Reviews for The House of Giolanvus
With Rhyme and Reason chapter 5 . 3/25/2005
Sorry, I got cut off before I was done leaving my review for chapter four. What I mean by this (as I'm sure you know) is that when you have a "crush" on someone and he says, "Hey," to you, you automatically assume he's in love with you (the class "Oh my God, he noticed me!" syndrome). Excellent.
With Rhyme and Reason chapter 4 . 3/23/2005
This chapter is just crawling with awesome subtleties. I love how you're making a point to show the reader how Giolan is falling victim to something that all people fall victim to at one time or another: the fact that he's overestimating everything his love-object does.
With Rhyme and Reason chapter 3 . 3/23/2005
Ah, enter the stereotypical Petrarchan love-interest. I'm realy enjoying this. I'm still a bit boggled about the relationship between Giolan and Nestula (I thought they were serious about getting married earlier), but that's probably poor reading on my behalf. Unrequited love, jealousy, and the possibility of erotic scenes! The plot thickens...
With Rhyme and Reason chapter 2 . 3/23/2005
Okay, I'll start by mentioning a few personal problems I had with this chapter, before I go into a rant about how good the rest of it was. Giolan mentions that his ancestor "slew a dragon." Okay, so what? Is this just another detail to reinforce the fact that the name "Giolan" is lucky? It's nice to mention dragons-it confirms a tinge of the fantasy genre which is presented as an undertone elsewhere. Another "problem" which may not be a problem at all-more of an opinion, actually: Giolan seems to be a good for nothing son of a you-know-what. I had some bad feelings about him in the prologue, but now it seems that he's totally given in to a bad way of life. But then when he is encountered by Portun he completely "turns around"? I know he probably has a good heart, but honestly, is it HUMAN to give your money to your girlfriend instead of spending it on a massive orgy of prostitution? Maybe it is, in Giolan's case. I can tell already that you've designed an extremely complex character to twist the seemingly simple plot. Something you might consider: Portun and Giolan are from widely different social classes (you make that clear) but in their speech, they don't differ at all. I'll assume that the education in this world is similar to ours, where the "nobles" are better-educated than the "peasants." Perhaps Giolan is just intelligent for his social class? Once again, this is just opinion. Now, onto what I thought was pretty good. I like the way that you make it clear that Giolan isn't fooling Portun at all, even though he (Giolan) thinks he is. I'm interested to see where this dysfunctional relationship between Nestula and Giolan goes. It definitely has Heaven/Hell potential. Nice job, and I look forward to the next chapter.
With Rhyme and Reason chapter 1 . 3/23/2005
Hello! What a fascinating prologue. I was confused by a few things at first, but you cleared them up right away. For example, how old are these people? Maybe you even told the reader, but I didn't pick up on it. Your entire first part was very interesting, but a little odd sounding. I'm not denying that you have a good point-you do-but I think you can state it in a more clear and well-written way. I loved the phrase "baseness begets baseness, and only a true noble can act in a noble fashion." Excellent. Overall, I'm enjoying this story so far. I ought to say no more about that, though, because this is only the prologue. Onward!
The Lark Ascending chapter 30 . 2/10/2005
What a brave boy. Ahead of his years, too, to appreciate his heritage with such zeal ;)

Great work!
The Lark Ascending chapter 27 . 2/1/2005
This latest chapter seemed to tie up a lot of loose ends, and you put things in perspective here in a way that I thought previous chapters to be lacking. Wonder what's behind that door?
The Lark Ascending chapter 25 . 1/26/2005
Priests never seem to come to much good in life, eh?

What strikes me about these chapters is that, although many people have had to witness family members being murdered, or much worse, Daerid reacted in a way that is quite abnormal for someone in her situation. Obviously she had psychological problems beforehand, because probably only someone who was practiced at torture would be able to outlast it emotionally, especially when grieving for a loved one. It is fathomable that she might have killed Ictorm in the heat of the moment, immediately after her husband died; but to calculate his torture, especially the way you portrayed it, is evidence of a previously deranged psyche. Was this what you intended?

As usual, I'm a detail freak.

As your saga continues, the Giolanvus family seems to drift further into oblivion. A lack of a sense of their position in society has me slighly disoriented. Right now, it's your actual word-to-word writing that's keeping me interested, rather than the internal framework. This takes talent, too, but I feel as if you've wandered a great deal from your starting point. But, of course, that's your prerogative, and I'm merely making an observation. I can't wait to continue reading.
Yemaya chapter 1 . 1/20/2005
Interesting. Well written and descriptive. The idea isn't original, but the style is nice, and the main characters are well developed. You've obviously spent a lot of time on this, looking at the length of the chapters and the amount of them. I'd say it's time well spent.
The Lark Ascending chapter 20 . 1/17/2005
So this is like catholicism versus the protestant religion? I would think that Weblita was about to start a reformation, except that it seems a reformation has already begun. Is the Giolanvus family still as prominent in society as they once were? If so, why has most of the kingdom turned to the other faith. . . has the old house no followers? Or wouldn't they be slandered by those of the more widespread faith?

(Sorry, I'm of a curious disposition.)

I like your detailing of the different "pagan" icons. The chicken bone is an excellent metaphor for death, if I'm reading it right.
The Lark Ascending chapter 17 . 1/11/2005
How do you manage so many words in so little time? You are prolific, my friend ;) Haerion seems to have come a long way from his forefathers. . . is his battle lust a remnant of the family's greed? Otherwise, I see little resemblence between him and the first Giolanvus; Haerion seems brave, emotional and open, as opposed to wary, conniving and pseudo-secretive. Also, I found this transition rather unclear:

'Haerion blinked. "Gather the children," he said. "Take them to the room where they have their lessons. I want to explain what’s happening, and say good-bye."

While he resented the fact that he hadn’t been treated with enough respect to skip the end of the war, at least Haerion had been given a large tent...'

It took my brain a moment too long to catch up with my eye, and although you apparently prefer these blunt transitions to ones that are wordy and over punctuated, you may want to consider your reader's comfort in this case. Anyway, I'm enjoying your epic, and I'm curious as to whether the House of Giolanvus ends up in ruin or ultimate conquest.

Palestrina
The Lark Ascending chapter 12 . 12/29/2004
I've just read your story from beginning to end, and I'm very impressed. I envy the way your words seem to come out too fast for your fingers; after all, little mistakes pale in the face of such artful design and riveting drama.

I've always been interested in family legacies, though I've never attempted one so sweeping as yours - but I'm a little confused as to the setting of your story. . . is it fantasy? Or is this missing detail a plot device? Well, best to you and can't wait to see the rest of this,

Palestrina
Th' Tolimnes Davin chapter 2 . 12/23/2004
This is really good. I loved the dialogue in the first chapter; it's very real and believable. It's a good story with a very interesting plot. I would read more, however I never can seem to get myself into non-sci-fi stories. Sorry. I guess I just find humans too boring, haha. Newayz, good story, nicely written.
vampindelibleink chapter 1 . 12/22/2004
A good start. The only thing is that Nestula's change of heart seems to come out of nowhere, and it seems wierd. Of course there might be something making her want to leave (in the next chapter). In any case, she is not as prosaic as she seems at the beginning (she seems quite dull in the introductory paragraphs). It might be as well to drop a hint that there is more to her than that.
aknightsgoldenrose chapter 4 . 12/18/2004
This is very good so far. Please update soon. Thanks for reviewing my work.
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