|Reviews for The Bride Hunt|
| cherrystraw chapter 1 . 8/6/2007
cute story! keep writing!
| ItalianQT chapter 7 . 7/14/2007
I dunno if it's gonna be a good idea taking Bryn to the ball..I'll be back to read the rest of the story! :-)
| akaCHEEKS chapter 14 . 3/24/2007
haha i'll laugh my ass off too
| prolific bunny chapter 1 . 3/15/2007
I read this story a few days ago and kind of forgot to drop a review. I noticed a few things that kind of bugged me but it was still a great read.
First off, I really didn't have a problem with the start of this story. But, some issues just got to me. Like Naomi's and Devlin's friendship. It would have helped if you showed more of Naomi. As the story progressed, her character kind of became flat and when Devlin was saying that she was her best friend, it really didn't work for me. That's my opinion but I think you should work on her more. All we ever got to see of her was the side of her being the semi-antagonist of the story so it was really easy to hate her. And when she and Bryn got together in the end, it was kind of misplaced.
Then, Drew working at that restaurant. Isn't the pay supposed to be more than that if the restaurant's all classy? And I don't think her boss would have tolerated her third time of misconduct at work. Places like those aren't really known for their generosity with their employees. Especially if they offended the customer (even if in Drew's case she really didnt). If you showed that she had been having a bad day and Devlin was the last straw, that would have made more sense when she lost her temper. I think her temper would be something her boss would look into first.
And with Cara, isn't she supposed to be two years old? Just a bit of info, in this story she acted more like a one year old child than a two year old. I have a nephew who's two and he could already articulate some words. Show more character in Cara. She's an important part of Drew's life but the attachment she had in the story was a bit lacking.
Oh, and try making your paragraphs at least three to four sentences at length. There were a lot of one-liners that could have been avoided.
I hope you don't take my comments the wrong way! I DO like this story. I just thought that if you were re-editing this, you'd be interested to know some stuff that bothered some of your readers. Well, this was what bothered me. Other than that, I have nothing more to say cause I don't really recall anything that's bothered me as much. I like your writing style and I think the chapter lengths are pretty decent. The plot too was great. If you do revise this story, I'd be reading it again.
Anyway, I'll be waiting for an update on your Seashells and the Forget me Nots. I love that story.
| slee5133 chapter 15 . 3/14/2007
omg! that was so good! i loved it so much! good job
| slee5133 chapter 2 . 3/11/2007
do they both have madison as their last name?
| SecondHandSonata chapter 15 . 3/8/2007
M. I like the plotline and the original charecters inf hte first few chapters. But then it seemed like the melted and lost shape or something, especially Drew and Naomi. They went from these one-of-a-kind, genuine people to charecters in a story. You had so many conflicts going on at once, and yet none of them really went anywhere. There was all this drama and then no consquences.
Also, your facts were a little askew. $1,0 is acually what the restraunt porbably would have paid her, if it was such a classy restraunt, and if she was such a good waitress. Also, there might have been some issues with Cara and social services? This were kind of out of proportion.
I loved how you stuck in some uncommon words; enough so that it wasn't awkward, but not so much that you sounded like you were writing a legal document. I'd checkup on your use of some of the words, and you had some grammar/spelling inconsistencies, but those are trivial. I loved how you plotted little hints at what might be happening later, instead of just shoving plot twists in our faces. I loved how you portrayed your minor charecters. Lots of people have trouble with really little kids and old people, but you did wonderfully.
love, Slavation ala mode.
| Guest chapter 3 . 2/11/2007
interesting so far... though i have to say one thousand a month isnt much at all. and the temper losing scene felt like a rather random thing that the character was required to do in order to move the story on. while i realize she has a tempter, someone that desperate for a job does not lose his or her temper like that, because it is plain stupidity and she doesnt seem like the stupid type. perhaps, if she were having a particularly emotional or stressful week, it might feel more in tune with the story.
| bhenogh chapter 15 . 2/3/2007
This story is my favourite as of far of all of fictionpress! It actually made me cry a little :) Fantastically written, really romantic - I love it!
| Tempest116 chapter 15 . 1/3/2007
Great story, I really had a fun time reading it. Especially towards the end when it seemed everything was getting in the way of their relationship.
| OoohLookACat chapter 15 . 12/23/2006
aw that's so perfection and so absolutely cute.
love every minute of it.
although...maybe you should change 'cuz' to 'cause'...but you don't have to...that's just me...
good story, love it.
| youpin chapter 15 . 12/21/2006
A very sweet story.
| Mimerz chapter 12 . 12/19/2006
You totally got the list idea from Friends, especially the waitress one lol :) I love this story btw! It's really well written!
| akaCHEEKS chapter 15 . 12/16/2006
he wasn't waiting all his life! haha but he was waiting for about a year if i remember.. nice story by the way. it's realy good!
| zkay chapter 14 . 12/15/2006
I am not kidding when I say I absolutely adore your story. One of my favourites really. Seriously, the number of reviews you had gotten simply does not do this story justice.
You had me reduced to misty eyes and a shattered heart while moaning "NO" when Devlin had just let Drew go.
Nevertheless, I really enjoyed the chapter on the wedding best. It was great. The narration of the radio commenter, Devlin's hesitation at the alter and of course Drew and the "fucked up excuse of a radio set".
I must commend that it was creative to start and end the story with the horde of reporters. Interesting introduction. Relationship progressed at a reasonable pace such that I can see the sparks flying. More realistic than "love at first sight" and thought of each other as the most beautiful/handsome specimen. "Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder" stands true in this case. Drew is not sophisticated and elegant like Evangelina yet Devlin was crazy for her. Climax was well written, totally toyed with my poor fragile heart. Ending was well, everything I hoped for.. happily ever after.