i really like this story. its about something i have always wondered about. unfortunately i di find one mistake . in the beggining when you were descirbing someone's hair Emmie i think you said that it was shaped like headphones on the side of her head. i am not sure what time frame this is in but i am sure that they don't have any head phones. just a minor mistake believe me when i write i do it all the time but i never catch it because i'm WRITING PLEASE,THANKS!

What an addictive story! You have a good plot, developed characters, entertaining dialogue, and a smooth writing style. This was perfect for a rainy afternoon. I do want to know, however, about the person spying in the beginning. It was a great way to start the story out. I also want to know if she's going to stick to her guns and find someone else, and or try it again with 'Laurie.' More please.

A short chapter, as you say, but it provides some great insight on the relationship between the two sisters. They seem quite fond of each other. There are some typos, but it's a very enjoyable read.

Now in this chapter I notice something that is a common mistake for most writers, yet easy to resolve once it is pointed out. The problem is explaining it, for it is slightly difficult. I will use the following sentence as an example:

'"I don't see any reason to, there's no special occasion that I can think of" She asked.'

Now, when you write dialogue, the words that tell us who is speaking (she said, Antonia said) are a continuation of the sentence of dialogue, and so rather than writing 'she' with a capital S, it would be in the lower case, as it is not the beginning of a new sentence. (Of course, names would still retain their capitals.) And unless the character's speech ends with an exclamation point or a question mark when you move on to say who is speaking, you would insert a comma. Some people write it thus: '"Hello." She said,' and what you are writing is: '"Hello" She said."' The correct way would be: '"Hello," she said.' Note that 'she' is not spelled with a capital, and a comma follows the word 'hello' in oppose to a period or no punctuation at all. You can use the following:

"Hello," she said."Hello!" she said."Hello?" she said.

There must be some punctuation, but if you are writing immediately after the speech who is speaking, you can't use a period. From this sentence, immediately above the example I used from your story:

"Yes dear"

it would be appropriate to add a period after the word 'dear,' and before the quotation mark.

I'm not sure how clear I've made this, so I found a website that explains it in a better manner, for I didn't want to talk too much about the dialogue punctuation. . will tell you what you need to know, if I didn't do a very fine job of it.

Good description in the story, again! I can really see what the people, places, and things look like. The story is very intriguing still. The interaction between Anna and Antonia is very pleasant to read. A very good character in Antonia's mother, too! She makes me chuckle whilst at the same time rolling my eyes.

Despite the dialogue trouble, which isn't at all serious (for the trick of it can be learned with ease), the story is very, very enjoyable so far.

A very short first chapter, but good description. Being so short, it is quite hard to find anything to constructively criticize. There are, however, some typos that I'll point out.

'The man hide behind the tree...' I do believe you mean 'hid.' Also: 'She then moved over to the young and they embraced...' I think perhaps you meant 'young man?'

Also, this sentence is rather awkwardly phrased: 'He was right about her looking young because she clearly was but beautiful with it.' Perhaps something more along the lines of: 'He was right: she was very young, but also very beautiful in her youth.' Not necessarily that, but as a suggestion.

Aside from this, it is quite an intriguing first chapter, and it compels me to read on!

I can't believe I am the only reader! This is a brilliant story, and i'm really enjoying it! I think that it is well written and described. I hope the next chapter is not too long in coming! Keep up the brilliant work! Look forward to the next update, so till then TTFN!

Excellent, looking forward to the next chapter. It's got a brilliant plot, and excellent chapters. Look forward to reading more.

Just finished reading this, I think its brilliant, I really look forward to reading more of this. I think the story is going great, and I like the characters of all the sisters. Brillinat! Hope you update soon! Till then Adios!