Reviews for Defenceless
Queen of the Shadylands chapter 1 . 10/27/2008
A tad strange and going to make me think twice next time I have to sit at a bus stop. I wasn't keen on the ending though, particularly the last paragraph which felt rather abrupt. Still it read well and was intriguing, was Jimmy just a poor person who lost it one day (liked how you got in his back history), or was that old man actually saying those things? I must admit that sometimes it is actually nice to have one of those types of stories that leaves it open at the end, not everything has to be one hundred percent resolved, though it's still ever so slightly infuriating. And I liked the change to the bus drivers point of view.
Liz Bee chapter 1 . 2/7/2008
Woah that is SCARY.

Well, not pants-soiling scary but creepy all the same. It reminds me a lot of Stephen King's works, though more in the storyline than the writing style.

I wonder who that old man is...
theTwilightPen chapter 1 . 10/4/2006
O.o Indeed remniscent of the Twlight Zone-albeit more bloody and gruesome.

Again: your voice is astonishing. Over and over I find myself envious of the fact you can do so well in third person with narraration. And a story like this, with small, quiet motions building themselves up, it only becomes more noticable and eye-opening as time goes on.

Also: I found myself quietly laughing at the fact that whenever Gimpy said something foul, Jimmy couldn't hear him because of a car. Great. Absolutely great. And the reality is, that generally IS what happens when someone says something shitty to your face. That has to be the strange beauty to this piece. And it's very macabre, to say the least.

Excellent, dark stuff. Continue with the prose as much as possible.
Sakka-Fenikkusu chapter 1 . 9/11/2006
Oh... I like this story. It's really good. I'll put it on my faves when I make some room for it. That's a great story. But really cold. Poor Jimmy.
Maldoror chapter 1 . 8/24/2005
An intriguing work. The problem with reviews is a lot of times they don't offer wholly applicable advice, especially on this site, because it's one writer talking to another, so instead of getting suggestions on how to make YOUR story better, what you're really getting is, "Well, you know, if I'D written this story, what I would have done is..." The fact that the occurrences and their purpose are never fully explained makes me think of Kafka. You're right; It DOESN'T make much sense, but you can use that to your advantage. Are you really fifteen, or is that just a gimmick?
TesubCalle chapter 1 . 6/7/2005
Oh, the non-joys of waiting for the bus.

As another reviewer surmised, perhaps Jimmy was delusional. Perhaps he was having a psychotic episode.

I like how you played with our emotions. Just when I was beginning to really feel some sympathy for him, he broke into his violent tantrum.

Which character was truly wronged here? Guess that's one thing we'll never really know!
Guest chapter 1 . 1/23/2005
cool! really strange though... but anyways, it's interesting enough. keep up the god work
evil-kenshin chapter 1 . 12/27/2004
wierd story, mayve jimmy was just insane or maybe the man in the wheelchair had some special powers, but good never the less