TIS NATALIE! mahahaok, time for a nice little review. (I always do what I like before I start on what could be changed)

-Names were EXQUISITE!-female main charactergood. especially unique b/c it's odd for there to be a female soldier in our society's stereotypes. this is one surprise which definiateily prepares the reader for other things you might change.-The opening with the leader/ the main chracter viewed from afar, is a unique and efficient way of introducing "Vorchay" It gives the reader a different idea then if you have not included this. (They do that in movies alot...)-Also intrigueing how you made her good at tactics rather then strong, definiteily how I see women! :D She's a good role model. Though I hope she develops more flaws (other then teh fear, which was good) though nothing that would downshine her AWESOME UBER FEMALE FIGHTER ABILITIES!yay, ok, now waht I think could use improving (beware of direct quotes)

"The sun was but a handsbreadth above the horizon, its light brilliant after being gone for so long. Those just wakening in the Keep opened their curtains to wince in surprise at the sudden brightness of the sun reflecting off the miles of snow, blinking away the glare."

This, I assume is just an error in editing? I was a tad confused. also, I think, unless is serves a later purpose in the story, you discussed the glare too much. There are many other aspects of a morning which could me important. Perhaps also the weather could reflect the feelings they have about the battle, kind of as a foreshadowing of the fear? taht they have. I find weather can be very expressive. Wind says so much. Even the slightest nudge. temperature, what is does to stuff. The cold tends to make stuff feel a certain way. Cold also makes the window cold, which u might mention. snow has got a cartian smell to, different depding on it's freshness and the temperature.

*thinks of what else to say*

errm...

O_O

perhaps u intended this, but it seemed the atmosphere between the guards. soldiers or w/e was relaly happy go lucky. I mean are they just virgins to battle and therefore innocent and happy and unviolent. I just thought it weird taht there wasn't anyone who seemed kinda to be above it or something. I guess I jsut assume they havne't seen battles and therefore can be all happy. (k, I jusdt kinda answered my own question... O.o)

ok, well I believe taht that is all~

~Inky Yen/MisledMaiTai/kakite

This looks like a good startover, I'm surprised you got it out so fast. I can also see some improvement, even with this first chapter that is very similar to the first chapter of the other story. Good luck with the rest, and with finals.

I love it. Your summery about it is so cool, and very demanding.

Whee! I can't wait to see where this story is going. I read Kings, Heroes, and Cowards, and liked it a lot, though I understand your reasons for wanting to start over. I've done that quite a bit myself. I love Vorchay and Avin, and I really like how much depth you give your characters. I makes the story very interesting. Just one thing that bothers me a little: I don't know how big Vorchay's hands are, but if Avin is really as large as you make her seem, then hooves the size of Vorchay's hands are really not that large. I was thinking more the size of a dinner plate... How tall is Avin?