Reviews for Circles of Arven
Alteng chapter 25 . 1/8/2009
Okay, I kind of thought after awhile that the duel would end up as a draw. Oh well, this is a bit different as well.

You complain about my fight scenes are too short. I found this a bit long, and I kind of phased out on some of the fighting. I think that we both need to have that pleasant little in between.

Yes, I can see the bit with the manga influence. I have some of that going on in my stories as well. The moving faster than the eye was always so cool in Dragonball Z, and Bleach has been doing that as well. I have tried to incorporate that in my writing as well. Alteng is an amazing fighter for someone so small and so hindered.

The breaking for the flashback is awkward as well. I think you need to say something like Fenris remembered so clearly or something of the like then print it in italics. The word 'flashback' takes from the immersion of the story.

I have most of my characters with character sheets as well. Your characters have such high numbers. I usually give my guys one lousy number in the lot. It is usually dexerity. I think that is because I am so clumsy.
Narq chapter 9 . 1/7/2009
Haha! i guessed so! I guessed that the giant wolf wouldn't harm him... the other wolves were friendly, why would the guardian harm him?

Nice chappy!

Narq.
Narq chapter 7 . 1/7/2009
Aww.. I like wolves~

oh..a cliffy~ I'll read on!

Narq
Alteng chapter 24 . 1/6/2009
I had a 10 night of it last night. Too tired to read.

Well, I am not much of an action writer. MY action scenes only lasta couple of paragraphs at best. I have a hard time getting into this scene, because it is not a real fight. It really proves nothing and no lives are on the line. Of course, I would say that the battle will be won by Eldan, because of him taking the two strikes already.

It does remind me a bit of Shonen mangas in that the opponents learn to respect each other and hold off the big serious fight with the hidden powers for the end.

Some critical comment I can say is that you do use their names a bit too often. you can pepper in a bit of variety about your opponents like the elf or the Edenish man.

Other than that, the scene went along alright.
Alteng chapter 23 . 1/5/2009
Okay, I am still running a little behind on things. I had a lot to do this morning.

Anyway, yeah, this a very talkie chapter, but some chapters are like that. I don't think that you really need the A/N to explain the terminology, because it is kind of ecplained with the character's reactions to it. I kind of figured that endolis meant something along the lines of dear or finacee because of Ellis' objections to it.

I just knew that it had to be Eldan as the opponent. I am looking forward to seeing how you write the fight scene and without them trying to hurt each other. I am thinking over my action scenes in that as well. I have one coming up soon in Klabautermann, but I have been slow in the writing this week.
Narq chapter 12 . 1/5/2009
short chappie... with the lack of description... were you in a hurry?

Good one though.

Narq.
Narq chapter 11 . 1/5/2009
short chappie, but interesting~

Narq.
Alteng chapter 22 . 1/3/2009
I don't think it is very hard to guess who the elf is that is the challenger. I can't remember his name, but I would think that he was the fellow that was buddies with Azuren when came into Eden.

Although your description of the different kinds of wolves and the fighters is interesting, you need to work that into your story. I am certain that there could be an opportunity for Lyren to tell Azuren, because I would think the boy would know nothing of these things.

I am not sure about this, but is a balrog a Tolkien only thing. I don't recall seeing those critters in any other fantasy story, but I could be wrong.
Alteng chapter 21 . 1/3/2009
I finally finished reading this bit. I just couldn't get any private time yesterday to read.

Anyway, the flashback was interesting, and I am glad that Azuren isn't that picture perfect boy, who can do everything.

So, does Djinn bond with Azuren? I know he wants to, but Azuren denied him in the last chapter.

Oh, and the description of the elemental spirits was good and it was logical. There is some thing about being as changeable as the wind.

Oh, and you need to reply to one of these reviews so that I don't lose my place ;). I'm getting tired of relaying from Chapter 14.
Narq chapter 8 . 1/3/2009
Interesting chapter, and congrats on getting OVER 900 reviews! How do you get so many of them?

Narq.
VelvetyCheerio chapter 40 . 1/1/2009
Aw, Roary! That's an adorable nickname! XD Hah, poor Fenris. But you gotta love Eldan for that, he's such a jokester.

Wayne's plan also had me wondering, and smiling. It was cute, in a sad sort of, goodbye sense. Good chapter, nonetheless. The only problem I had was the use of "well" in conversation, especially when Eldan used it constantly, it was very distracting.

Other than that, I hope you update in good time, as I'm glad the group has continued their journey out of Anglas and out to save the world, or whatever. Good job!

Velvet.
VelvetyCheerio chapter 39 . 1/1/2009
Well, that was not unexpected. I sort of had the feeling that Azuren was going to have to save the world, or something along those lines. It was kind of weird, though, that Thelanor was in Azuren's will/whatever thing.

I'm surprised that the gods are losing their ability to look into the future, though. That's a little freaky. What's wrong with them? What about Djinn? Is he being affected as well? Hmm.

Good chapter, though. I liked it. I wonder what the others are going to say when Azuren wakes up for real.

Velvet.
VelvetyCheerio chapter 38 . 1/1/2009
Huh, and Eldan said he wasn't going to follow. Well, he's a good friend. I guess the Darkenkin wasn't so bad in the end, but he was still a monster.

And, Djinn did finally help in the end. It took him a while, though. Jeez.

Well, I want to see what happens to Azuren when he gets back. Good chapter. Velvet.
VelvetyCheerio chapter 37 . 1/1/2009
Whoa, that was awesome! I was almost certain Azuren had found a way to defeat the Darkenkin, but I guess not. I hope whatever power has come upon Azuren will aide him in a good way.

Hmm, what is Djinn's real purpose for being there but to watch? He only helped once and now he's just standing around. Well, maybe his purpose will come in later.

Good chapter, I liked it. Velvet.
VelvetyCheerio chapter 36 . 1/1/2009
Well, I wouldn't say this chapter was disappointing too much. I thought the bloodlust ressurection spell was pretty cool and then how he found a way to kill the Oraks.

The only thing I would like to comment on is Lynn's easy acceptance of Djinn. It seemed that after her initial shock, she just kind of started talking with him like she always knew him. I don't know, that just bugged me.

As for the fight with the Oraks, it was good, but you used the word "then" a lot. Like, every other sentence started with it and I just wanted to point that out.

Good chapter, nonetheless.I enjoyed reading it. Velvety.
1,150 | « Prev Page 1 .. 7 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 27 .. Last Next »