Reviews for Circles of Arven
Said Author chapter 7 . 7/14/2009
Hey there, I'm back for more Arven before I leave. This chapter was nice with getting me relaxed... and then the end with the people thinking he's a trespasser made me alert again. :P I felt that you could have shown more and told less with the wolf scene [saying "Azuren new" or "then he knew" got kind of repetitive, it was shown he "knew" by you writing that he petted the cub as well, for example].
Reigh chapter 1 . 7/14/2009
"All were nothing, but there resided a spirit, Irunar, who wandered through this void, untouched by any outside powers, for he is the Past, Present and the Destiny which is to come."

"Long had he wandered and by his own will, decided to create the worlds in the universe, which out of all, one will be the main gateway to other worlds which he created and would be the world he had chosen to be sacred."

These are extremely long runon sentence that I feel should be broken up somehow. You have a tendency to let you sentences keep going for way too long. Just watch out for that.

Now that my grammar nazi-ing is finished! I think this is a good first chapter. Very descriptive and imaginative. I have to give you kudos for coming up with such original names for your characters, and being able to come up with all those different gods. Great work!

Your detailing is good, but I think you could use an editor to help polish things up a bit!

All in all, I like it! I shall attempt to come back here after I've done all my other reviews!


From the Roadhouse with Love!

You have been Repaid!
Frayling0 chapter 29 . 7/14/2009
A slow chapter but I enjoyed it - it was nice having a change in pace. Very interesting discovering what happened to the village... Azuren is as great as ever. Awesome chapter! I hope you don't mind if I put in my two cents to your note at the top. I live in the UK and personally I don't agree with you. The media is a separate entity, and will and always will 'do what it wants'. It does not adhere to religious or racial understanding, because the newspapers figure easily offended people won't read. Also, don't you think a nation which has been bombed by those stating Allah as their leader might be a little angry - and careless about the religion of Islam? I doubt the family of those killed in the London bombings care about offending Muslims. Christianity is constantly criticised and mocked - e.g Jesus - in media and tv across the world yet Christians do not complain because they politely choose to ignore it. We must not tar people with the same brush, and generally Islam is a peaceful religion, but there we go - my opinion lol. Can't wait till the next chapter! ~ Luke
Frayling0 chapter 28 . 7/13/2009
Yay the plot is swiftly moving on and Azuren is going places... I like the explanations by the seer, and the little poem/song you created in the chapter. Not too sure about the short scenes at the beginning though, if you move it along too quick it can become irritating for the reader. Great work nevertheless! ~ Luke
saintsinnerlady chapter 1 . 7/11/2009
this was a good intorduction to the story there is alot of information here, that i assume is going to be very important to know later on

there were some grammer issues but nothing serious. one sentence did however confuse me

"The war, however was concluded when through the intervention of Irunar, knowing that any further fighting would totally unmake the world, the forces of Mylor was turned back, where in a desperate attempt, he issued a challenge of duel."

idk if its just to long, but i feel like there are alot of thoughts going on and its a bit muddled.

other than that great job .

xo saint
estrickland89 chapter 1 . 7/9/2009
Wow, this first chapter flowed better than mine did. It wasn't rushed and went well together. Overall, it is a wonderful prologue.
Frayling0 chapter 27 . 7/9/2009
Great chapter, definetely seeing new angles of Eldan each time. The tension and dynamics between him and Azuren this chpt were captured perfectly in my opinion. Great work, nice to see another character creation file too. ~ Luke
Frayling0 chapter 26 . 7/8/2009
Great chapter, nice to see more fleshing of Eldan's character, and the celebrations after the duel. Azuren is still one of my faves, along with Fenris and Lyren, and the character creation bit was a nice little addition. Well done! ~ Luke
Frayling0 chapter 25 . 7/7/2009
Wow this was one of the best chapters so far... It was great to see the fight continue, and Lyren and Fenris are growing to become my favourite characters. There little observations and commentating are just great - definitely kept me reading. I liked the manga inspired battle scenes, the Japanese really do make fighting an art. Nice work, you should be proud of this one. The stats at the end are a welcome bonus. ~ Luke
N.E. Olson chapter 6 . 7/7/2009
Good job with the tension in this chapter. I was anxiously wondering how Azuren was going to get out of this one. Poor kid. Every time he makes a friend he loses them. I hope his luck improves with the wood elves...
Chancee chapter 41 . 7/6/2009
I think all was well with this chapter...I have no idea where you are going with these new characters so it gives a nice way to end this story for the moment...

I am now having mixed feelings about Eldan...He seems to be a real trouble maker but that adds to the fun right? Oh and you are putting more and more modern language and slang here... This is not showing the crispness of your other chapters since everything and all the language was so formal.. Now everyone seems too relaxed so don't water down all the work you put into this...I think you can polish this up a little more to get it on par with your previous chapters and if you don't see it...Look at the dialogue in chapters 15 -25 opposed to these and you should see a change in how you were writing the dialogue...This was still very interesting and I am eager to find out what will befall the wayward Eldan...I hope he does get a butt kicking for hitting on an innocent girl though, especially since she has a boyfriend.

You are officially PAID IN FULL MY FRIEND!

So get to the updating...Oh so since I spent an entire day almost with this your new story will wait till I get with some other authors since I have been getting in two to three stories a day...I still love you though...You inspire me to do some fantasy fics like I said...
Chancee chapter 40 . 7/6/2009
The set up of the secret meeting was really cute but the kiss was too short for me... Lynn seemed to get up some nerve afterward, but there again the guy let her know he was really not interested...Bad Azuren...Idiot you are supposed to kiss her bavk.. Anyway the little romance was a cute change in scenery and it was cute...I'm glad you got back to your humor and this was mostly a transition chapter huhg? Okay I got one more to go for you...
Chancee chapter 39 . 7/6/2009
If you have one more long lecture...Okay you are going for the total package of an explicitedly detailed story with all ideals spelled out...You are leaving nothing to our imagination and you have explained everything to the letter...You may want to make us use our own brains and not be so gracious...The wisdom of Thelanor is well written but I don't know about this chapter...It seemed that he had to come out but some of this was like you wanted to force us to see the greatness that the kid would become...I don't know if that made sense, but on to the next chapter...
Chancee chapter 38 . 7/6/2009
Extremely long fight, I mean how many pages was that.. The history of the the Dark dude was not really needed, but okay...I still say there is something wrong with Eldan and I don'tknow whether I really trust him anymore.. Well I got two chapters left to go...
Chancee chapter 37 . 7/6/2009
Now I like fighting scenes but they are really beginning to get long...and drawn don't want to loose the pace of your battle and the commentary by Djinn is a distraction...I almost felt like I was watching T.V. or something with the interruptions...You also give a lot of information here and it is in depth so it slows the momentum of the fithing down...I guess you can re-work that some how but in the mean time I am wondering when this fight will end now...I'm exhausted for poor Azuren
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