Reviews for Circles of Arven
Stardrag chapter 13 . 11/26/2008
Nice battle scene dude. Each one of them died in a completely different way, which added some flavor to it. It's just that...Azuren is cool and all, but he seems a little sue-ish to me. Probably cause he left for a little while and took down all of those people without really trying.

Still, awesome chapter!

Stardrag chapter 9 . 11/26/2008
SO it finally happened, Azuren is a pretty cool dude after all. He's just not smooth with the ladies, that's all;) The battle to me was more about info than actual fighting since you described more on what he felt, which is a good thing to know. So ki is the name of the energy found in this book, huh? I got so use to "Mana" that I all but forgot about it

Always a pleasure...

Stardrag chapter 5 . 11/26/2008
You know, for a second, I thought you were going to do a thing based on how he lived, but you surprised me a little. I just want to point out that this chapter shows us the all-knowing fact that fear combined with suspicion is hard to let go of. It was pretty sweet how he got them like that, especially with those elements! Reminds me of my first chapter of one of my stories.

Time to keep reading!

Stardrag chapter 2 . 11/26/2008
Wow, really cool start here. You don't see allot of heroes committing those kind of things, but because he did that, it makes the story feel more real to me. I'm guessing a time skip or a record of his life is next, either way, I'm pretty sure it'll be good! I think I like stories that can still captivate you without being to long, yah know?

Written chapter 26 . 11/23/2008
I like both azuren and eldan, hope we see more of him in the future... the ending of this chapter was very interesting!

PS, how many chapters are you planning on writing?
Written chapter 25 . 11/23/2008
whoa... so he just blacked out? I like this eldan guy though, he seems quite nice. I liked how you showed the duel scene through the eyes of the audience too, you know? like who they thoughts was going to win, etc.
Written chapter 24 . 11/23/2008
wow! this chapter was short but it builds so much suspense... love how eldan changes his grip to get serious! I wonder who will win?
Written chapter 23 . 11/23/2008
haha "old gramps lyren" made me laugh. the kids are cute! haha. i like that he lets them call him that too.

haha, I like how azuren is all shy and bryron is like GET OVER IT. haha. oh man, I cant even imagine azuren all grown up with a wife!

uh oh... the end is very foreboding!
Written chapter 22 . 11/23/2008
haha hey dude! thanks for the reminder. I'm getting a new computer soon but I've borrowed my cousins laptop, so yes, i can do reviews now!

sorry I've been gone so long :(

I love how you have so much planned out, down to the different types of wolves.

ok, on to the story. I like the phrase "unearthly shriek" but you use it again so close to the first time that it almost cancels out the effect!

[“You’re right, Fenris… I can sense it… a new evil is awakening and all forms of evil are reacting to its calls, not just only the Oraks. It’s very possible that this is the evil that is prophesied” said Lyren.]


very interesting about dualists... I'll have to read on to understand.
Jenny Rocker chapter 1 . 11/16/2008
Can I ask if English is your first language? I know you're from Singapore and from your writing, I get the feeling that it's not. If that's the case I want to cut you some slack. I definitely found a lot of grammatical errors in your prologue, which I've detailed below as I read through.

"there resided a spirit, Irunar, who wandered through this void, untouched by any outside powers, for he is the Past, Present and the Destiny which is to come"-you switch tenses in this sentence. It's starts with "there resided" (past tense), and then you say "for he is the Past" (present tense). Should be "for he WAS the Past"

"[He] decided to create the worlds in the universe, which out of all, one will be the main gateway to other worlds which he created and would be the world he had chosen to be sacred."-First, tense change again. Plus the end of the sentence is a little awkward and almost a run on. I would suggest: "[He] decided to create the worlds in the universe, which out of all, one WOULD be the main gateway to other worlds OF HIS CREATION [PERIOD]. THIS world he had chosen to be sacred."

"Also, to the gods, he gave them the task of creating his sacred world, later known as Arven"-I'm confused. I thought you just said Irunar created this world. Now you say his "gods" were given the task to create it?

"and lastly, Mylor, the Dark, who betrayed the gods and Irunar"-At the time that Irunar created Mylor, I'm sure he wasn't already a betrayer. Might want to say "who LATER betrayed the gods[...]"

"It was not long however, that the gods decided to create the mortal races. However, Mylor at that time felt that their idea was foolish,"-2 "howevers" in 2 sentences sounds redundant, I'd take the "however" out of the first sentence. Just say "It was not long until the gods decided [...]"

"the world of Arven, being the perfect world, are only worthy of the gods themselves"-First, "world of Arven" is singular; second, you're straying from past tense again. Should be: "the world of Arven, being the perfect world, WAS only worthy of the gods themselves"

"For a long time, the war wages on"-s/b "waged" (past tense)

"not only the originally one land was broken"-s/b "original", no "ly"

"for they fear that should their own powers be unleashed again"-s/b "feared" (past tense)

"That’s when he created four great reptilian beings bestowed with wisdom and power, their wingspan covering the skies and the power of their breath unparalleled in the realm of Arven"-Nice description here

"Seeing that force alone couldn’t achieve his goal of domination, Marath sought to create chaos amongst the races, starting with the vast kingdom of Senlir, where through temptations of great power held the rulers in awe. Thus, the Senlirese, through deception, set the races of elves and dwarves against each other, sundering the long standing alliance between the two races."-I'm confused. Who are the "Senlirese"? Are they minions of Marath? Or some kingdom corrupted by Marath's temptations? I couldn't really tell from this passage. And this is the first Senlir is mentioned, so I don't understand that significance. "Marath sought to create chaos amongst the races, starting with the vast kingdom of Senlir, where through temptations of great power held the rulers in awe"-this particular sentence is ambiguous and awkward. Do you mean, "where temptation of great power held the rulers of Senlir in awe"?

"from there, they pursue no more."-s/b "pursued"

"the dark elves, who were more commonly known as the drow, who break away from the elves"-s/b "broke away"

"the Darkenkin, humans who forsake their humanity"-s/b "forsook"

In general, there is A LOT of information loaded on the reader in this prologue. A lot of names and every two seconds, it seems like some new race is being created. I hope I'm not going to be quizzed on all this. There's a lot of history crammed into this prologue. Is it really necessary to give us thousands of years of history at the very opening? It really only started to get interesting at the "Third Age", where we meet Thelanor, who appears to be the main attraction in this prologue.

And yeah, this sounds A LOT like a combination between the Silmarillion and Lord of the Rings.

Anyhow, thanks for your review of ReGeneration. Good luck with writing, and watch those pesky tenses.

~Jenny R
An Inside Joke chapter 1 . 11/9/2008
YOu've really captured the tone of retelling a myth or cultural legend. This chapter has a lot of information, though, so it's hard to keep everything straight when so many names and places are new. Your story might be better served if you jump right into the action from the get-go, and allow some of this backstory/myth to be revealed in the course of the story. While the back story you have is very cool in that it's so detailed, it's too much to really take in for one chapter.
Written chapter 20 . 10/23/2008
very interesting! I liked the concept of the wind spirit and stuff... it seemed quite unique. I like that he's not awesome at everything but is slowly learning :D
Written chapter 19 . 10/19/2008
hey! this is a short chapter, but it explains magic and stuff, so I guess it's pretty useful. sad thing is that I have to go to bed now, as it's three in the morning.. well, almost. and I'm WAY TOO SLEEPY to be able to read words.
Written chapter 18 . 10/19/2008
haha, that was cute :) I enjoyed seeing how worked up he got about fenris not taking him seriously, but it resolved well, too. and now he knows how to fight with a sword, huh? so I guess he'll be moving on to better things soon.. haha.
Written chapter 17 . 10/19/2008
yo! I liked this chapter. it was cool seeing him interact with the mentor and learn about ki, and I like how they explained what it was to him and everything. very interesting.

also, I enjoyed the memories of thelanor spliced into the chapter. that was cool.

but it's too bad he passed out!
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