|Reviews for Chronically Dumped|
| Manuel Fajar chapter 1 . 3/26/2006
¿Is it me,—or, is it us?
Crazy humanity's love,
Bright blazing sun high on sky,
Burning into retinal sight,—
Intensity forbidding eyes,
To see but circle's white domain,
Where blended every color blinds,
Leaving us helpless to see far,—
O,—I think, it's not unique dear,
Strange fallacies fair love brings on,
For convex lens it focuses,
Every ray bent to heart's purpose,—
Where collected it can burn through,
For its intent is only this,—
Leaving mind in daze after gaze,
Upon strong orb of fusion high.
| breezy nostrils chapter 1 . 2/4/2006
you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. i like the title, and the poem as a whole could be stronger, but every now and then, you get a poem that maybe isn' as good in comparison. but i couldn't feel the emotions in it, which is always important. keep on writing!
| A Face Worth Remembering chapter 1 . 1/2/2005
Kinda weird ending, like if you added a stanza it may read a lil better, but its really good. I dont know what you could add, it just seems kinda odd, to me anyway.~*Elli*~
| graffiti-skies chapter 1 . 12/23/2004
when u find ur true love...u wont have to face heartbreak...nuthin is wrong with u...every time u break up, jus kno 1 thing, there's some1 out there for u worth a million times more than the guys who now break ur heart...
liked the poem a lot...whenever i wonder this...i remember the above...
| poetic abortion chapter 1 . 12/21/2004
-_- I'm always getting my heart broken. Recklace(sp?) love fits me best. )
I like this. You captured the feelings well. Better then I could. -_-V
~ Noelle ~
| Cry Tears of Darkness chapter 1 . 12/19/2004
ur right, crappy title, sorry... the poems good. just title doesnt fit with it. i have no suggestions tho... sorry!
| u-will-never-know chapter 1 . 12/19/2004
This definately isn't crappy, i just think the ending needs a little altering, but still its very well written
| xHannahx chapter 1 . 12/18/2004
i like this - the repetition and the emotion shown. i have to say im not such a fan of the shorter poems you posted recently, but i like the thought-process of this one. Han.
| nine iron chapter 1 . 12/18/2004
I could step in here but I may not have won my worth as a poet, have you read the ones recommended in my profile? I will have a go...
I think moving the with me to a seperate line between chapters from the first stanza would gove greater impact. Well the end is harder, it is not really bad, just the idea is great and you just have lost the flow a little. I think trying a line format of 4-1-4-1-4(-1) or summat would really give this work punch.
| ApplesCM chapter 1 . 12/18/2004
I don't think this is a crappy poem at all. You may not agree with me, but I think it is well not one of your best poems, though. The ending isn't bad. Needs a little work though. I can't think of anything right now to help, though. :( I'm sorry! I'll think of something though!
| myno chapter 1 . 12/18/2004
bad title? I love the title! The ending is a little weak, hm... i don't know how you can fix it, sorry.
| Taos Ardew chapter 1 . 12/17/2004
so sad, but I know how that feels. Sometimes you just want it to stop, but you can't give up, and I like the way it was writen.