Isn't the clay scene very similar to the movie Ghost? o_0

I completely love Aya's mental breakdown. I've never had one or anything, but this sounds spot on. Perhaps you have? ;)

It seems weird that Alice would happen to wander into the art room and not see anyone, let alone find some clay and decide to spin when she's never done it before. But I don't think any normal people focused on that, just me. XD

Aya sure falls asleep a lot.

I really like this chapter on a personal level. I didn't get much from the flashback though.

Who would fall asleep at show at a bar?

This chapter was amazing as well, love your character design. You made the bartender a believable, coherent character during his short role. I appreciate your description of syryn song, that is the exact feeling put into words. The analogy to addiction is spot-on.

I really like chapter one, It is definitely my favorite. I was surprised at the end when I was reminded that I was reading work from an amateur writer!

If I had one criticism it would be where the professor hits Alice. After a long bout of being surrounded in realistic fiction, I felt it jarred the scene into having a 'cartoony' feel.

But this chapter is, as I see it, perfect.

Eh? Since Fractured read this. That's how I saw it. I'll join in with a proper-ish review then since I get a bit silly.

Bold the title.

It's okay that you are rewriting the chapters - but don't tell people to skim through, then people just might not read - imagine fast-forwarding FMA for 3 episodes, you missed Winry LOL.

Yes it definitely needs rewriting though. Could see the issues, but since you're doing it I'll leave that out.

It was a slow start - and the first big chunk, perhaps before the dialogue was boring.

A touch funny with the naming issue - but you could touch up the presentation.

Some cliched and typical scenes.

Throughout, I felt that there was a need for sharper dialogue and just some more gripping effects. There is a need to make the plain surprising.

There could be potential as with what's going on, but yeah.

Needed to explore more with the depths of the characters.

Anyhow. I'll leave it there for now. Cheers.

Uh okay...

Read first chapter. It started off good with the scene in class. Their interaction was nice and friendly and some back story to your created world was given along nicely.

But then it deteriorated to the typical and generic group of friends that all just happen to be in a band along with the main character Insert my slightly frowning face upon discovering this. But that's okay. I can deal with that..

That aside; What does he mean 'how many women that came onto him'? You're not even allowed to TALK to him without it being called flirting? That was all that girl did; talk. Communicate since he had such a weirdo name. I did not detect any flirting and that man surely has TOO much of a deluded ego -.-

The fact that he is inescapably beautiful only worsens the impression of him. COME ON! He is only 160 cm. Most girls are taller. :/ And most girls WANT taller. I'm in a tad of a hurry here, so I'll cut this short:

It is not believable he is so utterly disturbed by them stalking ladies, if he counts HER to be a fangirl of his looks. She was just friendly :/ Hate to see how he interpreted the other girls that apparently "hit on him". What did they do? Ask for a pen?

Characters that are so beautiful that is becomes a burden are usually hard to write because it is hard to make them believeable. I think you suffer from this trouble.

Good luck though. And kick ass title.

'Tis shaping up great so far. 33 I only had time to read a few chapters just yet, but I'm already seeing a very interesting society and backdrop that I want to know more about, as well as very vivid characters. Aya caught my interest and held it fast rightaway, and his bandmates are a wonderfully mismatched and interesting group.

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Heh...I have NO clue what to say, other than this just might be my favorite chapter. The flow of it was a little faster than your former ones, something that I really had to get used to because I really liked the gentler pace of the others. But that does not detract from the greatness, it is simply something to get used to.

I must say, I really wish you fleshed out the festival a bit more, showing more of Aya's lack of knowledge of such things. Perhaps I'm just stuck on how adorable he came off? I really do truly love Aya, he is just too much! Ack, and what's this about his being responsible for Darius' and his sisters' death? What a way to simply drop that out of the blue. Now I insist that you hurry your little writer's butt up and give me more of this story before I become irate and ignorant!

All threats aside, do be swift in your next update, I'll be missing Aya and Alice too much. Further more, don't you think a bit more of Avian would be in order? I think I love him almost as much as Aya...and Loki, a fallen angel? That alone is smexiness personified.

Alright, doll, I'll cease my mindless prattle, do understand that it's your amazing abilities that encite this kind of madness within me.

*Laughs*

~*~*Cailin*~*~

great job on the rewrite of chapter one!

Bravo, Bravo! More! I can't wait for chapter 8 to be up! Could it be that Aya is finally opening up? I hope so!

Here is one thing I think you might want to fix..She looked at the watch on her wrist: it was only just now seven o’clock. There was plenty of time, she supposed, that she could stay with him. And if you couldnt tell, you used she twice... Besides that, I actually understood the story quite well, and it was quite good. It is becoming more interesting, but also more confusing. The only question I have you is this: Is Aya now also gay? Or do all the people at the college they are attending now have both male and female mates? For that is something I am not understanding too well.. I will read the next chapter soon, ok. Computers class is over now, so I must go. Keep writing.

cool. i just read the first little bit, but i think that it's an interesting concept. i hope that you continue writing, because you have a great imagination, and that can take you places.

I dearly love this tale...

Regardless of the number of reviews you recieve know that you have something BRILLIANT here! I am madly infatuated with Aya...his personality is spastic, true, but completely endearing. Neh...I'd demand you write more, but I thoroughly understand that something as beautiful as this takes time to be well written. I wait for the next instalment with held breath and uncontainable excitment.

This was a very good chapter! It's getting very interesting... and somewhat disturbing, but maybe that's just me!

I like your fic! Heh, I like the relationship you show between Aya and Alice. It flows out well :)

Update soon!