Reviews for Mistake
Jose chapter 1 . 10/4/2004
hhaa i like this...its sorta more interesting...hhaa lucky is a nicesong...quite?
negligible fictional force chapter 1 . 10/3/2004
i delivered a review
but fictionpress was down.
i was proud of that review,
you know.
i said this was great,
cause it was.
i'll write a new one,
i don't make sense today.
*deep breath*
the idea is an unusual one
high school politics
are scary
but we don't poison each other
except in looks.
the rhyming is slightly forced
but shows the effort you put in
well done.
i like the idea of
a high school anarchy.
miss perfect's fall from the
social ladder due to moral ethics
was a nice touch.
school life school.
the world revolves around school.
educate the streets.
i don't make sense.
and i like the way you incorporate
the concept of the britney song
in here.
kids aren't superficial
we know so much more
the way we act
is no different from you adults.
it's just their politics
is more publicised.
great work yongquan
you express your ideas well
i'm going round in circles.
mistakes we all make mistakes
humans are fallible.
the devil incarnate.
all in all
i like this.
i'm not myself.
great poem.
reicheru chapter 1 . 10/1/2004
i wonder how come you always talk from a girls point of view. ah wells.
this is a nice poem, but i dont really like the last paragraph. no i mean stanza. yupp.
i like the "The grass isnt really greener on the other side" line. ive always thought that we should be content with what we have *nods head sagely*
hahass good job *beamms*
Leonines Ishiko Fauxville chapter 1 . 10/1/2004
Hi! Yongquan...this is one of your poems? The style is quite unrepressed, and you did some rhyming. I think it gives it the narrative touch.
I must say though that it doesn't appeal to me overly. It's like those poems that kind seem to characteristic of our adolescnece, never quite adult, yet never as childlike as we'd hope it to be. I think mayhap it's the aim of the poem. It's somewhat there..:)
I think I shall emphasize that there really isn't any way that one could critique a poem as a good poem or a flop. I think all your poems are good poems. What matters next is the audience you cater to. Poetry is second taste. You DO have to focus, becaue little deviation is allowed. I think I can say that your poems are trying to encapsulate "adult" themes into your exuberant mind-eye, and it's a very interseting concept you can work with. Even though the themes are not a personal favourite of mine, I must say your poems are good.
Continue poetizing...:)
And R&R me...:0:):)