Reviews for Eyes Unclouded
Brooke ORiley chapter 1 . 12/21/2004
again, very interesting. i like the style, and especially the last line. and i feel i must tell you, just cause i tell everyone...watch your proofreading. it's important. ok. onward.
I Found Myself At 24 chapter 1 . 10/16/2004
A little too much stress on the rhyming if you ask me, but the general feel of the poem was really good. I especially like the ending (from "Past time now" onwards.) I think this would make a good song actually, because then the rhymes may not stick out as much. In general, great job though! :)
PetiteLumiere chapter 1 . 10/5/2004
I like the rythm of this song, it's awesome. And the meaning is really well thought out.
Kati .
Note: Don't use the word "flow" to describe poetry... _;;
Cry Tears of Darkness chapter 1 . 9/29/2004
ah a new poem yeay! i like i likes! if u can can u review the song imma post in 5 mins? lol thanks matt and post more so i can review!
Fiontari chapter 1 . 9/28/2004
Aww love, your songs are so beautiful and angsty. This was really good. You should write songs more often.
"Past time now and the hour's growing late
Time's clock just might my soul berate
If I'm tardy to my date
with destiny, my chosen fate."
Hawke
Aisha chapter 1 . 9/28/2004
"Don't worry now I promise it will be quick
It will feel just like a bee sting, just a little prick
You might feel warm and you might feel a little sick
Just let the truth sink in and let your dose of reality stick."
I love that line. One suggestion though. In the second line "It will feel just like a bee sting etc..." I think you should cut the just out "It will feel like a bee sting, a little prick." It makes it flow better in my opinion. But great otherwise. Much love, Suicidal_Greeting
Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 9/27/2004
Beautiful, truly beauitful. Keep up the good work.
Much love,
Juliet.