aww, I feel like there is unfinished mystery with the legend of the Wanderer searching for someone, and not knowing what Chaydra can Change into.

On the other hand, I enjoyed the read. Thanks for posting!

wow out of curiosity this being published soon?

No offence, but this story feels unfinished. Like you left some things left untold or unfinished, like some strings were left dangling or something. We never did find out what happened to Chayda and finding the other half of her soul or whatever it was. The story is very good, don't get me wrong, but I think you completely forgot about Chayda's part in the story aside from being 'a strong Huntress of Fire'. It felt like everyone else got their happy ending, but she had to settle. In the beginning she had wanted so badly to find her animal counterpart and be able to return to her home lands, at least for a visit, but near the end she seems to have forgotten about her goal of finding her spirit thing. Maybe you were planning a sequel that elaborated on her journey, or maybe not. All I can say is that it really just feels unfinnished and a bit rushed, which is really a shame because the story started out so good, so interesting.

Good story!

Are you still revising it? If you are, you should tie up the subplot about Chayda finding her form. Or else write a sequel...

Anyway, thanks for the good read.

Yes i know it's a completed story but i still think you deserve a review. I haven't got into any of your others yet but i'm working on it.

I think your writing style is great, i think i saw 1 spelling error in the whole story! The ideas you used are very interesting, i like the Laesaydrn(?) concept and their connection to other types of people like the wolfkin. And people that can communicate with other beasts. This came off well because the mixing of the talents with the general population meant Chayda didnt have to deal with the hate and fear that people often have toward someone different. I also loved your use of different magics and rankings, that was the type of 'flash of inspiration' idea that really makes a story stand out.

I did find Chayda a little blank almost, like she wasn't fully fleshed out? I think the other storylines about Sinharen and Nightblade might have contributed to that only because they both had long and interesting histories. All in all she came off as a newbie who doesn't have the whole picture of what's going on around her. Which, of course, is what she was really. Though i liked her as a character she didn't really do enough to impact a lot and so it seemed (to me) that you had focused on the wrong person as the main character. Her relationship with Sinharen and his with Nightblade was also confusing, does she like him? Does he have history with Nightblade? Maybe i read to much into it but she seemed more interested with him than anyone else.

Koras was great because he was so believable, he is pretty normal no magic powers and doesn't stand out in a crowd. But he's a leader of a spy group so it fits. The brother and sister were equally interesting because they did stand out just enough for you to wonder more about them.

At some stages i did get confused with the names, but i did read this in two huge blocks so that's probably my mind blurring things together. Similarily i was confused by the Raven Division/Raven thing but that's not neccessarily the writing style.

Finally, i was so disappointed not to find out what form Chayda would take! I was so sure she would find out during the course of the story. But this just lends a sense of realism to the tale, not eveything is tied up in a nice bow at the end, their lives go on.

Thanks for listening!

Okay. I know it's been a very long time and I feel like a very bad fan, but I even though I read this - like the terrible person I am - I can't leave it unreviewed. It deserves reviews. My sincerest apologies for allowing other things to clutter my life.

Alright! Strangely enough I didn't lose any of this in my mind...

"her feet [off] the table"

"It [continued] for hours until"

And...agh, I just got pulled into it again. Not that I mind. *grin* I really enjoy this story.

One note - you switched between calling Keisha 'Keisha' and 'Nightblade'. Although any good reader knows it's the same person, it's stylistically confusing.

Still as good as I remembered...even better. Even if I jumped right back in the middle, I remember, and with my memory that's saying something. I can't remember much of anything, and so the fact that I remembered not only the plot but the characters and the relationships is saying a lot for the mark this has made on me.

Again, sorry for disappearing for so long...I feel bad...

BB- Arej

Excellent introductory paragraph. It really sets the stage for the enviroment with which the characters are going to dealing. Simply wonderful.

What is with Sinharan anyway? Honestly, he is so dark and mysterious. I like him, but he just seems so withdrawn that you really don't care about what might be wrong with him. And the skirting around his past is a little repetitive. Could they at least say why he isn't exactly welcomed with open arms in Brightdale? It is almost as if they are withholding information for no reason other than that it would expose him too soon for your plot line. Not a very substancial reason, but then, it is only the third chapter and there is much more story to come...

This is sounding really great. However, is this story about Chayda particularly or the Ravens collectively through the eyes of Chayda and any other viewpoint characters that pop up? If it is the former, you seem to be skimming the top of the Ravens collectively. If it is the latter, than again, you are skimming the top a little bit. To go a little deeper down into each character might be nice.

I really loved this, with interactions between characters. That is my favorite part I must say again. I cannot write conversations and dialogue to save my life... But now that they have arrived in Brightdale, there is a plot cooking. Hmm, I'm liking it.

Gryph-the-Youngling

GryphonFledglingOfSilverWings

So how much did she drink that she might be getting the beginnings of a hangover?

The whole spring thing and its association with people with hangovers being awoken by their overly awake friends really didn't make a whole lot of sense to me, even though it was pretty funny.

I love the waking up of Rohan. How much did he have to drink...? (please forgive my obsession with your characters' alcholic habits) And is Ka'Heera a particular deity in connection with Chayda?

Anyway, this is sounding really great. However, what happened to the whole character who was having the dream? Is the entire adventure of Chayda a dream? Or is that character someone else? Ah, never mind, I suppose it will all be explained...

AGH! Nothing but questions. Your writing is really great, but definitely the best part is the characterization. Each character is individual and more or less easily distinguished from another. However, the dark haired guy with a secret past thing is a little cliched... Hm... We'll see I suppose...

Love the song that the Ravens sing...

AGH! This has basically been one long line of "I like it, I like it, I like it..." But hey, everyone needs one of those at one time, right?

Gryph-the-

Okay, let the merciless reviewing begin! *grins*

What is the cloak made out of that it leaks? If it is made of cloth, it wouldn't leak. It would just get wetter and wetter until it was soaked through.

Where does the serving woman get her key from? It just sort of miraculously appears in her hand.

When Chayda eats her food and is comparing it to what she gets on the road, you use the word "better" twice in the same sentence. You may want to use another word, like "tastier" or "richer."

Ah! I love your interactions between characters. The conversation at the table was great, though I think Chayda's shouting speech was a little weak. The sentence "If I had any choice in the matter, any choice whatsoever, I would be back home with the rest of my kin and friends, Changing from shape to shape at will." I think could be cut down to "If I had any choice in the matter, any choice whatsoever, I would be back home." with no ill effects. The entire Changing thing, I am sure, is explained somewhere else and it would help pull the speech together and make it more efficient.

Is there some sort of hidden meaning in the fact that Chayda's parents' forms are an eagle and a stallion and that Aeres is a Taerithion (raptor and horse)?

What! NO! What are you doing?

*runs off screaming something incomprehensible*

Okay, I am better now. Man, I got so caught up in it that I was really shocked when that came around. Very good, very good indeed.

Great job, this is awesome.

-the-Youngling

Interesting chapter. I like the idea of mercenaries who specialize in gathering information.

I'd ask questions, but I figure most, if not all, of them will be answered in the oncoming chapters.

Shadowhound

Interesting first chapter. I like the mood of it, and I'm curious about what will happen.

Have you ever heard of a book called "The Black Company," by Glen Cook? Another group of mercenaries. This reminds me vaguely of it, but I see a lot of key differences.

I'll try to read some more soon.

Shadowhound

Alright...I've already read this (in fact, I finished reading the whole thing, please don't shoot me, I was, um, hungry? lol, hungry to read more, I guess I should say, so I did. But here I am reviewing, 'cause it's worth a second read. It's worth a third and fourth, too, but I'll take those as they come.) so here's the review as I go through it again:

"He was a fox through and through, from his short-cropped russet hair, wickedly sharp chin, slightly pointed ears and large, golden brown eyes." Great description, but since you started the second half with "from" you need to put a "to" somewhere in there. Anywhere, really, so long as it sounds right.

"The [bartender] walked by to collect his bowl"

"Your brother was simply… entertaining in that room at the time, and I was unable to retrieve it at the time." "at the time" is repeated. I know, I know, but it sticks out like a sore thumb. Perhaps change one of them...?

"Though if your people are so concerned about you that [they’ve] tried to rescue you, perhaps I should mention it to… Kor."

"He shoved [it} into the box, shut it and put it back on the shelf." Unless, of course, he's shoving his fingers into the box, lol.

And I really like this chapter. Just enough to into the readers to the captain of Fox, but not too much. And it wasn't too unbearably easy for him to get the box, either...if it had been I'd have been disappointed, but I'm obviously not.

So anyway, well done. I really do like this chapter. Can't say favorite, but close.

BB- Arej

Oh, and no, Trial By Fire isn't going to stop 'cause of Kinship...thanks for the reviews by the way.

...Wow, then. Definitely a mind-blower there.

I can't really think of anything to say. I'm still reeling.

BB- Arej

As I go...I know I didn't review the last one, shame on me, but I needed to forge ahead...

"hear the [Priests] speak, there"

"There was a dark cloak hunt over the base" Do what?

"he agreed. [“]Deal.” He locked"

Well done, putting those two pieces together like that. I'd guessed it was Sinharan that Jedar was asking Nightblade to look for...but I wasn't sure. It fits together quite well, now that I see it. Congrats there on that.

And...continuing onward!

BB- Arej

As I go.

"A small, bag, but nonetheless" The ","s are unnecessary

"coat itself came [off] last, slowly"

"for men never suspected a woman doing something they considered womanly" Um...do you mean manly?

Well...new characters, new ideas, thoughts, etc., and a thousand more questions...and I have work to do. *curses* Ah well. Well done, and I shall rturn.

BB-Arej