|Reviews for girls kiss girls|
| kalmia raphael chapter 1 . 6/26/2005
bit hard to understand. but so true.
| zoogath chapter 1 . 4/16/2005
bleah melly i want to read it! bring it back!
| this is britt chapter 1 . 2/18/2005
ahahaha. so brilliant.
| cheeseworth chapter 1 . 12/12/2004
hoho, very deep. i am tempted to launch into a long rant about homosexuality, but i shall save it for school. anywho, i loved the pun in the last stanza. how sad it is that this poem was so accurate in painting a picture of the world. nice one.
| Aimee Raven chapter 1 . 12/1/2004
Lol, I like how the title is only about the two first lines, then you completely change the subject. A lot of strong opinion here and I suppose you are write about certain things...very nicely put into words though!
| natthatter chapter 1 . 11/20/2004
melly it does seem in the later paragraphs that this poem was rushed although the pace could work in this sense. anyway it's a good message. mm keep going! i especially liked the first two stanzas.
| hahahahahaha chapter 1 . 11/18/2004
Interesting, I think this change of style you've used is appropriate for bringing out the effect of the poem. Well written and a good choice of words. Reminded me of "Paradox of Our Time" by Bob Moorehead (not George Carlin). Very thought-provoking concepts there.
| moonarised polane chapter 1 . 11/16/2004
you mean i haven't reviewed this? oh man.
sorry kismet. thought i reviewed this already.
anyway, yes; this world is just warped. seriously. we all focus on all the wrong things. and miss out on the impt stuff.
keep on writing. yr new style is intriguing.
but will you still write the light stuff?
deep and mature indeed.
way to go.
| reicheru chapter 1 . 11/12/2004
actually to tell the truth. i didnt quite understand that. but that doesnt really matter since it seems everyone else understands.. so yeah.
but i like the last stanza though. incorrections! whee. i understood that. *nods*
there are parts that sound kinda nattayish. hahass.
| Chi Ame chapter 1 . 11/9/2004
Wow... you just nailed it. Society has been truthfully portrayed in this poem. This is all the stuff we turn a blind eye to, because, according to the majority of this pathetic race, if we ignore thngs they will go away. Anyway, congratulations, GREAT poem. One of your best yet! :D
| catseyeview chapter 1 . 11/8/2004
I understand your words completely! Bring it down...
| ICE WOLF 741 chapter 1 . 11/5/2004
Yay, I can finally reveiw something without the error screen. Anywho, I like it, the poem, a lot. I can't write poems with any meaning and yours has a lot of meaning. I think I get most of it... Very true.
| anon chapter 1 . 11/4/2004
i think i may love you for writing this.
thank you. i especially like the first line, about the gay issue. i would rant more about that, except i don't think you would especially appreciate it. but yes. thank you.
| frisson rae chapter 1 . 11/4/2004
hahah intriguing title!
but honestly, this poem is very deep and from the perspective of an .. *ahem* mature teenager. yes.
you portray the world as it is - twisted, hypocritical societies pretending to be what we're not. i especially liked the second stanza, about michael jackson. you could have said other things that related back to the poem about how people focus more on his sexual abuse charges rather than the msg he's trying to spread - saying that you find people nowadays to shallow?
and they are, aren't they.
the third stanza kind of irritated me because i felt like you'd put it in there to make the poem longer. you should have played with the words there more to make it "fit" with the poem.
the poem had lots of lovely vocab too. all in all, good job. (:
p.s. 113'04 rockks forever & you'll always be my darling melly even if you don't take A math. take la.
| Micoladen mile chapter 1 . 11/3/2004
Compelled to review again.
The title was adequate...only to a certain extent. As much as it had brought out the essence of the poems, the contrast between Wars and such and our dear twisted minded friends out there in the world. Although the title of the poem does bring out these...contrasts, it lacks one thing.
The Sense, of the whole thing, the, *pardon for my limited vocabulary*, thing that makes it a poem, the summarised version of the poem, what exactly is it talking about? What does it really mean? Well, you kinda get the idea. This title, although fulfilling some of the critieria, doesn't take them all at one go. For that, the title can be improved on.
Secondly, If I'm not wrong, Your whole point of the poem is NOT in the last paragraph, right? It is incoporated into the paragraphs which come before it, leaving the reader to extract what is going on, what you're trying to say. Thats one thing, and its good, but look at it from this angle.
Most people, when they start reading poems, they get to the last line, thinking that it is possible to give them a hint on what is exactly going on within the poem. They see your seemingly close description of the poem, and they take it as their understanding, they would misinterpret your poem into...
Girls kiss girls and we call them crazy. They may think that its actually right to do so!
Mic. jackson. said... We applauded but covered our ears. Although by reading it from the start, without looking at the last paragraph, it makes sense. But you look it from the other perspective, it could mean that we actually DID help the world alot.
You get the idea.
On a lighter note...Your second last paragraph, last sentence, transformed the poem into something vaguely philosophical, and it does fill in rather awkwardly in this whole...sense of it. First, you're talking about we should focus on more important things. Then you say we don't care much about others. Then is saying we don't understand why they kiss each other. it all makes sense till this part. THEN, its that they seek solace, blahblah, thats okay, but once you put the what is right thing in, the motion awkwardly changes and it doesn't sount as...smooth as before. Perhaps you wanted to finish thing quickly or something...I don't know, but...the last couple of stanzas just don't sound...fitting. At least to me.
Some good points. The whole poem has the flow in it, the links within which are shown both clearly and hidden, to make the reader think about what exactly is happening. The "thinking" is set just right to that the reader doesn't have to think SO much that it becomes a headache, and not too little that the poem is too straight-forward. Thats one great thing inside this poem. Secondly, The contrast is Very clear, which brings out a very clear image of wars, of the shifting of focus, to realization, to blahblah. Well, thats well done, I have to admit.
Thats all, for this lengthly review, and I Hope its useful.
*disclaimer* (i know this should be at the top, but i forgot about it)
This review is in no place intended to cause any act of flaming and if it is seemed to be flamish, the writer deeply apologizes. Righto!