But... overall it's set up well. Curious what the nightmares, insomnia and dark figure all have to do with each other.