Reviews for Circles of Arven
Narq chapter 35 . 5/22/2009
Me just wondering, would they really say 'girls', or would they say 'ladies'? Well I guess depending on what age the girls' are, but then if the men wanted to be more gentlemen like they'd probably use the word "Ladies".

Good chapter!
Narq chapter 34 . 5/22/2009
Hi, I'm back. I just realised that maybe you should change your pagebreaks when you get to your A/N, perhaps you could just write a "A/N" at the start of it. I think I'm just a bit lazy, but it does help if you indicate the ending of your story and the starting of what you want to say or else I go "huh?" and get all confused.

Sorry, nothing really to say about the real context of the chapter.
Lana Sky chapter 9 . 4/26/2009
The first part so reminded me of that wolf-battle scene in 300! I was totally picturing it.

Your battle scene are quite good, but I still think that you could cut up some of your sentences just to add to the overall atmosphere. In a dramatic to-the-death fight, you don't have time to think. Everything you do is purely instinct. Slice up some of those long sentences to reflex this more. Sometimes even three-word or less sentences will suffice. Just a few, though.

Also. Showing vs. telling. You 'tell' alot of things that just seem out of place to me. For instance. The wolf's weight. That is something most people would notice after the encounter-not during. (I would just see a big doggy, with teeth...and mean...and omg wolves scare me)

Would you like a demonstration?

Just the first teeny paragraph can be made all the more dramatic with a few word changes:

Azuren stared at the giant wolf. Its silvery grey fur stood on end from it's shaggy hunches like needles in the wind. Its montrous width blotted out the (insert time of day here) light.

Azuren could feel his fingers trembling as he hastened to widen his stance. He knew that he would only have seconds in which to act. He was too slow.

The crunch of earth was his only warning, before the beast launched its attack.

A mixture of shot and long sentences with some 'showing' built in. I think just using this method a teeny bit will drastically change your battle writing for the better.

Why are the elves always anti-social, in every fantasy story? They're like the emo kid down the block who just hates everyone...

(can you answer this question for me? I'm serious)

Oh! I like the second half of the battle. Very nice.

I also love the dialouge with the wolf. He seemed very old, and very wise.

This chapter is by far, my favorite.

:D ~nicola
Narq chapter 33 . 4/24/2009
Wow.. I just realised that you tend to put in a lot of descriptions or a lot of dialogue. I think maybe mixing the two together would be better or it gets a bit boring after a while.
Narq chapter 32 . 4/24/2009
ahh... wow, so fight scenes again! You really love fight scenes don't you? That's good. I'm not that good at fight scenes.
Narq chapter 31 . 4/24/2009
Hi, I am back. I liked this chapter well enough but why the way you used the profile thing just jarred the reading a bit... unless you forgot to put in a pagebreak... oh well.

Narq.
Kalista Jia chapter 1 . 4/18/2009
Ah the creation of the world with magical beings. These types of opening always fascinate me.

Your description is very good as well. Detailed.

I enjoy the LotR atmosphere as well (best movie made ever)

The ending of this chapter is very good with the wolf howl.

(p.s. nice story I'll be reading it later on because I am in a hell of an insane month with tons of projects and stuff. Don't worry, you will see me soon enough.)
Narq chapter 30 . 4/2/2009
I like Lynn, you did her very well and I could related to her. This chapter would be among my favourites I guess. I like scenes with big burly men and scared girls, ha! something like that anyways.

I really enjoyed the emotion and the big hero feeling in this chapter.

Great job!
Narq chapter 29 . 4/2/2009
The village part was done very well. My heart was in my mouth, waiting to see what had happened, and I must say you processed the information really well.

One downside is that you 'tell' the reader the boy is malnourished. Show, don't tell. Starvation is a easy thing to describe - hollow cheeks, dull eyes...

good chappy though, one of the best!
Narq chapter 28 . 4/2/2009
After this chapter I shall take a break - maybe not, I'll get up to chap 30 and then I'll wait for you to remind me again . I'm so unorganised!

When I was reading, I suddenly realised I have no image of the characters in my head. You do the plot and the action really well but something you might want to work on would be the appearance of characters as that does not show up so strongly in your writing. I don't mean you haven't put up references to your character appearance at all, but I'm suggesting you add tibits of references from time to time.

Narq.
Narq chapter 27 . 4/2/2009
I'm just wondering if that italics part was a flashback or something that had happened or something he was thinking about. It's not very clear.

I like the way you have the character creation profile, it really lets the reader understand your characters a lot more - that being said, most novels don't have that and the reader have to try to combine all you've done in the profile, subtly in the text. Again, I'm just being picky.
Narq chapter 26 . 4/2/2009
This is a good chapter, but what I dislike (me being picky here,) is the way you use dialogue without stating who is talking. Of course the reader could try to work it out by the 'tone' of voice and so one but it really is making the reader work and it's tiring and may not be accurate. It would be much better to state who is talking and leave no doubt for the reader.

Otherwise, rivulting story!
Narq chapter 25 . 4/2/2009
Hi, I'm finally here. Thanks for reminding me to review ~ it's been a really really long time but I have been mega busy.

I enjoyed this fight scene, it's something both you and I agree that you do well I wonder what Azuren does, to make his opponent get so frightened.. Hmm...I better read and see!
Lana Sky chapter 8 . 3/21/2009
I have no idea where I am exactly in this story, so I'll just start here.

Good chapter here but I think that the bit at the end with the wolf could have been given alot more build up. When you edit this (if you haven't already) try to mount up the tension and suspense.

Other than that, Nice.

~nicola
Lyn-san chapter 25 . 3/7/2009
Hello once again *waves at screen*

I know its been a really really long time but it could not be helped. *rubs back of head sheepishly*

I enjoyed this fight scene, and it's left me curious as to what power does Azuren possess to make his opponent break out in a cold sweat?

I will review the next chapter as soon as the opportunity presents itself (cuz I have midterm exams next week... so help my soul).

So, until then!

Ja ne!

Lyn-san
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