WAh. watch out or you're gonna start going pure abstract on us. That was awesome, I see you stuck your spoon into abstract imagre- and by the looks of it you liked what you came out with. All the color imiagery, odocorr's sight- DEFINITELY good. The plot is so.. ominous. On a scale of 1-10, ominocity is in the high 8's. Whew. Anyway, it took me a really long while to snag some time to finally read the 6 chapters I had misses. But I'm sad it's over...

Japan was awesome, yes.

~Natalie

Excellent two chapters, things are definitely starting to make a bit more sense. I'm also slowly becoming obsessed with Etrayos. Endiw is marevelous as well, she reminds me of Schiard.

"Your skill is small besides, I’m afraid, but with some training you could learn some basic techniques." and "No, impossible. As Schiard had said, she wasn’t Touched, or even Favored, by any deity."

Why does everyone underestimate her and overestimate themselves in regards to abilities unrelated to battle? Is that a plot-point? Hmm...

-

Very good job on this chapter. Un-huhn. I don't like Sylryo very much, and I'm not sure that I'm supposed to... I'm so biased that I can't really tell, cause I adore Vorchay so much...

I'm very happy that Pehron is gonna have an important part in the story. I identify with her.

I'm ALSO very excited at the developing relationship between Etrayos and Vorchay...

For instance, "Coming out of that hot water had done funny things to her head." I have a very dirty comment handy for that one, but I won't use it... And, "Odocorr was starting to get used to their color scents always mixed together, as if, on the edges, they were melding together. Wherever Vorchay was, Seveiselde was always nearby. Where they touched each other, their colors joined, and it seemed as natural as the moon and the sun." I have a dirty comment for that one, too... Hehehe... I must say that you are very good at developing relationships. Very good.

And I can't wait for more. Will I see "the boy-God" again? I wanted to.

I'm off the clean and memorize my prose assignment now.

Ta-ta!

Loved the raven bits. And Vorchay's reaction to the snow. The boy-god at the end was kewl. Uhm... the statues decriptions were amazing.

Maybe some more details on the Mountain people? O.o; You're probably getting to that though.

Anyway, overall, loved it. Keep writing!

Inicana

There's good frustration (for instance, "Why won't this lady post, dammit!")And there's bad frustration (like, "Oh my BOB, will this asshole get on with it.")

You are consistently the first kind... So don't worry... You still cause ample amounts of frustration...

PLEASE do something with Pehron. I don't know why, but I have such high hopes for her...

Also, I am still so worried about Avin! SO WORRIED!

I'm very upset that that darn Divine hurt a precious birdy, even if it was "a Wyrm’s work."

I feel very strongly for animals... You should have seen me when I saw Faces of Death. I could have killed someone!

I very much enjoyed learning more about what a Snow Speaker really is. I have an afinity for snow myself, being a January baby...

I am adoring Etrayos even more. But I'm scared he's gonna disappoint me. All men do... But that has nothing to do with this story and lots to do with my various psychosis...

Meeting the boy-God was great. Yeah, he seems pretty kick-ass so far...

Thanks very much for the pronunciation key. It helps when I'm reading it in my head so I don't butcher it there either.

I love the longness of the chapter. Am I sensing a hint of Etrayos/Vorchay here? ;) I love Etrayos's character though. He's quick-witted.

Japan, ah Japan. I visited that country a while back (Tokyo) and stayed with my cousin, and it was wonderful! Hard to understand anybody, but it was great. ) Ah, you noticed the vending machines too? Hehe.

/ Faded Existence

Great chapter. It shows a little more of Odocorr's personality and gives him a some depth. It also has lots of action, and Vorchay, as always, is a brick. One thing that would help is to put bigger spaces or asterisks or something between scenes, such as when you changed from Odocorr to the part about Achymorre (great name, by the way), and then from Achymorre to Vorchay. It gets kind of confusing otherwise. For a second there I though the Other Lord was some god/power assosciated with Casine, and that he was going to help Odocorr. But other than the techinicality there, the chapter was very good. And what is happening to Avin? Is she possesed? She's my favorite character! This Achwymorre being is intriguing, (but threatening). Viva!

For some reason, I pictured Odocorr as having brown hair. But I like him with blonde - it makes sense since Oridhaerians have pink complections, heh.

The way you used color to describe scenery and facial features was very interesting, a nice new way of communicating the emotion of the story.

I really like the presence of this new "voice". I'm quite excited to read more about it.

HEY! I liked Avin perfectly well before! I don't want Avin to adore/follow Vorchay any less... Avin is like a backbone for her!

Odocorr is officially 27-times more kick-ass than before. Good job.

Etrayos is cool as always... I'm curious about his gold aura-thing.

Also, I still think its Vorchay or Pehron who will be the sister.

I don't know why.

I just want Pehron to have a large role. Again - I'm not sure why. I just like her. She's so powerful, but she's still a lil bebe. Maybe that's why I think she's the sister.

There is also the obvious reason you pointed out (Vorchay being the super-cool-special-more-than-all-others main character) that makes me cling to the idea of her being a little more than regular...

But I'm still so doubtful and you cause me to doubt even more with those darn flippant comments!

You're lucky you're such a great writer. If you weren't. there'd be LOTS of frustration.

Sorry for the short review previously. It was in the middle of the night when I had reviewed and I needed my sleep.

I particularly adored this line: “Vorchay’s your backup?”

It just amused me that Odocorr had expected a legion of men, when instead, there is one woman. This woman can do wonders, though, so I don't blame Seveiselde.

Don't you worry about the long names. They're interesting to try to pronounce, sure, but they sound more elegant than... Jack, perhaps. (And I think if my brother was sitting right next to me as I had said that, he would've strangled me, because his name /is/ Jack) It would be nice if you could provide a pronunciation guide perhaps on your profile or something, so I don't butcher the names so horribly in my head.

Signing off,/ Faded Existence

Why, hello. I've read it! And fallen in love. I don't think I'll be able to stop reading now. Watch me put aside homework and sleep for your story! Anyway...

Beautiful battle scenes. And emotional descriptions you've done near-perfect. Dialogue fits and flows... And I love your makings of a plot. It all flows together. You really gave these characters LIFE. You can SEE their personalities.

Gods, magic, culture and all that loveliness. Should have read this sooner. AVIN GOT POSSESSED. Or something of the sort. Demonhorsie... Yay. O_o; Unless I interpreted that COMPLETELY wrong.

ONLY part where I stumbled over was when you switched POV. It took me a second to realize you'd moved. O_o; Maybe put in a break or something? Or is it supposed to work into a flow or something?

Anyway, very late, and as of such, I must head off to bed. Be online tomorrow night? Please? Talk to you later...

Inicana

I didn't like Schiard in this chapter... She's being mean to our dear Vorchay. Is she acting as such to show that she holds herself in a regard much higher than that of humans?

Anyway, I loved Etrayos.

Please don't hurt my dear Odocorr! He is the sexy! You can't harm the sexy!If you do, you must give me a new sexy... (Or just keep Etrayos alive.)

"'There’s absolutely no sign of any deity or power Touching her. She’s just a human.'"

Why do I doubt that?

I'm trying to figure out if Pehron or Vorchay is the sister... Or if I'm completely off... Hmm...

Ah yes, things make a bit more sense now, I also feel that I'm getting to know Vorchay much better. You have been marvelous with these frequent updates, most excellent.

An incredibly riveting story that captures one's imagination. Excellent work.

Wow. This is really good. Great story.I'm off to read the next chapter.

~Kana