|Reviews for Groove To Da Beat|
| Guest chapter 43 . 1/2
Awesome story. I hope you continue writing even though it has been so long.
| Tom chapter 43 . 8/18/2013
Wow a great story and group of characters, some of the plot twists i did not see coming. I could very easily read about these characters for another 200k words or more.
| Guest chapter 2 . 6/5/2013
Just discovered you and your stories. They're really great! And I'm just starting this one and I can tell its gonna be amazing. You're a great story teller, dude.
| breakthehabit chapter 1 . 10/10/2012
Before I continue reading, this story hasn't been updated in 2 years but you are active I think. D: Why?
| Affair chapter 43 . 9/19/2011
Review. Yup, I finished 43 long chapters in about two weeks. Update soon dude!
| Affair chapter 41 . 9/19/2011
Oh wow... How do you forget someone on your bed? My gawd her parents are really cool and everything :D This story is seriously bordering and might have even crossed the T rating..
| Affair chapter 40 . 9/19/2011
... O_O so much cheeseeeeeeeee O_O
As much as I love fluff that was a bit too much...
But that the same time :D haha... Bipolar .
| Affair chapter 23 . 9/18/2011
No offense but I can see the improvement you've made, this story is good of course but the later stories hold a more.. Experienced approach. And btw you used the wrong looser at times, loser was the one you probably meant.
And... Omg Sally is so cute! . I want to kidnap the cutie!
| Dalek17 chapter 43 . 5/27/2011
Awesome awesome awesome amazing story! I loved it so much, and loved how long it was... Thanks for writing... hope to read more of your work... :)
| The Eternally Heartbroken chapter 43 . 1/2/2011
Another great story, Knightmare Elite. I like "Sounds Of Love" and "Falling For Summer" more, but this is a very close 3rd. That does not, however, diminish how good this story is.
The plot is very nice and entertaining. You know when fluff is needed, and where drama is appropriate. The characters are believable (though Allison seems...perfect. Not in a bad way, however...), and the story was hard to put down.
My only problem is one that you have too: I want to see what becomes of ALL the relationships. Especially Fabian and Allison's beautiful relationship.
Keep up the good work!
| Sheka1992 chapter 43 . 8/22/2010
I love this story, I read all 43 chapters and fell in love. You are a very talented writer and I can't wait for you to update...which I hope is coming very soon.
| Sour-Chan chapter 43 . 8/17/2010
Awe short chapter but still happy and excited for you to get back into this story (and all your stories!) :) been catching up and rereading all them recently too. Can't wait for the next chapter!
| alphajohnx chapter 43 . 8/16/2010
wow its been a long time wait a little short but its good to have lots of short a month than one huge one
keep doing what u do best
| the invisible princess chapter 25 . 4/23/2010
I havn't read all of this. But when I have time I shall be reading the rest. I just wanted to congradulate you on the way you'v dealed with the issue of self harm in this story. I self harm myself and most storys I read containing self harm make me want to kill the author for how unrealistic it is. However you make it seem very realistic the way you deal with it you must be a very empathetic person (i read on your forum you dont sh yourself:P):)
| Brenda Agaro chapter 42 . 10/11/2009
Okay, I finished reading up to the latest chapter. XD The constructive criticism and suggestions below are mostly my opinion. Just take what works and disregard the rest. :-) Yes, I know that this is long, but after reading this chapter, I have a lot to say, although I feel like I'm rambling (let me know if I am.) Hopefully some of it will be helpful. If not, then feel free to beat me up with a baseball bat. XP I'm afraid that this might be a tad too negative (if it is, then I apologize. I just despise sugar coating when it comes to writing critiques), even though I have to be honest. It was a good read in some parts, but there are things that needed to be pointed at.
Some parts feel like something out of a melodramatic TV series or soap opera (for example, the part with Kristine and Cassie in the restaurant.) I remember you mentioning on your author's notes in chapter twenty six that you imagine as a TV series. I do see where you're coming from, but the drama seems exaggerated. It seems a bit more like a situational comedy series or a satire instead (at least to me it does.) Also, you did mention about having written deleted scenes in one of your notes, but there were a few parts that felt fillerish, and to me it didn't advanced the plot. It's also pretty much the case when introducing new characters. In this story, it feels like they're just appearing for the sake of being there. I don't see a significance on what impact they have with the main cast. I can suggest posting them as a separate piece/side story. If this is intended to be a potential TV series, then what I can suggest is to separate each several chapters into books/arcs (a book series.) The humor you added in wasn't that funny (sorry.) It could be me, but I feel that it could just be the execution - to me, it wasn't clever. I have no problem with sex jokes, but it feels like too much is being put into the story. It's okay to add them in when it's necessary, but too much of it can kill the story for some readers (the same with bathroom humor.) I'm actually confused about the conflict and theme of this story. You seem to have established it in the first chapter, but it got lost later on. There were little things happening, especially in the recent chapters. It's fine to have the story set up like that, but there has to be a main conflict/theme present. Plus, I believe I spotted some plot holes when reading.
The point of view became very inconsistent later on in the story. At first it was third person limited - Cassie's POV, and then later on (especially chapters twenty eight and thirty one), it focused on the other characters (omniscient.) If this story is intended to be a multi-character narration (having one or more POV(s) in each chapter), it should stay in Cassie's. I was hoping to see Cassie as a less of a self-insert in the recent chapters, but sadly, she still feels like an unfinished painting. She keeps fading a lot, like you're allowing the readers to be her. If this story was told in a first person/stream of consciousness POV, or if there's a poetic tone in the prose, then it would work. But in a story like this, it's not a good thing (to be honest.) The characterization of your other characters confused me. In recent chapters, they became warped, especially Sally (who became one of my favorites, but then she turned into a very emotional and somewhat horny girl O_O'.) The twist about her sexual orientation wasn't well executed and seems predictable. It could just be me, but I've read books and stories that had that scenario. I know that on your profile that you said that you don't like cliched romances (same with me), but I have to let you know that I spotted a few in this story, including the group of perverted/drunk Lesbians one (during the part with the party at Kristine's place.) The plot twists felt weak, especially the one with Kristine's confession to Cassie in the restaurant. It was similar to the mainstream cliched (falling in love for money and fooling the other person until later.) It wasn't clever or memorable and I think you could do so much better than that (write an original or underappreciated twist), especially on a plot that has potential. The interaction between Cassie and her mother in recent chapters was unrealistic. It could be because of the sudden news, but I don't think Cassie would start to spend time with her right away.
The descriptions felt awkward and lifeless. There were some unnecessary adjectives/adverbs, even when conveying emotions. Some of the metaphors were overused and it feels like stronger phrases/connections could be used to enhance the imagery. An example is during the part where Debbie is thinking about her daughter (when they were at the salon.) And I'm still confused about your use of semi-colons...
I remembered you mentioning in your notes for chapter twenty seven that some of your readers think that the story is cute. I believe it's because of the atmosphere. If you want to set an angst or a dark tone/mood, you have to write the right description. Use sensory details - smells, sounds, the people, etc.. If you're going to have Kristine wearing pink (which is fine if it's your intention), then what you could do is contradict it. Trust me, I know how it feels to have a written piece intended to be one way, but the readers see it in another. You just got to make them really feel the mood.
I noticed that you're writing "20 min later" as a transition. Just to let you know, that is being frowned upon (editors see it as one of the shortcuts that budding writers use.) I can suggest using a page break instead. Let the readers infer about the time through necessary details. I also noticed that you were adding disclaimers for companies, trademarks, songs, etc. I can see where you're coming from, but it's not necessary to add them. Unless it's a fanfic, or you're writing a story that takes place in another author's universe or using their characters (ex: Alice in Wonderland, The Wizard of Oz, etc.), then it's relevant. As long you're not intentionally plagiarizing, there's no need to add them. Besides, authors are using songs, places, etc. in their stories too. Nothing wrong with that.
I apologize for not being able to point out corrections for the rest of the chapters. Got too much to do and catch up on in real life. They're the usual have commas where they should be, and the typos, etc. I can suggest getting a beta reader for future chapters (it'll definitely be helpful and rewarding for you and for the readers as well.) If you want, I can beta. If not, it's fine. :-)
I hope I didn't cause you to become discourage. This story has A LOT of potential (as with the other pieces I've read from you so far.) It's not everyday that I find another author who is determined to create original plots and wants to avoid cliches. All it needs is a major revision right after it's finished.
I think I'm done now. XD