Your use of imagery in this piece is astounding. Some sentences that stood out to me:

In chapter 8-"her laugh grew in the air, a graceful beast made of bricks and cayenne pepper."

In chapter 9-"we inhaled radio static and braided our tongues into promises and swears."

I also like how you alternate prose and poetry; it flows surprisingly well, in part because your poems feel as grounded and raw as your prose. Very few people can pull that off.

I know that you're planning on doing some editing, but in my opinion, what you have here is wonderful. I would absolutely love for you to keep writing this story.

this is only one chapter? is it a poem or a story? or is it an EPIC? EPOC whatever that is called... it's interesting and throws me all around but was clever...

as soon as I read "arch angel who speaks like vonnegut" I was like CRAP, because I HATE VONNEGUT... LOL

just my opinion though... he just made me mad when reading his stuff in school.

Even though, like you said, the poems don't have to be read, i still like reading them. (: You're very good at it, too-waving the poems into the story, I mean. I love that. Anyway, yeah. I hope you update! This is amazing!

Phenomenal story line. It has an intoxicating atmosphere. Flows like the unseen rhythm of jazz.

I love this story! You created a whole new setting that is very orginial, with a heronine that amazing. Thanks for the awesome story. PLEASE WRITE MORE!

"The only way he can do what he wants/is to do it in front of an audience."

My favourite line, the rest was just gravy! I love your narrative voice, you capture the carefree pulse of jazz music without even a distinct rhythm. Somehow the piece just flows and I can't detect why, one of the reasons I love Jazz. Great read, thrilled me.

Jack

So, APPARENTLY, I haven't reviewed to this. Even after it's been on my "Author Alert" list for God knows how long. This piece, or pieces, rather, are beautiful. The words flow and the whole thing is just amazing. It makes me sad that you haven't updated in a REALLY long time.

Oh, well, I suppose I shall just have to deal with my depression.

If you ever don't know what to write, I suggest taking this one up again. It's beautiful and amazing and I could keep going, but I suppose you get the point just about now. (:

Much love,

Avey

intoxicating...

Love it

I LOve this story, i really do Yo

You're getting close to Ginsberg, my friend.

I everything all of this. So much.

~Effervescent-Sentiments

The first, second, and last stanzas aren't as strong as the middle two; I think the issue is too many words and not enough snappy imagery. Still wonderful, of course. Here I am, trying my hand at critiquing wonderful.

~Effervescent-Sentiments

Ah, your prose is like poetry. (: Like Janet Fitch, my favorite author. My favorite style. My favorite.

~Effervescent-Sentiments

There are so many individual lines that I love in this poem that even though the overall concept isn't so strong, it's still lovely - full of contemporary imagery and 21st century ideas that come across very well.

Kudos.

~Effervescent-Sentiments