Reviews for Circles of Arven
Written chapter 16 . 10/10/2008
interesting chapter in light of the last one. I like when he says he should follow his heart! it sounds so deep.

anyway, good work so far. I actually was going to read more, but I have to save it for tonight, because I have a guest coming and need to clean my house. oops. one of these days, I am going to get to the end of this story! haha.

how many chapters are you expecting it to be?
Written chapter 15 . 10/10/2008
I really liked this chapter! it explains a lot of the enmity and it's just beautifully written. while reading, I could picture everything in my head. great job!
Written chapter 14 . 10/10/2008
I like Lyren, he seems cool! He has a very gandalf/merlin vibe going on for him, which is cool :) old men with beards and all that.

interesting about julia's parentage as well. she was ilgen's daughter, hm? maybe that's where she got all of her compassion from :)

interesting story about the lovers. okay. on to the next chapter!
iflip4dolphins chapter 40 . 10/10/2008
Holy... reading 38 chapters at once without break staring at a computer screen really thratened to give me a headache.

That was excellent. I like how you've portrayed the characters, and the Azuren Lynn relationship is cute. Djinn has the tendency to crack me up whenever I see him. Was that your intention?

Moving on... Fenris and Lyren are great, Eldan... He confuses me a bit, but I have the sens ethat he's supposed to, so that's all right. The storyline you've got going on is good, but I feel almost as if it's dragging a little. You had the prophecy, but I don't think Azuren started on his journey.

Maybe that's the product of my headache and not reading carefully, though.

Anyway, I think you're doing a great job on this story. your author notes and character files are really long though. Maybe you could write a sort of dictonary for this story and put all that stuff in there? You know, character files, profiles, definitions, a sort of 'in the making' thing.

And, if you were thinking about doing this, when it's finished, send it in to get published. I, for one, would buy the book.
written chapter 13 . 9/26/2008
whoa, awesome! so glad to see ranor finally dead. god he was so annoying. I cant believe he tried to trick azuren, right up to the last second!

badass fight scenes, well done! I like how he died away with all of them in such an awesome manner.
written chapter 12 . 9/26/2008
ugh, ranor is such a jerk... I love how he totally is misleading everyone! it sucks that everyone believes him, too. thought this was a good, short transition chapter before a fight. there is going to be a fight, right?
Michael Morbius chapter 4 . 9/16/2008
This seems good for the development of the character. Azuren might have some struggles that I'm loving already, and I've not read the other chapters yet, but I will definitely keep it going to find out how he turns out with Julia.

Good show.
Written chapter 11 . 9/10/2008
short but interesting! oh no about ranor... I seriously hate that guy! he's so annoying. hope our hero can fix him up good :)
Written chapter 10 . 9/10/2008
Oh dear! our hero's not taking this very well at all, is he? I'd be shocked too, of course. lol, poor fenris, needing to explain everything.

well it's good to see julia once more, even if she's just the spirit. good chapter! I like how she helped him realized what he should do.
Written chapter 9 . 9/10/2008
Wow, so we were right, of course, it is him!

this chapter has a few errors... If I know of a good beta, I will send him or her your way! is the FP beta service really not working?
Written chapter 8 . 9/7/2008
very interesting! so maybe he IS that thelanor guy...

this chapter was fun to read! i almost forgot I was reading, and thought it was actually happening. great work- that's magic!
Michael Morbius chapter 2 . 9/5/2008
I'm going to keep reading this. This is definitely a work of art, right from the start.
faerie-gumdrops chapter 40 . 9/4/2008
Hey! Sorry this took so long - I guess things have been really hectic for me recently and I'm such a slow reader that getting caught up with fictionpress is taking forever. Anyways, I'm here now - sorry again!

This was fun chapter - nice little bit of interaction between Lynn and Azuren - was a cute way that Wayne set them up like that and I thought that Lynn handled the situation really well.

'To keep on fighting, winning and living... to be honest I don't know how long I can last on that basis...' aww poor Azuren. Poor guy just needs a holiday!

The humour was fun - I like Fenris' new nickname (although I wont say it for fear of getting bitten by an imaginary wolf!) and it's fun how you got it from boro! And the ending was fun! Is this like shuddering when someone walks over your grave in an alternate universe but when someone pricks a picture of you in the bum and you sneeze lol.

Good chapter here - I like how good Eldan is at winding Fenris up - he seems to have a good knack for it!
Written chapter 7 . 9/3/2008
hey! I like that this chapter was really detail heavy and not relying too much on banal dialog. it shows off more skill in writing, first of all, and it's just... meatier! lol.

advice for writing on the internet: break up the really long paragraphs! reading lots of text on the internet can be annoying for some, and your biggest paragraph should be broken up into halves just for aesthetic reasons. most of them are an okay size though, don't worry.

thats just a personal preference.

ranor reminds me of count olaf from a series of unfortunate events! like, he's always messing things up! god, that must be so terrible for him. poor guy.

aha, and we find out a bit more about his powers. sort of. he's good at hiding... haha.

[Then suddenly, he heard voices shouting for his death catching up with him. ]

I appreciate the short sentences used after this, as they are typically used during suspenseful times. dno if you did it on purpose, but it was smart. this sentence itself, however, could have been better. I'd say something like "Voices rang through the woods, shouting for his death. They were catching up with him."

it just increases the drama, I think.

[Then he felt a growling noise within his belly.]

these sentences are kind of passive. I'd use active writing here and just say "His stomach growled."

because seriously, how do you FEEL a NOISE? not trying to be a b... witch... haha, but no, seriously. any editor will tell you the same thing.

if you want, you could also try "A growling noise issued from his belly.." which cuts out the "then he felt" as it's cluttering up the writing anyway.

[Somehow or another, he felt no worries about being poisoned by any possible form of food he was about to find. ]

"somehow or another" makes it sound like you don't know why he's not worried. it's TOO vague. it's very "la dee da!" instead of SERIOUS STUFF HAPPENING. haha, you know what i mean? he's being chased! he might die! keep it active.

if you wrote something like "He wasn't worried about being poisoned by eating whatever he could forage; after all, he was starving and had little choice in the matter." it would be much more definite. the writing VOICE would be stronger.

don't use present tense at all. "wolves WERE", "wolves TENDED", etc. present tense should not show up.

the part where he connects with the wolf is sweet. I see that you really like wolves! haha.

uh ohs. cliffhanger.

okay, this chapter was heavy on description and low on dialog, which I actually prefer to previous chapters. good work. I know I picked on a lot of stuff, but I do it out of love, I swear!

one last nit pick:

"Then suddenly..."

"Then he..."

"Then a..."

in a chapter with only five paragraphs, it IS noticeable that three of them start with the word "then".
Written chapter 6 . 9/2/2008
This ranor guy just won't give us a break, will he? how desperate is he for wealth anyway?

the jailor was in the same shoes as azuren? as in the whole village wanted him dead? interesting.

oh, I see now. okay.

["Sorry, I scolded you just now. I don't know you've been through a lot." apologized Azuren.]

it didn't really seem like scolding to me, but okay. the second sentence isn't grammatically correct.. not sure what you're trying to say... something like "I didn't know"? or maybe a comma after the "know", if thats not what you were saying. hm.

okay. that's all for now. interesting chapter. I think the story would have been better if you managed to shorten a lot of the first few chapters and start here. as in combine the last 4 chapters into two, get rid of the more boring dialogue, keep the action you need, and just go with it. otherwise it seems to take too long to really get into it.

sorry this review is late! i've been busy with school.
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