Reviews for Circles of Arven
Alteng chapter 2 . 12/18/2008
I am moving along, slowly, but I am reading this.

This story seems to be better written than the other ones I have read. I see your need for the Prologue. I didn't read your profile much. I saw a little bit about Singapore and studying engineering, then I went onto the stories. If you are writing a story to be published, you won't have a profile thing for readers to go back to. I think that what you should do, is when you get time, you should look for a way to combine both chapters. There is some information that you can drop in this chapter that would explain about Elaynia's plight and Thelanor's fight to try to save the woman, but in the end he has to kill her because of the curse. It might help to keep the information about the curse in there as well.

I have a few technical comments to make. First off, the quick one, Delete the first sentence of this one. You kind of repeat that information in the second sentence.

The other thing is about Thelanor's death and dying words. I am a person with that dramatics with dying words. The Shakespeare syndrome, and it does make the story more romantic (in the literary sense and not lovely dovey thing). The problem I have is his method of death. If he cuts his throat, it will be hard for him to make a dying speech. Maybe have him stab himself in the heart. After all, it is his heart that is broken.
Alteng chapter 1 . 12/17/2008
Okay, I'm back to your stories.

You do have a habit of starting stories off with a world description, but your characters tends to be more noble than mine and this is more important to them.

I do find the story very close to The Silmarillon, and I do believe you have took a few names from it. Orowen was one of them or that name is very close. I owe a CD by a band called Agarthi. I am not sure where that one came from, but I do recognise the names of Fenris and Fafnir from the norse mythology. Anyway, I guess the point is that it is acceptable to borrow from mythology, but not so good to take from another writer, unless a very common name. Still, I could be wrong on the name of Orowen. It just looks very familiar.

Even of the rant there. I do like that there was a god created for darkness. Usually darkness is amused as the absence of power. I also think that there should be a story where the all powerful being should create a god of evil as the refuse of the leftover material from the other gods. bhey, why not!

It is funny that you write the orcs as good guys. They were traditionally considered evil. I guess i am not the only one mathetic to them in that. I tend to like to see a good few in an evil race.
VelvetyCheerio chapter 15 . 12/16/2008
Wow, so that means that Azuren has the ability to summon the wrath of nature? That's awesome. Not much in this chapter, but the bit of history was fun to read.

I'll continue on another time, but for now, I must retire. Tomorrow is another day. Good job.

VelvetyCheerio chapter 14 . 12/16/2008
Well, Julia's birth origins were unexpected. It was good, though, I liked it. And I'm glad Azuren got to bury Ilgen. Though, his meeting with the mysterious Lyren was rather nice.

M, a thing I noticed, sort of trivial, but it was bugging me. You have your characters talking, like, they just stand there and don't move while they talk. I don't know, maybe you could put some sort of action while they're talking, idk.

Good chapter, though. I like it. I'll go to the next one then.

VelvetyCheerio chapter 13 . 12/16/2008
Eww. That ending was kind of gross. Well, okay, Ranor died in a most deserving manor, but who's going to be the new badguy then? The thought makes me shiver in excitement.

Good work, this chapter was excellent. I'll see to the next one then.

VelvetyCheerio chapter 12 . 12/16/2008
Aah, not Azuren! Ranor is so wicked, but he's kind of cool, too. He's got all the villagers against Azuren and snappy body guards. Nice. I also like these short chapters. They are much easier to read and I can get through more of them faster.

This chapter was excellent, the grammer and punctuation was nice. I liked it. Good work!

VelvetyCheerio chapter 11 . 12/16/2008
I knew Ranor was up to something! I was just waiting for it to happen. Aah, now what is Azuren going to do? If he kills Ranor, the people will be really angry with him, not to mention that they already don't like him.

And poor Ilgen! At least did they bury the rest of him? How will Azuren react? The plot builds and I can't help but wonder.

VelvetyCheerio chapter 10 . 12/16/2008
Well, it seems that Azuren has decided to accept his destiny as Thelanor, but what exactly does that destiny entail? I also wonder who that mysterious speaker was. Very interesting.

Well, I'll see what I can do for the next few chapters. I actually do want to see what is going to happen with Fenris and Azuren. :D

Stardrag chapter 33 . 12/15/2008
Wow, so Raynor might have been an alright guy. A while back that is! That caught me by surprise, but not Azuren's reaction since I've grown accustomed to the little dudes way of living. Anywho, I thought it would play bigger role later on, but I was wrong! Oh well, happy we get a different place due to the glossary! Batwen as well(wonder if the leaves make it taste better!)


Stardrag chapter 34 . 12/15/2008
Gotta love the perks of being the reincarnation of a past hero! Kinda cool when your very memories can be your guide on problems in life, wish we all had it that easy...scratch the difficult chosen hero part though. lets see...the speed burst techniques could have been sprinkled in the text, but I still understood what it meant just by the name. Happy I got more stuff on Thelanor! Can't wait until Azuren can break out the whole thunder and wind stuff at will.

Ps. I was just wondering, but Lyren is an Edenish, right? How old is this dude! We talking thousands, right? Maybe it's his or something.
Written chapter 30 . 12/13/2008
this fight scene went by quite quickly, but it was exciting! hmm, will we be seeing more of lynn? i'm glad he saved them.

I'm almost caught up with this story! woo hoo!
Written chapter 29 . 12/13/2008
oh my, sold as slaves? that's pretty bad! I hope he can help them... very interesting to see whats been going on in anglas since azuren left.
Written chapter 28 . 12/10/2008
uh oh, this should be interesting to go back to anglas after the way they treated him back in the day. I really like eldan so far; he's my favorite. very interesting stuff going on with him and his memories and stuff!
Written chapter 27 . 12/10/2008
I like your character file on eldan... he's so interesting! i like that you tried to make him different from the typical idea of what an elf is like :)

but the part about elynn was so sad :(
VelvetyCheerio chapter 9 . 12/7/2008
Very intriguing. So the wolf from the poem at the beginning has come back and chosen Azuren? Aah, that can't be good.

I also can't help but wonder also about Ranor, even though he wasn't really mentioned in this chapter. The switchback to the wood elves made me think of him though. Is he going to plan some sort of attack against Azuren? Hmm.

Well, I will continue reading later. For now, my eyes hurt. Good chapter though, it was interesting.

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