I have been trying to review your story since the weekend. But everytime I click 'Submit Review' after typing, the window would tell me 'Error 707 Invalid request!' or some shit like that. So, I really hope it goes through this time, cause it's pissing me off. Anyway, onto the review.

I must thank you for explaining what type of weapon Nemmaril is, because I've been wondering about it for a while now.

On a side note:

-Enter Chibi Lyn-san-

"Aww man! No fight scenes? No training yet?" -pout-

This just means I'm anxious to read the next chapter XD

Well, there's some spelling mistakes in the beginning, and this entire chapter is driven by dialogue. That's not too great. However, given that the chapter is important, I'd say fix some stuff, put a little more description in there to balance the dialogue of this chapter and the action of the previous ones.

:) CD

Hello again, and Let's go!

Holy crap, short! One page? Alright then...

This was the lest enjoyable chapter so far, in my opinion. Yes, there was some interesting development with the wolves (and it's a pretty cool development,) but I didn't really feel any of it.

In the previous chapters, despite how short they were, the mood of the scene still came across. I didn't get that here, especially in the scene with the wolves. I would have expected a sense of wonder, or amazement, of perhaps even fear, or aprehension... but there was nothing. :(

I'll be back for more later. Have a great day!

Hopefully this works now...

OMG FP is pissing me off so much tonight. It keeps eating my reviews. Fortunately, I finally got smart and copied it at one point just in case this happened, so I don't have to rewrite it like I did the others... So, below is the original review.

Don't just sit there. Let's go!

Ah, so there's Ranor, being his usual idiot, jackass self it seems (which I for one like him being.) Good to know he's keeping busy, and didn't just vanish.

"Then why don't you just leave Anglas?"

- Interesting that Azuren would be the one to ask that.

"I'm goign to free you and flee quickly must you..." it appears that Ilgen had an almost Yodian slip there.

It's too bad Ilgen had to die, I really liked his character. I would have also liked to be introduced / get to know him sooner somehow. It kind of goes back to what I said last chapter, about us not really having enough time to get to know anyone.

Hopefully he's alive somehow, and we'll see him again sometime.

It was nice to see the conclusion of what's been going recently, and this was a good chapter in terms of plot and all.

Any chance of an update/rewrite in the works? Something that would correct the typos and stuff, or is it pretty much 'here it is, and that's that?'

I only ask because it's such a good story that I hate to see it crippled in any way with typos, but I know you don't do update/edits of the chapters themselves except for related to certain things.

Have a great day, and I'll be back soon. :)

It turns out, the FP review process is still down, but at least I cut and pasted the whole thing this time first. I saved it as a document, and will post it later.

Hey hey. I just finished your interlude and I must say, after 'fasting' from story reading for two months on the whole (yeah, mom made me go cold turkey so I could 'concentrate' on my SAT exams) I must say that reading this is a great way to get back into the swing of things. Your descriptive prowess leaves me speechless, and my mind abuzz. Good God, you've painted such vivid images in my head about the history of Arven, I seriously think I'm gonna have dreams about this tonight.

On a side note, I think I should tell you that from now on, I'd only be able to review stories on the weekends. During the week I find myself asleep the moment my head hits my pillows when I get home from work. (Yeah, a job at a hospital as a lab assistant will do that to you.) So, be sure to look out for my reviews, cause they'll be coming at you hard and fast, baby :}

(PS, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your input in my story, and I'll try my best to improve on the descriptions of my characters)

Well, until the next time,

Ja ne

and Arigato!

I loved this chapter _ So action-packed and Azuren looks dead cool here xD him and Nemmaril and the silver wolf - awesome! (btw, I understand now what you wrote in the previous chapter, I think I was just too tired and didn't understand at first - sorry!) This is my favorite chappie so far _! Great work :D and booyakasha only 9 more and I'll be caught up with your story :D! Yayay _!

~FoxyWriter

Wow, another great chapter here :D not much to say, only that I'm slightly bewildered o.o is Eldan going alone to save the villagers - or is Azuren coming with? But what Azuren said at the end makes me think Azuren's going alone. -confused- sorry :S But at any rate, I'm curious what's gonna happen next _ so, off to the next shiny chappie xD!

~FoxyWriter

Great chapter :D the idea with the 11 shards of Fate is ingenious :o never read anything before like it xD Great work and very original! I dunno if it's because I'm a sucker for elves or not, but I love Eldan _ Azuren's cool too, but this time I could see Eldan clearly as I read his pov - good work there _ and well, can't wait to read more (but at the moment I need sleep T_T!)

I'll read more tomorrow though :D!

~FoxyWriter

Hey, Let's go!

Ah, and now we begin to see some of the prologuish stuff returning. We're getting back to gods and religion. Neat.

My biggest complaint is still that we don't get to spend enough time with anyone. Julia's appearance could almost be called a cameo, and I really don't feel like we got to know her at all - which would have made what happened so much more meaningful to us.

I was also a wee bit surprised that Ranor didn't show up during this turmoil.

Be back for more later. :)

Okay... I was finally able to get around to reading this... finally.

I honestly had thought I reviewed, but oh well, I'm here now aren't I.

So to comment about the chapter... over all it was good. I like some of the things Thelonar explained to Azuren... especially his comments about self-pride and confidence. As well as his concluding words to him {“Think about it kid and let your future battles tell you the answer. That’s all I can say. You’ll have to discover this for yourself if you want to truly become stronger. That’s the price you must prepare to pay in return for that knowledge…”}.

Yet even though I liked that comment, I kind of thought it was rather annoying. It's like th teacher telling the pupil who ask why can't I fly if I have wings to, "Jump off of the building and the answer will be known to you. Self discovery is the key.. and sometimes that leads to pain.

Boy that's annoying.

As to the chapter in a whole, I noticed you kept switching between tenses. At first, I wasn't sure if you had used present tense in the last chapters, and therefore had to go back. Then I noticed you didn't, so I found that the only problem with the chapter itself.

For example:

{Azuren didn’t know how long he (has) lost conscious.} The has.

{Apart from that, everything about the man (is) exactly the same as him...} The is...

And here {“Why did you look like me?”} did should be do.

And that goes for the overall mistakes I saw.

Anyway, before I ended this I wanted to put how I liked your last comment in the Author's note about giving criticism. I truly think it was about time you mentioned that, and I clap my hands in agreement.

~M.S.

The nice thing about you haveing such short chapters is that I can squeeze them into my tight schedule a little easier. :) Well c'mon, Let's go!

In the first paragraph, you say, "...that he sought not riches, but the heart of Lakus..." It seems like maybe you meant the heart of Lobela, but it's kinda hard to tell.

Yea, Ranor is downright cold and evil. I hope he doesn't die any time soon. I like watching your other readers/reviewers squirm because of him lol.

In the future, watch your tense crossovers.

"Nothing. All I want is the riches your father has."

Has had. He's dead, Jim.

"Azuren's my name. Though you might have knew it by then."

known it by now, asctually.

Just something to keep in mind going forward.

:) Catch ya later!

Stupid must wait thirty seconds before submitting another review... whatever, Let's go!

Wow, only one page long? Short...

...too short, I feel. The point comes across, but... well, you know that expression, "once more with feeling?" Yea, it's like that.

On the plus side, it's good content. It's intriguing and complicated and tragic and would make for an extremely entertaining read if fleshed out some. As is, -to me- it's still entertaining, but not very engaging.

I have to make some other rounds, but I'll be back later! Have a great day!

Alright, Chapter 1, Let's go!

The line 'And out sprang an elf,' just cracks me up for some reason.

So, it would seem that the gods and religion are going to continue to play a major role in the story, I think.

That should be interesting. A lot of stories have gods, though more don't. Few deal with them so directly.

Not much else to say so far. :)

I've seen a lot of your reviews around, so I decided to take a look at your stories. Similarly, I recognize and respect many of the people I see who have reviewed this story.

So, Let's go!

In the last line of the fourth paragrpah you say, "are only worth of the gods themselves," but the use of the word 'are' there sounds strange in the context of the full sentence.

Suggestion: Change it to 'was.'

In paragrpah six you say, "For a long time, the war wages on, with the gods..." In that line, 'wages' is present tense while the rest of the paragraph is past tense.

Suggestion: Change it to waged.

Basically, at this point I found some sentences that didn't quite seem to make sense as they were, so I went to read all of the reviews for chapter 1, unable to believe that with all those reveiews, no one could have mentioned it before.

As expected, these things have been mentioned, so I pretty much just read till the end of the chapter at that point. I like the last line, btw.

I'm vexed as to why you wouldn't correct the mistakes.

Great chapter :d Eldan is developing well, I like him _ and WOOT! only 12 more chappies before I'm caught up! xD! Well, it's too late now for me to read more (little sick right now :() but I'll definitely try to read more tomorrow :D!

~FoxyWriter