Reviews for Circles of Arven
xBlaze of ObsidianX chapter 5 . 9/11/2010
Poor Julia. And poor Azuren. It's like they were doomed to be separate forever.
xBlaze of ObsidianX chapter 4 . 9/11/2010
Poor Azuren. Stupid Ranor! Can I slice him in half with a lightsaber? Hahaha, I hope that he dies, I hardly know him and I already hate him.
xBlaze of ObsidianX chapter 3 . 9/11/2010
Not bad though I thought it was a bit short. I liked it however even though you moved forward to different points of time throughout the entire chapter.
AvidWriter-92 chapter 2 . 8/14/2010
Ooh! I loved this chapter, Bloodedge! :)

I very much enjoyed the referencing to the gods and goddesses in the prologue, and I loved the fantasy elements that you've put into the story! :D

I think that the characters were all very well portrayed, and I hope that in the next chapters, you will add more depth to their characters. I was sort of wondering what had happened between them all, to make them act a certain way, and wondering why Thelanor had killed Elaynia. But otherwise, I really loved this chapter.

The ending was especially well done, I thought. :) I liked the whole idea of an elf becoming immortal, and the reincarnation of Thanalor :D Way cool. :)

The only thing that was weird to me, was the part where you stated that the blade would remain in the ground for 10 yrs, and that Fenris had lived for a fourth of his life. That would make him 1550 when Thanalor was meant to come back, and that would mean that he would still be alive. Old, but alive. :P So, he wouldn't need immortality to witness Thanalor being reincarnated. :P

Otherwise, you're grammar looked pretty well edited, so I won't comment on that. :)

Great job on this story! It's definitely going to be one of my favorites. :D

~Avid, via the Roadhouse. Repaid review. 1/1. :D
AvidWriter-92 chapter 1 . 8/6/2010
Hey, Bloodedge. I know that you wanted me to review A Ranger's Tale, but this caught my eye instead. :P Hope that you don't mind. :)

I really liked how you incorporated all of the gods together, and how they affected the mortals that were living there. :) The names that you've chosen sound very Viking-ish, and I don't know if that's intentional or not, but I think it's cool, either way. :)

I thought it was really clever how you described the Four Ages, and the why behind them, according to the gods that were having wars amongst themselves. :P You've made them very human, which is good. We as readers can relate to them more. :)

I do have one suggestion, and that is to break up the paragraphs a bit. Right now it's sort of a lot of information to take in all at once, especially with some of the longer paragraphs. :P

Other than that, I thought that this was great! :D

~Avid, via Roadhouse. Repaying review. 1/1. :D
Lumaris chapter 41 . 6/7/2010
Holy crap, you updated CoA! ...and I'm not totally inactive anymore xD (sorry for the hiatus D: )

Anyway, I loved this chapter. As others have said, the cup-referral seemed out of place, but it's not a biggie. I can't help but to love Eldan, despite his flamboyancy. xD And Azuren of course. Agh, this is so nostalgic to read! I can hardly believe it's been almost 3 years since I started reading your stories. :'D

Hope you update soon!
xBlaze of ObsidianX chapter 2 . 5/7/2010
Very good prologue and first chapter, I'll get to the other chatpers when I have the chance. All in all, it's a very good story so far. It doesn't really sound that much like WoT and I have read part of the first book. Nonetheless, I like it so far.

Aspiemor chapter 19 . 2/19/2010
Excellent description of the different kinds of magic. I myself enjoy sotries involving elements. Wow sort of a relationship between the shamanism in my story spirit wise and summoning that is. Any way thsi stroy continues to be good. My only gripe was that it was rather dailouge heavy at the top. But that is only based on the descriptions I use in my story. Other than that it is great.
Aspiemor chapter 18 . 2/19/2010
There should be a book entitles Sword training for dummies. Okay that joke was bad but I thought I would try it out. Sword training must be frustrating. Knwoing me I probably would be frustrated as heck. I noticed no mistakes so I can't really give CC but I rather enjoyed the rest. Onto the next one!
drazer434 chapter 2 . 2/16/2010
I think this is slightly better than your prologue because you breakup those sometimes overlong sentences with speech. Again there are some slightly strange turn of phrases. I'm not sure if this is because you are copying a certain style or if it is just the way you right. It's not a big problem but does throw me sometimes when I'm reading it. For example : "There amongst the trees, knelt a man, his handsome features with silver hair and amethyst eyes standing out in the somber environment."

Firstly, you don't need a comma after "trees." Secondly the second part of the sentence just needs to be rephrases slightly, e.g. : There amongst the trees knelt a man, his handsome features - gleaming silver hair and amethyst eyes - standing out in the somber environment." You shouldn't really put a "with there." This sort of thing is quite common throughout. And I've just read your profile where you say you have a few problems with grammar and would prefer reviewing on content. *Looks embarassed* Anyways I think these pointers hopefully should be helpful for future notice if you keep them in mind when looking over your work if not writing.

Anyway about the content. Apart from the general LOTR Simarillon feel (which you've said will change in future chapters so I'm not gong to comment) it is good. Quite engaging. The only problem is, there's all these names. You've told us in the prologue, but they've gone straight out of my head. For example I have no idea who Agarth is, but he plays quite a big part in that chapter. That is the problem with introducing too many names. Perhaps give about half a sentence explaining who they are. But yeah, overall its pretty good.
drazer434 chapter 1 . 2/16/2010
This is an good prologue. I like the way you have given a brief history of your fantasy world - which I can see you have put in a lot of though to which you don't usually find here, though it does have a slightly LOTR feel about it (but which fantasy story doesn't really.) However, I think you've gone into almost too much detail. It may have been better if you'd made this briefer and vaguer and slowly released the details within the story. But I suppose that is a personal preference of the writer. There are pro's and con's for both method. Your way means you can use those facts as assumed knowledge when building upon the plot and ensures there's no confusion, but it does mean that you lose some of the magic of slowly finding out about a new world. I'm probably biased against it because I much prefer the other way anyway.

There are also a few problems with the flow in this prologue. I'll just give you one example, but I think if you read through you may be able to pick out quite a few more. You say: "Soon the tension was escalated to the stage where physical conflicts were becoming more frequent, even though they were that of a small scale." The phrasing here is a bit strange. For example you could say: "Soon the tension had escalated. Physical conflicts were becoming more and more frequent, though the skirmishes were mostly small scale." In a few cases you just need to break up the sentences or just tweak the phrasing slightly.

Overall though, this is a good start and I'm looking forward to reading more.
Aspiemor chapter 17 . 1/24/2010
Loved the lesson taught here. Its like magic you have to learn how to control it before you can use it. Overall nothing wrogn with this chapter amd yeah I think its okay to use mithril. I eman the Masamune sword has been in plenty of games and otehr forms of media I belive (just giving an example).
Zeno21 chapter 41 . 12/24/2009
Update please
Sakina the Fallen Angel chapter 24 . 12/23/2009
The battle here started off well written, but then it got too technical and too dense. I could still follow it, but it just felt like you were watching an anime and then describing what happens, which doesn't translate too well for readers that aren't quite as interested in battle scenes as you are. This is something that I know I have mentioned before, and repeatedly, so I'll drop it from now on and accept that you do things your way.

Aside from that, Eldan comes across as pretty arrogant in this chapter ~ not sure if that was what you were intending for his character. It seems as though you want to make him sound honourable, but to me, he also comes across as being something of a jock, which you could address if you plan on revising this story.

Anyways, no problems with flow or grammar.

Btw, I've paid you back for all your reviews. In terms of reviews, I know you'd prefer them for The Eternal Grail, so I'll try to read it in the summer, but just to let you know that I really didn't care for the battle scenes there, which has put me off the story quite a bit.

~ Sakina x
Sakina the Fallen Angel chapter 23 . 12/23/2009
Loved this chapter ~ it flowed well, and the description was just right. I've noticed how you seem to make all your female characters the same: meek, shy and cardboard cutouts of each other. This is just an observation, but I think you could make them much more interesting and varied, as you have done with your male characters.

~ Sakina x
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