|Reviews for The Star of the Forsaken|
| S.S. Dailey chapter 4 . 12/23/2005
Good story so far. I will read more of it later.
Thank you for reading and reviewing my story.
| Poppy Pyres chapter 1 . 6/7/2005
Hi. Sean Taylor said that your story was good, so that is why I am here.
This must be the most common error I find on fp:Faelyn.” She said, snapping herself out of her should be:Faelyn,” she said, snapping herself out of her thoughts. I hope you see why.
If you want to use the full stop, then make sure it fits."Nice to see you again, Faelyn." She snapped herself out of her thoughts, and he...etcThis is because "She said, snapping herself out of her thoughts" is actually not a proper sentence. :)
Watch commas. LOng setences need them.
cloth off of his mouth- that is awkward. Off and Of are too similar to be used together.
Okay, same error
“Yes… You probably would want freed would you not?” She purred,- you dont need She to be capitalised.
Nice introduction. Just makes sure that you proof read carefully.
| Sean Taylor chapter 13 . 1/13/2005
Ah, the last chapter. Please update, the war sounds interesting, between light and dark or something far worse. Will have to see I guess. Until then.
| Sean Taylor chapter 12 . 1/12/2005
Ah... the plot thickens again. Mystery and prophecy, two things that go hand-in-hand. Will keep reading to the very end.
| Sean Taylor chapter 8 . 1/11/2005
The serpent man is a bit unnerving, though his intentions seem semi-decent. I would keep a close eye on him and a ready dagger just in case. Very intriging plot I must say.
| Sean Taylor chapter 6 . 1/11/2005
A vampire, what a nasty creature. Seeing as he bit her in the neck would she eventually become one too? Oh well, something for later chapters.
| Sean Taylor chapter 4 . 1/11/2005
A curious group the feline Gypsies, very imaginative and descriptive, I could almost see their faces and dance. Will deffinately keep reading.
| Sean Taylor chapter 3 . 1/11/2005
Curiosier and curiosier, I like how you wrote this chapter out, explains what Griffin is going through in his worries for Kayli. Just a small point, when you change the scene try putting in a divider of some kind so the reader knows that the POV has changed. Other than that it was excellent.
| Sean Taylor chapter 2 . 1/11/2005
Interesting so far. A possible interest between Felix and Kayli. Will read and review more as time allows
| CedoMaiori chapter 13 . 12/13/2004
Incredible! Superb work. Colorful characters, fabulous personalities, inventive names, and great, complex relationships. I love this!
If it hadn't drawn me in so completely, I might have been a tad irked at all the grammatical errors. Next update, keep an eye out for those, many readers can be very nitpicky about such things and stop reading a piece if it's too bad.
I also noticed that where there were minor scene changes, but there was no clear indication of such - it can get a bit confusing. Consider revising for clarity; your readers will thank you.
But I really do enjoy your lovely characters. They keep surprising me, and for that I am grateful. I find unpredictable characters incredibly satisfying in a good story - I like to be kept on my toes. ;p
| YSYF chapter 13 . 12/12/2004
bah...i decided to just wait till i finished reading to submit a review...twas too good to want to stop and leave one every chapter.
well, i really really really cant wait for the next update because this story is excellently written. it kept me going as much as i could, even with distractions from msn messenger. little spelling erors i picked up, and for the most part they were small enough to pass over and not ruin the story, same thing for gramatical errors.
in one closign note-LoF has actually been revised for the first 6 chapters, so if oyu want you could read those, but you dont have to. i just thought youd like to know that though...
| YSYF chapter 3 . 12/12/2004
eh heh...kinda missed the review for the last chapter...but heres one for both then...i guess...
i didnt notice any spelling or grammatical errors(which means you have either a good spell checker, or proffread, both of which are weaknesses for me...). the plot is growing thick quickly, and the suspense of the chars anxiety just makes me want to keep reading...
| YSYF chapter 1 . 12/12/2004
wow...just wow...i left shortly after that last review i sent you, and didnt get back until late last night...and got on this afternoon to find what seems like an entire story up and updated.
well, great start, and the wording flowed smoothly and was quite easy to follow. the plot is intriguing, and caught my attention near the third paragraph...as for mistakes, whn you used the word "it" at the bigging of some sentences, it was capitalized completely, both the'I' and the 'T'. i didnt notice too much else with problems...so ill move on now and see how much i can get down before people on msn notice im online...
| Seremela Minyatur chapter 1 . 12/11/2004
really good start! the part about the blood was really interesting. however, at the beginning it seemed like somnium was the main character, but toward the end of this chapter, it seems like this story is going to be more about faelyn. does she come back into the picture at all later on? well, really nice work, update soon!