|Reviews for Dud Zone|
| Alaskan-Lone-Wolf chapter 1 . 7/6/2005
DUDE this sucks...and I am not one who normally says this...write something better...i know you can. The characters are vague, the plot is confusing, and the speaking needs ALOT of work. I honestly don't think you put your heart and soul into this peice...
| Carradine chapter 1 . 1/19/2005
Sorry this can't be anonymous - I wanted to email you and something went wrong with that and then I tried to make this anonymous so you could remove it but that obviously didn't work.
First up's defending myself. Not really much to say (see below) but there is a little. I won't mention the me being a dick stuff because that's what the below paragraph is for, and why I'm doing this. First is my hatred of the comma: I don't hate it, I just believe that simply because it's grammatically correct in a given location doesn't mean it should be there. Second I'm confused about why you call my "its/it's" thing a snafu. Before that you say I insult everything he did correctly (which I of course did), then you mention the its stuff. Did it confuse you that I'd also make insult what Cheah didn't do correctly? Third, I also began wondering while reading your review why you didn't bring up everything I said about Cheah. Why not? If it's your intent to insult/offend me (which it was) why not try to insult any mistake I made in the essay? Fourth patronizing Cheah. I guess I did, and for that I'm sorry. If he lets me know I patronized him I'll gladly apologize to him as well but I didn't mean to, and haven't heard anything from him. I was trying to compliment him - like, it's not your native tongue yet you're better with it than most people whose native tongue it is. Undoubtedly what I said about Cheah's nationality and what I just said above irritates you. It probably looks like I'm trying to cover for something rude I did, which I'm not. What I'm doing is explaining what you took as a deliberate patronization of a good author cuz it wasn't. Fifth why'd you call me worse than Swartz? Maybe I am in some way (I could be but honestly don't know), but if that's true and you want to make me feel like a sad panda, why didn't you cite any examples? If you had some reaction of Swartz's and compared it to a similar one of mine and made me look bad (even if mine was completely out of context and made me look terrible), I'd be a lot more likely to feel bad than an accusation without any evidence. Sixth nowhere did I say stringy sentences are ideal. Sometimes they work well and sometimes they don't. If I didn't say that I should've but you're assuming, and it feels like you're making your definitive judgment of me based on no more than my bio and "To Cheah." If you really do want to have an effect on me the best way to go about it is to attack everything you can find about me. Seventh is something I just thought of - how much homework did you do, and when did you start, and why did you start? Have I offended you in the past? Why'd you say "I always sign in for reviews?" Have you anonymously reviewed something of mine? Are you trying to say I use anonymous reviews to insult people? Why did you say that? Eighth: "At least on your own winded John Kerry of a profile page you acknowledge that people see you in a male PMS state, though you plead ignorance. Well, you seem to always harbor the opinion that others are ignorant. Perhaps that's just a projection of yourself seen in others. You definitely need that defense mechanism." That kind of applies to what I just asked (your homework) but what I'm getting at is how much did you check into me, and why are you assuming what you are? Everything I feel about myself I say honestly, and mention just as clearly in what I write. Like that I hate myself and have high standards. Gratuitous John Kerry metaphor aside what you called me is not the kind of person I am, and I know it. I don't think I'm a good writer; I'm certain I'm horrible. When I see someone who's not as good a writer as I am, no matter whether it's with actual writing like grammar or story or fact-checks, I want to help, because I hate myself too much to try to not make everybody better than me. I guess a good example of this is my review of PNEK MEKS' "The Wolf Force: Battle in Japan" or maybe the JA Swartz story that's no longer up. I reviewed it and asked about guns because I wanted to help, if they needed it, because maybe whatever I was curious about was intentional and not for lack of better knowledge. Ninth what's your Infinity paragraph about? Are you asking me a real gun question or are you trying to insult me again?
PLEASE READ THE REST OF THISI'm sorry. I can't really word what I'm going to try to here but I'm going to do my best. What I ask for below is sincere and I'm going to do my best to not make it corny or look sarcastic, so I'm trying to be careful. If some of my dickery comes through it's an accident for I'm asking for your help.
Will you please help me? I don't want to sound like a dick but I guess I do and I don't know how to not sound that way. It's a writing problem - I'm not really a dick, and if you knew me as a real person and not as a rude alter-ego you'd know that. If that sentence looks like I'm trying to call you stupid I don't mean to - it's meant to try to express my concern that because you can't see or hear me you'll think I'm trying to make fun of you and I'm not. Anyway I don't want to "go after" anyone's valued consultants, and I don't mean to do so if I do. What I mean is how you say I emasculate my "friends." I don't understand how I've done that and don't want to have done it or do it again in the future at any time. Would you mind explaining why you said that? Do you mean Cheah? Who'd I insult if not him? If it was Cheah, I thought he hated me, though I don't feel that way about him.
Please help me.
| Pico the Great chapter 1 . 10/17/2004
Before I begin, this is not a flame. (that' doesn't bode well, does it? I'm not saying the story's bad, just that I"m constructively criticising it.)
Alright. I understand what you're trying to do with the dialect, but really, no offense, this is a bit over the top. There are too many colloquialisms, and the sheer number of apostrophes makes the reading much more difficult and much less smooth. I've read Mark Twain, yes, and I know what oyu're trying to do, but if you go back and check, the only places Twain has, for example, apostrophes is mostly within quotation marks-means it's speech. The narrator spells out whople words such as, "to," or "the."
However, it is an interesting story. maybe with a bit of editing, you could repost? Just a thought.
Best of luck and keep writing!