|Reviews for War of No Shades|
| linaeviel chapter 17 . 9/3/2005
amazing story! i have a few minor things to comment on, though. yes, i agree with many others...thorne isn't bad! we like him! :) i can't wait to find out who the mysterious man of 5-and-20 with the stubble is, though...fluff chapters ahead, i hope! a few times characters who know elena as kali call her elena in dialogue (examples: celia at some point, and kyle calls her elena shortly after first meeting her), which is confusing. regardless, i love what you have written so far-please update soon and keep up the great writing!
| StedfastStar chapter 1 . 9/3/2005
Ah, this format is so much better than your other story...very well written indeed.
| WiltingBlackRose chapter 1 . 9/3/2005
Woah, I'm confused. Seems really interesting though.
| BadSweets chapter 17 . 9/3/2005
... INTERESTING. Looks like fun D I can't wait to see who "Alan" meets. I haven't seen this done in a fantasy setting, I don't think, so it looks like fun. And I'm curious about the backstory.
(You know I'm foreseeing romance, right? It's inevitable D)
| chocolatecoveredcherries chapter 17 . 9/3/2005
Love the new chapter P
| DarkerLink chapter 16 . 9/2/2005
:D Just found your story! Its really good! Cant wait for the next installment!
| IntentionallyLeftBlank chapter 16 . 8/29/2005
| Teah Marie chapter 1 . 8/22/2005
I've only read the prologue, but it rocks, so I'm looking forward to the rest of the story.
| songsayer712 chapter 16 . 8/18/2005
Ok, this is among my favorite stories. I love the writing: witty, entertaining, and smoothe. Please continue writing the next chapter, quality writing is rarely found!
| storm42 chapter 16 . 8/8/2005
I love this story so far. I know you haven't updated in a while, but do you think you could start writing this again?
| none chapter 16 . 8/1/2005
This story is great, PLEASE update soon!
| Casey Drake chapter 3 . 7/18/2005
please update this when you get back from your vacation, if you can. I like this story a great deal.
| BuffLie chapter 3 . 6/20/2005
I think this is a bit of a pet peeve... but I figured I should state it anyway. There is a paragraph where you describe what Elena looks like. But, just from random tidbits in the previous chapter, we already knew, basically, the details of her appearance. Paragraphs of lengthly descriptions of what people look like always seem... useless, I suppose. Not really important, and not really something people will remember. Just a thought :)
"After a moment she ruthlessly conquered the faint lump in her throat. She’d already known that. No reason to get sentimental now." - I love that you give us her insights, no matter how brief. They make her seem more real.
"Real gold. True, honest to the Goddess, sparkling, easy-to-dent, pointless gold. How utterly . . . idiotic." - Wow. That made me laugh.
"...‘bumped’ is a figure of speech.” He remarked warily. - It should be "...speech," he remarked warily.
"...standing in the shadows, listening to ever word." - and "ever" should be "every"
Not sure if you want all those little things pointed out. I won't point out any more unless you say you would like me to :)
I mentioned the POV thing in the last review. I think if you kept it to a single POV, the mystery level of what was going on would be better maintained. If it was all from Elena's POV, we would be just as curious about the prince's intentions as she was. And only having one POV would also eliminate the problem of repeated information.
And the details of things (why Thorne sighed the alliance treaty, for example) could be held onto for longer, and explained in situations, rather than a character thinking about it in retrospect. Which would be that blasted showing instead of telling thing, no?
I really wish I could read another chapter (I swear I get so lost in it), but it's after two a.m. and I have work in the morning. I shall return to this soon! Wee. I love it :D
| BuffLie chapter 2 . 6/19/2005
I love the visuals you give. I particularly loved: "He responded to the slight by scrunching up his mouth until it resembled a raisin." Wonderful.
Oh, I found something to critique! Nothing major, really. But in the section before the confrontation between Elena and her father, you retold us some information (about her wanting a deal, so she could get her sword fighting lessons). One: you don't need to tell us again. Two: You suddenly switched to the father's POV. It would be best to keep it all the same. Either make a point that you're switching POVs, or keep it all Elena's as you have been. Or, which I think is harder, you can have a completely omniscent POV and tell what *everyone* is thinking and doing.
"He’d taken it, because everyone knew that when Elena sank her teeth into something, she would never let go." - I love that. I don't know why. I just do.
"Elena smoothly snatched the wig off his head and tossed it out the window without missing a beat, accompanied with his outraged yelps and futile snatches at the air to recover his pride." - Hahah! Excellent!
There are a few typos here and there. Quite a small amount for such long chapters. Not sure if you want them pointed out.
I love this. Makes me sad that I didn't come across it sooner.
| BuffLie chapter 1 . 6/19/2005
I'm returning the favor. Yes, it's very late in coming.
But... so far... I rather enjoy this. Hopefully my reviews will get more useful as I continue :D