such a sexy poem. makes me think...

can't hurt to add to it, especially since it feels like it's going somewhere...everything you write has a dark tinge to it, and that makes for a sobering read, where you can plunge the reader into thought. Write more...

... it needs more than what it has. it needs one or two lines to finish summing it up. you're right about the rhythm, i think it flows really well. i just... ugh. there's something missing, and i can't figure it 've got me interested. i'll try to check back to see if you add more.

i like it! You were right, the rhythm is awesome, and the rhyme is too. I guess you could say that i don't completely understand it, but i think i have a pretty good idea of what you're trying to say. Great job!~Lauren

O I love this poem. One of the best I have read tonight. The first line automatically caught my attention with the imagery of something so small in such a vast area. Great write.

I didn't really understand its meaning, but it was still a really good, rhyming poem.

I have to agree that you do have great rhyme and rhythm to this poem. It would be great if you did add more verses, but it's up to you as the author. I love the words you used in this poem too, especially in the beginning. I hope you write more great poems and whatnots _

Yeah your right the rhythm is good - very nice words. Great job.

i have to rhythm is i would like another verse.

I think it's perfect this way. I love how the rhyming made it flow extremely well. Excellent job!

-Anathema