|Reviews for Circles of Arven|
| da hell chapter 1 . 9/26/2013
I open up the prologue and the first thing I see is an A/N bitching about politics? The FUCK?
| TheReviewer chapter 1 . 8/3/2013
You must be having a hard time reviewing all the people who've reviewed you, hmm?
| Scarlett Berry chapter 1 . 2/21/2013
This is so professional it's not even funny. I love this :)
| Black-Star123 chapter 1 . 1/4/2013
While you say the beginning is like Lotr and WoT as though that is a bad thing. It is definitely what made me start reading your story! Lotr was my favourite story until I found WoT, now that's my favourite story of all time. i have never found anything like it or as good. So I'm interested in the same style.
| havenjay chapter 1 . 7/28/2012
I mean, I guess I am a little late on this since you've already wrote most, if not all, of this story, but honestly, if you wanted to write LOTR fanfiction, there's a site for that. I understand that the most common response is "Well, everything fantasy is somewhat based on LOTR." No, it's not. LOTR was not the first epic fantasy to ever be written and why should it be the last? There are plenty of popular, original and modern fantasy books that are in no way indicative of LOTR. Come on, the elves fighting the dwarves and sending them to "Morania?" But who am I to judge, Paolini got away with blatant copyright and made a pretty penny...
On to the actual style, aside from the content. This piece is littered with run-ons. One glaring example: "Finally, the last King of Senlir was slain and the remaining forces of Senlir were forced to retreat, where once back into their home kingdom, Irunar proclaimed judgment upon the fallen kingdom, where he rained fire upon it and the kingdom of Senlir was no more, for it sank down to The Great Ocean." That one sentence is longer than my first paragraph I just wrote. When you are writing something that is this abstract with so many new characters and plots, it comes off as hard to get into and uninteresting for most people. I kept spacing out and losing my place through the mire of names and places you listed off. You need to break up your syntax style to keep the reader engaged. Also, the proper use of grammar and punctuation would help. (My taste would encourage more description, but not everyone loves to be as descriptive as I am, so that's more of a personal choice.)
Just as a general note, I don't see why this prologue is even necessary. All of this information could more effectively (and interestingly) be divulged throughout the story as it is relevant. Overloading your reader at the beginning is not an effective hook and will most likely be forgotten almost immediately anyway. And I'm sorry if it "gets better later," but unfortunately, you've missed your chance to intrigue a new reader, which is half the battle with any type of writing.
I consider it a disservice to give anything but the truth on critiques; I apologize if this comes off as an attack, rather than constructive criticism.
| Kira-in-the-heart chapter 25 . 5/4/2012
Dear Tsumujikaze no Soujustsu
Why should I screw you... You're a genius!
I truthfully never even thought of disappearing scenes, and they're not exaggerated...
Actually, is a good idea this kind of speed you gave them... And since I am a manga-holic myself, I can't blame you if you're being a bit influenced by them.
| Kira-in-the-heart chapter 24 . 5/4/2012
Dear Tsumujikaze no Soujustsu
My my.. isn't Eldan a real lady's man?
I wonder how he must be in "reality" ya know?
And now Azuren also is beautifull... isn't that just like nirvana... the paradise on earth?
Now I must continue reading couse of course there's the duel between them...
| Kira-in-the-heart chapter 19 . 5/4/2012
Dear Tsumujikaze no Soujustsu
The story is great.. And I must confess that the first chapter made me weep from sorrow... as did the chapters that fallowed it.
I luv it in a way I don't quite know how to put into words.
I'm not quite the writer you are so excuse me if I can't.
Anyway... Isn't Azuren all too eager for everything.
I mean, it seems like he's always happy and joyfull... I don't know if I explained myself well.
It's not meant to criticize .. it's only a question.
I'll continue reading it of course.
It is , after all, all too beautifull to stop midway of it all.
| M.R. Hill chapter 1 . 9/21/2011
Greetings there from the Roadhouse! It seems I'm the newest of many others to join in reviewing this work of your's. I hope you're willing to return the same to me on my own work, Grandmaster of Theft, but that's not important now.
- I am blown away by the sheer size of your world building. This is so well constructed in so many ways. I love the way you progressively build out the history alongside set-up the gradual build of things to each of the locations. I feel that I got a great feel and idea of just what everything is going to be like and I'm honestly HYPED looking forward to seeing where each of these come into play. You've a Tolkienesque like feel to bringing all of this together. I've not seen world building to this length in far too many things and it just sets my sights high for the remainder of this.
- These Gods and figures are incredibly well constructed. When I read about at them, they feel like they could fit into a real life mythology with ease. I love how everything comes together so far and how well it sounds.
- The style of presentation was excellent. I felt like I was truly reading an encyclopedic tome. Everything about this just has a feel of legitimacy which I appreciate so much.
- I'm not usually one to get into fantasy stories of this sort right away. I'm not sure why, but while I love fantasy, these style fantasies usually aren't my favorite to read about. However, you've so far made a great exception for me. I'm so freaking hyped to go on! I'm going to go take care of a quick chore of mine then return to give you some feedback on next part.
| xBlaze of ObsidianX chapter 13 . 9/14/2010
Very good chapters. I would have reviewed when I first read the chapters but it was on my phone so yeah. That was still very good and stupid Ranor, trying to distract Azuren. Idiot!
| xBlaze of ObsidianX chapter 8 . 9/11/2010
Very good. It doesn't sound all too much like LotR and WoT but it's good nonetheless.
| xBlaze of ObsidianX chapter 5 . 9/11/2010
Poor Julia. And poor Azuren. It's like they were doomed to be separate forever.
| xBlaze of ObsidianX chapter 4 . 9/11/2010
Poor Azuren. Stupid Ranor! Can I slice him in half with a lightsaber? Hahaha, I hope that he dies, I hardly know him and I already hate him.
| xBlaze of ObsidianX chapter 3 . 9/11/2010
Not bad though I thought it was a bit short. I liked it however even though you moved forward to different points of time throughout the entire chapter.
| AvidWriter-92 chapter 2 . 8/14/2010
Ooh! I loved this chapter, Bloodedge! :)
I very much enjoyed the referencing to the gods and goddesses in the prologue, and I loved the fantasy elements that you've put into the story! :D
I think that the characters were all very well portrayed, and I hope that in the next chapters, you will add more depth to their characters. I was sort of wondering what had happened between them all, to make them act a certain way, and wondering why Thelanor had killed Elaynia. But otherwise, I really loved this chapter.
The ending was especially well done, I thought. :) I liked the whole idea of an elf becoming immortal, and the reincarnation of Thanalor :D Way cool. :)
The only thing that was weird to me, was the part where you stated that the blade would remain in the ground for 10 yrs, and that Fenris had lived for a fourth of his life. That would make him 1550 when Thanalor was meant to come back, and that would mean that he would still be alive. Old, but alive. :P So, he wouldn't need immortality to witness Thanalor being reincarnated. :P
Otherwise, you're grammar looked pretty well edited, so I won't comment on that. :)
Great job on this story! It's definitely going to be one of my favorites. :D
Avid, via the Roadhouse. Repaid review. 1/1. :D