Reviews for Circles of Arven
N.E. Olson chapter 5 . 7/6/2009
Great chapter. Heart-wrenching and epic all at once. Fantasy doesn't get much better than that. Poor Julia. I feel so bad for Azuren; he hasn't had much luck with life so far. The lightning bit was awesome, though, and I hope he learns to control this power. I can't wait for him to meet up with the wolf! If he does...but I have a feeling he does, so I'm going to go ahead and look forward to that. :)
N.E. Olson chapter 4 . 7/6/2009
That punk Ranor! Killing Azuren's foster parents...jerk. Julia is a sweetie, though, for bringing Azuren some food. Once again, I think you can do more showing of Azuren's situation and less telling. More details and descriptions would help flesh out the story and make it easier to visualize. But I'm liking where this is going plot-wise, and I look forward to reading more.
N.E. Olson chapter 3 . 7/6/2009
Good job on this chapter. It was a good introduction to Azuren and some of the circumstances surrounding his life. The end seemed a bit cut off, though. This chapter was so short that it would be easy to add more details about his growing up. This would also allow for a more emotional impact when the foster parents die. Also, have you ever considered making that first chapter into a prologue? I know you already have a prologue (the history), but the first chapter feels more like a prologue than a part of the actual story. I've encountered books with two prologues or an untitled section followed by a prologue. Something to think about. Anyway, good job with this chapter.
Chancee chapter 21 . 7/6/2009
It was hankering on boring but you played it off with the information you gave. There is always such intricate history here like someone is telling me the existence and story of how the world formed and all the races started.

To have that much information at once is a little daunting. I know there is good reason to have a well rounded story but this is getting to feel more like a documentary of elven lives, more so than a story of a ranger.

Now the first half had all the action then there is this portion that is dragging. YOu need to incoperate your humor and style of witty dialogue more so here. The religious feeling in this is very strong taking on a very modern day feel which is pulling at the fantasy strings swaying it almost to spiritual.

I know you probably have lots of great reviews for this, but you know I am looking at this and I needed to tell you what it felt like to me. I am wondering when you will get back to the action and the fast pace since you are slowing your story to a crawl...Pep it up some...
Chancee chapter 20 . 7/6/2009
Poor thing...He can't even light a wick...Tsk this was interesting and the trial thing was good but he got depressed a little too quickly for me. You may have thrown in there that after a couple of days or so it was a complete disaster. And why does he need the Lord of Air to do his magic?

Okay he needs to stand on his own two feet so let me see if he will...
Chancee chapter 19 . 7/6/2009
The dream was really funny. You could have had more facial expressions there but okay, I'll deal. Now as for the magic it is all interesting but I think you could have broken it up and not tell us all of it at once. ow we have to either have a recap every new lesson or you will have to keep repeating yourself which can drawl on the story.

You are not using as much of your witty dialogue and that is what is missing. This is more formal and serious for what I am use to you writing, albeit still an enjoyable read, don't get me wrong, it is just taking you longer than usual to get to the core of the plot. I know he has to train but maybe you can come up with more interesting trials. I know you are a creative beast so let some of that imagination seep onto the keys...
Chancee chapter 18 . 7/6/2009
There is this easy reading thing about this now. I don't know. It's loosing some of it's steam. I think you should cut back on some of your narration and show us more than tell us.

You definitely have a handle on what is going on but there is something missing...I'll keep going and when I figure it out I will tell you...
Chancee chapter 17 . 7/6/2009
I still see chakra Ki which still makes since from the stand point of drawing the energy of oneself and Azuren is closely the same mold as Naruto and Bleach. No you are not copying but it is good that you are on par with some other well written characters.

I think you are doing a great job with this. Now I don't think you need to tell us every move he makes though, and that can be a bit taxing to have everything spelled out so much. You can always summarize...

Still interesting so on I go...
Chancee chapter 16 . 7/6/2009
So you go from the Lion King with the circle of life to preaching about what one needs to do in their religion. You might have to mark this spiritual as well. There are really strong religious ideals present in this story and it is very quiet to say the least but I see different points of ways of living so preached by the christian doctrines, but that's just me. There is always something spiritual hovering around your characters to give them an extra boost of power along with their magic that is unexplainable so it all fits rather nicely.

On to the next...
Chancee chapter 15 . 7/6/2009
Nice short history lesson. I like how you work this into your story. I could hear a grand wise voice at this point which suited the narration perfectly. I think it was also neat how you fixed the language to speak to us so bravo for that. On to the next...
Chancee chapter 14 . 7/6/2009
Okay once again the hero's creed for justice is clearly this chapter in your own words and it is very interesting. you have mostly dialogue again and I like how you strung Julia to be Ilgen's daughter. Seems fitting now. But what will happen next? Will Azuren get a love of his own? C'mon!
Chancee chapter 13 . 7/6/2009
YES! You killed the no good sob good fashion. And the villagers well I guess they are casualties of war but I don't know. His attack did not kill them did it? I don't think it did, but great chapter of revenge...
Chancee chapter 12 . 7/6/2009
A short chapter with just dialogue. Okay now that has a very mangaish feeling to it so I won't say anything except the dialogue was good.

You did not have much happen you know so there is not much for me to comment on...
Frayling0 chapter 24 . 7/6/2009
Wow great chapter, definitely kept me hooked! I think you described the action really well, I felt like I was there, watching, for most of it! I love how Fenris and Lyren were watching and commentating, clearly interested in Azuren's performance - a nice touch I believe. Azuren is still a good character, Eldan... hmm I'll have to wait and see with him, I don't know what to think yet. Nice work, thoroughly enjoyed! ~ Luke
Frayling0 chapter 23 . 7/6/2009
Haha nice chapter, really loving how you've begun to extend the length of them. So Azuren must face Eldan huh... It's gonna be interesting, till next time - great work! ~ Luke
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