|Reviews for An Unappreciated Artist|
| Dragen Eyez chapter 5 . 1/17/2005
hmm...i like! it seems the tiniest bit forced in places, but overall it seems like the makings of a wonderful story. reminds me a bit of the matrix wtih "the one"
| TaintedSilver chapter 2 . 12/26/2004
Hey! It's Gemma again! Hoorah! I loved this chapter, and I love Ganja's amulet. I can't wait to read more, but my sister's yelling at me to get off the computer!Later!
| Gemma chapter 1 . 12/20/2004
This story's great! I haven't read it all, so I don't have a lot to say. I like the way the plot's going - I'll be sure to read more!
| MadMaverick chapter 4 . 12/15/2004
Not bad, not bad. I like Ella, but even better - Zuriph has the makings of a really malevolent bad guy.
A little overuse of the word "but". However and although are good synonyms.
In many cases, "but" is not needed. Such as the sentence "But, as he dreamt his father tossed and turned..." could easily be "As he dreamt..." Or you could take out the comma so it would be "But as he dreamt his father tossed and turned.." Having a word, such as but then a comma, and then the rest of the sentence makes it all choppy, especially here: "He was a skilled swordsman and fighter. Tariq and Elos had known eachother for countless years. Though, Shepry’s father was at least fifteen years Elos’ junior." You don't even need two sentences here. "He was a skilled swordsman and fighter. Tariq and Elos had known eachother for countless years, though Shepry’s father was at least fifteen years Elos’ junior." It makes reading the story smoother when you eliminate the "But," or "Though," at the beginnings of sentences where it isn't needed.
I realize this review is nit-picking, but that means that there isn't anything hugely wrong, so be proud. This is a very interesting story, and I can't wait to see where is goes. MM
| Dark Chronicler chapter 1 . 12/11/2004
Claps...Excellent...Keep writing as i'll be coming back for more
| MadMaverick chapter 3 . 11/19/2004
I like the line about being stopped by a "geriatric wizard". Funny. I also like how the wizards wear robes. I mean, what else would they wear? The insight into Axel's thoughts was good - it revealed a bit more about his character and about Connor's circumstance. Looking forward to the next chapter. MM
| MadMaverick chapter 2 . 11/15/2004
Nice second chapter. You did a lot better keeping sentances short and explicit. Connor's a pretty inpulsive kid to just leave like that. Why does he feel so much like helping these people? You might want to add something that gives him reason to go so suddenly. Does he identify with these strangers somehow? Did something unpleasant involving school lead him to want to leave? If he has some kind of history with them that you haven't introduced yet, you might make use of some kind of memory, perhaps of an experience or a dream. These are just suggestions of devices you might use to make it more plausible for Connor to leave home at the drop of a hat.
To attempt a plot guess here: does the disappearance of his mother have anything to do with these people? Was she one of them and that is why he can save them?
Good chapter. I'm looking foward to the next one.
| AshenHale chapter 2 . 11/3/2004
YAY! its letting me review! *mumbles about FP's crappy server* Great! Great! Great! I love this! Keep up the good work! This is an awesome, well written original story! Take that as a compliment from one who yells at people for being unoriginal all the time! Loving it! Keep it up!
| cornishxxxpixie chapter 1 . 11/2/2004
sorry i am taking ages to update. Just got back to school and have had lots of stuff to do. Anyway will update A.S.A.P
| MadMaverick chapter 1 . 10/28/2004
Good plot, and especially good characters. Watch out for using apostrophes too much, such as in bannanas'. Also look for run-on sentances. Sometimes you have too many different topics in one sentance and doesn't flow as well as it should. As an example : "He had forgotten to grab some lunch on the way out so he had been given some by Stella, it was a bannana, and Stella hated bannanas but never said anything." You are talking about the fact that Connor forgot lunch, then that Stella gave him a bannana, and third, that Stella does not like bannanas. When all three of those are combined in a sentance, it sounds a little strange. You might say instead - He had forgotten to grab some lunch on the way out, so Stella gave him a bannana. She hated bannanas, but never said anything about it. -
I think that might be a bit easier to read, and would make the story sound more elegant. Best of luck to you.
| AshenHale chapter 1 . 10/28/2004
At first I felt strange reading this...it seems all your characters put togther would make...ME! I like this so far and not only because I relate to it!
| Drac-frst chapter 1 . 10/28/2004
A little long-winded in the beginning, but I'm liking the idea and the pace gets faster near the end. It's pretty good, although I wanna see where you're taking the "witchcraft" and "colony" ideas. Update soon and please don't be like one of those newbs who writes a good intro, then quits or erases their account
| Talwin of Silver chapter 1 . 10/28/2004
I like it! Especially because it has really long chapters, well the first one is anyway. There's something about fantasies set in the modern era that intrigues me, I guess it's because I've been reading a lot of medieval ones, but good work!, keep it up!, and update as soon as you can, hopefully with another long chapter! :)