|Reviews for Alpha Team Alpha|
| KimHua chapter 17 . 11/30/2007
Well it took me two days to finish what you've written, partly because the lights cut out last night while I was reading. :-)
I started this story thinking it was already complete (I'm not entirely sure why) - so it was with some dismay that I came to the end and it wasn't finished... but I look forward to reading more when you continue with it.
Jacob's attraction to Sarah was the only thing I felt "came out of left field" - it was kinda unexpected, but in a way that I couldn't really grasp why the attraction was (seemingly suddenly) there. I guess as a reader I don't feel I "know" her particularly well, and thus can't "put myself in Jacob's head" - whereas the others, especially Amy, I can visualise (in terms of their character, and why Jacob would or wouldn't like them).
| KimHua chapter 4 . 11/29/2007
I just love the humour. It's making me chuckle. :-)
| KimHua chapter 3 . 11/29/2007
Brilliant. :-) This is turning out to be a highly amusing and engaging story...
| KimHua chapter 1 . 11/29/2007
Brilliantly fun, and very well written. :-) I look forward to reading more!
| alidy chapter 9 . 9/8/2007
I have to admit: this is one of those hidden jewels on this site. It's very nicely written and hardly any spelling mistakes, which I worship you for.
I love the original plot, and the way you write it really makes me feel like you are Jacob, as if you know all that he knows of these things, which (even if he is supposedly the worst cadet) is a hell of a lot! It's always nice to read things by an author who knows what s/he is doing.
There are a few things that I've wondered about reading this far (and as I haven't read your other reviews, I don't exactly know if these have been mentioned (and frankly, I'm lazy and can't be bothered checking).
Also, this is off the top of my head and I can't remember all that I've wondered about during the course of reading your story, but these are the ones I remember:
If they're so used to saying the time as "0500" hours, then why, when they get to DC, do they say it differently? (Oh wait, now that I think about it, they're undercover, so it makes sense. Sorry, my bad.)
Can they buy things at the facility? If not, in this chapter (9), Adrian says:
"As for myself, you wouldn’t believe the number of gifts I get every Christmas, from all those boys that are after me back at the facility. I have an entire trunk filled with the jewelry back home."
Now, I swear I have the worst memory out of the people I know, and I'm pretty positive that there were more things I wanted to check up on... but I can't remember, and as I said before, I'm lazy and can't be bothered checking!
Anyway, your story is wonderful. I love how the characters are developing so far, and your details are superb (especially of the action)! And I know I said this up the top, but... your grammar and spelling rock!
| Caelius - Heritor of Eternity chapter 17 . 9/5/2007
Good story, Stephentchel. I hope I spelled your name right.
Some very good characters, despite a little ripping from the already existing Love Hina series, yet you've managed to make them your own and not just a carbon copy. I find myself liking Jacob, mostly because of how you tell the story from his point of view so well and how his character is so animated, inner-monologue-wise.
I find the bits of humor both very funny and witty, which in my opinion, is the best kind of comedy.
You keep the story quite realistic, intriguing, funny, compelling, and introspective. Though, there are some parts are a little long-drawn-out that I find the want to skip a few lines a little. This is just a matter of personal opinion, however.
All in all, I'm very impressed with your story. I'd give it a solid 8/10 if I could rate it. It's only an 8 for now since you have yet to show more of the story.
Keep up the good work.
| Kellet chapter 17 . 7/23/2007
Wow. Kind of creepy, the way Denise says that. Her rants have always been an expected source of amusement but now, I can't help but shudder at the last comment she said.
| mia5081 chapter 17 . 7/18/2007
I love your story. The action, the humor, the romance (though sometimes I'm not even sure which girl he likes, Amy or Sarah, but I'm betting on Sarah even though, like in this chapter, he feels a kindred spirit in Amy) and everything else about the story.
Hope you update soon!
| fire0ice chapter 17 . 7/2/2007
OH MY! What has it been a year 2? Whatever, it's been welcome back.
| Erisah Mae chapter 17 . 7/2/2007
Nice work with the action sequences- I particularly really loved your description of the cursing. ;)
Awesome work- update soon!
| Tymer chapter 15 . 6/9/2007
Do you WANT me to commit suicide? T_T Finish your story...please! Wah...oh wait...another chapter! Whoops...but it's only one...*sniff* Please resume soon!
| Erisah Mae chapter 16 . 6/2/2007
Hehe this is so cool! I wouldn't worry so much about the feminist issues (that you explained in your author note,) so far, so good, as far as I'm concerned... a few details edge on that, but most of the girls are kickass enough to be able to beat the hell out of the males who might doubt their capabilities, so it balances out.
I love this character of yours- definitely the embodiment of lovable loser- but you HAD to have him fall for the cliche blonde femme fatale, didn't you? Oh well, nothing's perfect.
By the way, in case i haven't suggested this yet, I consider this story to be bloody hilarious!That part where the Major is trying to tell Jacob about the facility being full of telepathswas a serious crack up!
So, all in all, This is fun, original, and definitely catching a place on my favourites list. Update soon!
| Marky chapter 16 . 5/25/2007
It took me three days to read this entire thing...and now...dude...FINISH IT! Please _
| Daranak chapter 16 . 5/2/2007
I've just finished a marathon reading session of this story, and I'm amazed. Stories of this quality are very rare anywhere, let alone on this site. The girls from Team Alpha could easily have come across as bitchy Mary Sues, but you managed to make them feel human with human vulnerabilities. You have a very good grasp of everthing that makes up a good story - characters, dialogue, plot, setting, pace, etc.
However, one thing struck me as I read your story: I thought I was reading a very good science-fiction story, not one associated with manga. You have a lot of (perfectly necessary and legitimate) details and background to explain, and I wonder how this could be achieved with manga, which I've always seen as a primarily visual medium.
I wonder if this is why your story has, relatively speaking (and considering its high quality), few reviews.
| General Disarray chapter 16 . 4/13/2007
I really like this story. I think the whole genetically engineered human thing rocks. I'm a robot, so we're practically cousins! Anyway, I hope you update soon. I can't wait to see what Jacob does next.