This chapter was pretty smooth. I wonder who the mysterious voice was, though. It couldn't be the Eldan guy, could it? It would be awesome though if he really is the one who must teach Azuren how to fight. It seems becoming of Fenris as a wolf to teach Azuren magic, I don't know why.

Though it is kind of creepy how he could summon Julia's dead spirit to visit Azuren. A person who could tap into the dream world and the realm of the spirits has great power. It's what made me surprised that he didn't know Azuren's name, it sort of seems sort of like, inconsistent in a way.

The interaction between Julia and Azuren was pretty alright, though it is standard and lacks that quality of intimacy.

The part that I liked was Azuren's self-blaming and thinking on how Thelanor and his lover were rolemodels for the children. It's a lot of pressure and a lot of information for one wolf-kid to process in such a short time, and I'm glad he's determined. We're going to see him grow up as time goes on, I hope!

Training, in essence, symbolizes growth.

[This time round, Azuren didn't have the luck to evade the attack and his torso caught a great gash across the chest.] It's sentences like these that lack efficiency. I know grammar isn't an issue with this anymore, but I'm just talking about structure and detail in general. It would be more helpful and concise to say that Azuren "caught a great gash across the chest" than to say that Azuren's "torso caught a great gash across the chest". The way the wolf rebounds and the way it is described is on par, but little ways in the way the descriptions are worded slows down the best action scenes. Sometimes to be too exacting could ruin flow. So could wordiness, though a lot of fantasy stories could get away with it with efficient uses of dangling participles and complex sentences.

Whoa, there are sea elves? Do they look like the Zora from Zelda, or are they totally different? Do they still have those pointy ears? I hope we see them in this story, I friggin' love underwater creatures.

Did Azuren sleep-walk his way toward the Wolf's Grove or something? I might have missed something in the last chapter. I thought he was dreaming, though.

Ah, what I like about this story is that the main character is -the lone wolf- and doesn't get too bogged down by romance. If romance were a main genre of this story, I would probably complain, but I happen to like Azuren's logistics. Though, I guess it's because I'm a lover of action, dynamics, and artful character exposition and development over romance. I just sort of feel bad that he has like, no love in his life, save the people who've saved him. Like Lakus and Lobel, Julia, and Ilgen.

Are chi and ki part of this world's dynamics? It was so suddenly introduced. So, we're looking at both magic and chi and ki? Or just magic and chi?

["There are a lot of things that are beyond the comprehension of the wise, so that foolish pride will never prevail. Such is the way of the gods."] lmfao Don't ask me why I liked this.

Sort of like The Sword in the Stone except with thorns, which generates a more painful image. I think in order for him to actually -get- to the blade, he needs to shed blood to confirm he is indeed of Thelanor, which is pretty damn awesome! So it's not like he's just some chosen one, he comes from a blood lineage.

I like the loyal Fenris, though. I still wish he was in his original form so he could walk upright and have prehensile thumbs. lmao

Another pretty good chapter; these are becoming much and much stronger, in my opinion. My still-recent complaint is with some of the village chapters in which people die at lightning speed and that horrible one-dimensional villain. God, I totally hated that guy. I hope Azuren goes back there just to kill him.

Pretty good! I think we're even now. hahaha I might even go on to do just one more chapter for good measure!

Alright, from where I last left off, Azuren was with the wolves when a group of what I suppose would be elves have come across him. So I guess I'll keep that in mind as I read this chapter.

[“No matter what your intentions are, a trespasser is a trespasser.” replied one of them who were behind the group, obviously the leader, in Common tongue (which was exactly the language that Azuren used).] probably don't need the parenthetical expression, as it will be inferred when Azuren continues the interaction.

lmfao "That Man"/"That Person" has like, neon headlights in this narrative. I also think that instead of being so cryptic in the Common Tongue, when Haldel and "Your Highness" talk to each other, shouldn't it be in their own language, since Azuren isn't part of the conversation? Or is this done only int he purposeful way that Azuren could conveniently understand the HINT HINTS that the story is sending at him about whoever "That Man" is?

[“They thought that you guys are a bunch of non-humans who just shoot trespassers for fun…”] LOL lmfao and Haldel's like, "Pshaw, stupidass country bumpkins"

lmfao Eldan's a ladies' man.

[After an hour or so of walking, they finally reached their destination. Eldan then cried out to the sentry in elven tongue, which of course Azuren couldn’t understand.] Again, we don't need the portion that says Azuren couldn't understand.

[they wanted nothing more than clustering around Eldan without a so-called gooseberry.] lmfao I like the way this is worded. it's very in-world.

I like the way Eldan communicates history. It's not so clunky or complicated; he makes it easy for us readers to understand, gruff language or not. Edenish druids are as their name implies? Or am I mistaken?

[He sighed, for he knew there was no chance that he could ever be like that, plus the fact that multiple female company could really give him nerves...] Main characters in animes share this trait, with the exception to a few characters like Louie the Rune Soldier, Gene Starwind, and Isamu Dison-a few others. But most main characters are sensitive, brooding, and sort of loners. Best example, I think, is Shin from Gundam Seed Destiny. That kid had issues. lmao

Despite the transition from Azuren's village into Eden, this chapter is possibly the most realistic of what I've read from Arven, in terms of narrative fluidity, scene change, and conversation. I liked it.

great chapter! a few run-ons, but I'm sure someone has already mentioned that.

you really are creative, this is such a great story. and your descriptions are wonderful... as usual.

I like how you ended this with Eldan and Azuren. I can't wait for more!

fictionpress is looking really strange now, since the last time i was here. Anyway, I'll be posting up my new story later so please do check it out.

Regarding this chapter, it's quite good. Not one of your best though, but it still manages to hold up well. One thing I've noticed is that you also write overtly-long sentences at times which prove to be rather confusing at times. I have that problem too :P but seeing it in your work really highlights it.

For instance, 'Roaring in fury, the Darkenkin turned around to attack, but its target was no longer there as he appeared to the side, performing a slash to the side, which sent it off its feet due to the impact. ' It is understandable yes, but it could have been split into two sentences which would have been more conducive for reading.

Say... Roaring in fury... but its target was no longer there. It blinked and roared in chagrin as seconds later, his foe materialised beside him. One slash to the side later and it was sent off its feet, blown away by the extreme impact of the strike.

That's just my two cents. Lol, I have that problem also...*sigh*

Interesting chapter, though I felt there were a few parts that didn't represent themselves as good as they could be, it was still nice. I especially felt that when you showed the darkenkin wasn't as bad as they seemed to be.

Wow, you have a vivid imagination. I think your writing is amazing and the world that you have created is very interesting. The only thing is, however, I find myself wondering why your writing is posted on I think you should have this stuff published! Keep writing!

Ahah... so Darkenkin are created. One can be human and become Darkenkin...

And... wow...

just... wow.

:) CD

Okay, the beginning was just bad. It sounded like something from a very bad movie. The whole "being of darkness" was so overdone that I wanted to hurl.

My main concern with this chapter, something that has been through all the rest of the story, is that your story is starting to sound too much like an anime. It has to do withe cliched element that is engrained into your story, and the overly used idea of prophecy. Azuren will save the world. What other reason is there to read more?

I'd write more, but I'm being booted off the computer.

Shadowhound

Like the part that Darkenkins do have a human side too, instead of being portrayed as total bad guy. You do have very detailed description of the fight. Nice timing by Eldan in the last bit.

Nice! That darkenkin wasn't all that bad after all. *shrugs*

I'll be reading!

-SB

Alright, this was a pretty nice continuation of the previous chapter(s). I was marginally surprised to discover that Darkenkin was actually good, but had allowed his hatred of humans to comsume him after the death of his wife. I also recognized it was sort of a less for Azuren, because he himself had lost many loved ones, and in his past life had killed his loved one.

As to the fighting I found it... oddly comical. Not intentonally for sure, but I guess the image playing through my mind made it so. Otherwise , my finding it humorous, it was good. Though I do think you used the word afterimage often. Oh, yeah, just to let you know, You mixed up your letters in the first hypocrite. The one where the Darkenkin shouted at him.

Well, once again, interesting continuation. Especially the part before the Darkenkin died. I just like that part for some reason, aside form the previous chapter that is.

Funny, your last reviewer was majorly disappointed in this chapter for some reason.

Frankly...I'm a bit dissapointed. It's been like more than a month and I was hoping you'd have some uber chapter written up...but this was a bit anti-climactic. At the start you started way too many sentences with 'then' so that was a bit repetitive, and you have to watch how you use certain words (doesn's sound right sometimes). This chapter had a lot of potential, I can see that, but I don't know what happened...sorry, but that's the way I see it.

I was wondering how your story had these coolass tabs in them, but I think since it was first made in 2004, the actual update to get rid of the tabs didn't come until November of 2005, right? Geez, you haven't edited these chapters since then, or...? Well, it doesn't matter. I was just curious to see if you knew any secrets about how to get the tabs to work, because I sure would have used them in my own story.

So, Azuren has the natural foraging instinct because he is from the wolf lineage? I hope that when he meets Ranor again, that him and his two wolf friends totally rip out that guy's throat. He was so annoying. Can Azuren eat food raw, or is he just a -humanoid-, so he can't eat any meat that is uncooked regardless of the fact that he is part wolf? That was a weird question, I was just curious. lmao

And they weren't able to get him, so he probably has some kind of chameleon sense, or an ability to blend in with his surroundings. He has all these animal instincts. He also has high stamina-I guess even if he doesn't have the average constitution of a child, he needs to store energy by eating, which is why, even if he doesn't need sleep or a rest, he needs to eat, right?

An interesting establishment chapter. I love short chapters.

Elves, don't shoot! He's innocent!

I'm still thinking about that book worm that Azuren brought up. Hopefully he shows up later on and doesn't leave me hangin'. hahaha

Anyway, onto this chapter. Jesus, Ranor is so sadistic. I hate that he keeps flapping his jaw about his plans to a child, no less. It shows that he is petty and has no brain whatsoever. a real villain might threaten, but will never expose their plot to someone who they find as a dangerous personality. Rather, they would just squelch any threat and be done with it, and cut the small talk. I just want to shove a sock down Ranor's throat, he is so totally annoying.

The jailer seems pretty nice. Not TOO nice, but nice enough. What's with all these nice people offering Azuren food before talking to him? lmfao It's like, in order to strike up a conversation with the poor kid, they have to feed him first. lmfao

["Then why don't you just leave Anglas?" questioned Azuren. / "Where can I go? All are wilderness around this region and I'm not Master Lakus, who is made of adventurer stuff, you know."] Ah, now it makes sense why Azuren would never try and venture out of his village. He could get killed in the wilderness, or even worse. I would think though, that since his father made a pact with the wood elves, he would try and seek them out for help or at least for shelter. Unless there is no way of them being able to tell that he is the son of the former adventurer, because he's not of his father's blood. The wood elves, as I know already from Elven Chronicles, are really friggin' cautious, especially since the great war. lmao ["The wood elves lived there and I heard they are on good terms with Master Lakus since his adventuring days. Go there and proclaim your identity. I think they will accept you once they found out the truth."] Ah, never mind. LOL

Well, it was nice of Ilgen to do that for Azuren. At least he's not freakish about his niceness, he actually had an internal battle if he should release Azuren or not, which shows a lot of courage. This was a cool chapter.

I still dislike Ranor, though. I usually don't dislike villains-they happen to be my favorite character in any story, but yeah, he is really annoying.