|Reviews for Mistakes|
| Atlantis Rene chapter 3 . 5/11/2012
I hope you are still there because I want to know what happens - does Elena and Katie remain friends? will Katie ever come to an understanding with her parents?
| Reiden Lightman chapter 2 . 6/22/2011
As if I really need to review this again. It seems like you do not want to make progress. This story has absolutely great potential, and I would like to read the rest of it. However, I stand by what I've already said.
Now, the length problem is not so much your detail, it's more your pacing. There is no suspense. I can read it without thinking and know what happened. But I'm not sure how the characters are feelings. The is minimal development as well. A little more emotional insight with each character through what the characters see about each other would be a nice addition. Such as, "I knew dad was crying because he hid his face as if he was thinking, and his lip was quivering. I could also hear the sniffles of his nose gasping."
This is in no way a bad story. However, there are a few mistakes that it makes. And if this keeps up, it will be a good story, but a bad reading experience.
| yddaM chapter 3 . 3/31/2010
:) This was real good, I can't wait for chapter 4. Well done.
| My Parakeet Has Issues chapter 2 . 3/7/2010
This was a nice second chapter. Although I think it lacks some simple detail, in my opionion. Like, you say that her parents are upset, but you don't really describe that they are upset. I think this story would be better with a little bit more discription.
It's also moving along kind of fast. . . I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing. . . I think it depends on the overall length of the story.
Overall, add a bit more detail as far as emotions and the scene goes, and maybe slow it down a bit. . .
Keep up the Good Work,
My Parakeet has Issues
| My Parakeet Has Issues chapter 1 . 3/7/2010
Oh wow. . . That was. . . Pretty interesting. . . A little too graphic for PG-13 if you ask me. . . But it was pretty good as a story.
Very interesting. I'll keep reading. . .
| ParaPotter chapter 3 . 3/7/2010
that was awesome. I LOVED IT.
keep writing more! its brilliant!
| omgluvr24 chapter 3 . 2/7/2010
I like it, the only thing is that if you're describing cities and stuff, can you explain that they're cities for us non-austrailians?
| ayearningwriter chapter 3 . 12/18/2009
omg. really good story! i hope you continue on writing this. i'll be waiting:)
| Asylle chapter 3 . 9/19/2009
two words: MORE PLEASE!
| Reiden Lightman chapter 1 . 5/22/2009
I just realized, you have details only about what the girl is wearing. You need to spread your story out. The first chapter, holding almost no more than it already does, could easily hold about 3500 words if you tried.
| Reiden Lightman chapter 3 . 5/2/2009
I admit, the chapters are incredibly short, but mostly because the plotline moves lamely fast. I wasn't satisfied with the first chapter, and you should definitely do a grammar proofread. There are many incorrect things.
other than all that bad, this story has a LOT of good potential, and a solid start. These length can easily be multiplied by 5, possibly 10. Just start giving more details, and let a more solid picture enter the readers mind. it's really hard to really see what you see when you were writing.
Goes fast, and makes it seems like every chapter has a beginning and end. Let's add some Middle, end of the beginning, beginning of the end, and some other stuff in between. Still a good story, but not yet something I would recommend.
| Neatly me chapter 3 . 5/1/2008
this is so god so far! i really like it i want to read more! keep it coming! hopefully soon!
| horses4life92 chapter 2 . 8/9/2007
cool I'm on to the next one!
| horses4life92 chapter 1 . 8/9/2007
pretty cool! I'm on to read the next chapter!
| Jonathon J. O'Brien chapter 2 . 1/20/2005
Please write more, i want to find out what happens